April 3rd, 2014

Dormitory

I find myself unable to sleep, and unable to even really focus on my schoolwork that I have yet to finish. Lucifer is curled up at my side, seeming to sense this strange anxiety that I feel. I can do little else but write down my thoughts and hope that it can offer some relief.

My classes are all fascinating beyond measure, and yet my lessons, though mostly introductory seemed to have sparked something within me that I can't yet explain.

In Potions, we were assigned to write an essay on out Ethics in potion making and it truly made me begin to wonder. Ethics, is something defined by an individual or group, what they believe is write and wrong. But what is wrong for others, may be considered right or necesarry by some. The topic I chose to speak on was that of the idea of the use of poisons.

Poisons are crafted to do harm to others, and yet, without being tested for their effect on others, it is unsure of how they will work. In my eyes, it seems that every potion of this effect had to be tested for its effectiveness, and the ingredients changed. Is this what most people would consider, 'wrong'? To test something on a person without knowledge of their possible effects. But at the same time, it is also somewhat required, for without such tests, we as people cannot progress. To me, the saying of having to bear a 'necesarry evil' comes to mind.

Another question that has been through my mind as of late is of a similar nature regarding spells. We know that through certain words, wand hand movements, and pronunciation, spells can be created. But certain spells, seem to have no evidence of how they seem to work.

I speak, most specifically, of the Killing Curse. The words, 'Avada Kadavra' Are spoken and we know from the studies that it produces a flash of green light and kills the victim. It is also known, that the cause of death is unable to be determined by Muggle autopsy. But what is it that actually kills? Does it stop the heart instantly? Does it cut off the nerves and function of the brain? It is these questions that seems to drive me to learn more, and I am determined to find these answers.

Mother says I should stay away with such morbid and improper things, but I cannot help but wonder of them. Who first made this curse, what was in their mind when they did? Was it made to help defend them and their loved ones? Or was it for something more selfish such as revenge? 

There is no spell that that bring back the dead, nor has it ever been done (at least correctly) in the study of Alchemy, and yet there are certain spells that can be reversed with a counter spell. Why not, could this one be the same, if one can find out the cause of death from the Killing Curse, could actions not be taken to reverse it?

I plan to find the answers to these questions, one way or another, no matter the cost. This vow I do make.