Witch Weekly- Issue Two (November 2017)
written by Sally Buttercup
November issue of Witch weekly! On sale for 5 Kn! Now hiring! Look for us in the groups/ roleplays! Enjoy!
Last Updated
05/31/21
Chapters
10
Reads
607
Holidays
Chapter 8
Remember, remember!
The fifth of November,
The Gunpowder treason and plot;
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!
November 5th is an important day in British Muggle history, but it should also be a date marked on wizarding calendars worldwide. Why, you ask? Well, it was actually an attempt by twelve wizards (and one poor, unfortunate Muggle) to overthrow the monarchy at the time, King James I, and instigate anti-Muggle hatred. As we are all well-aware, most of these attempts don't go down too well (this is for you, Lucius Malfoy, if you are reading this).
What's that, I hear you ask? What does a Muggle king have to do with calendars and Lucius Malfoy? Allow me to enlighten you.
King James I, in fact, had a number of wizard bodyguards – hired by the very first Ministry of Magic – in an attempt to calm down anti-Muggle gestures.
However, this was unknown to this group of early degenerates, who went about their business gathering as much gunpowder as was humanly possible (and a little more) and charming it to cause the biggest, earth-shattering "KABOOM!" they could manage.
Not long before the set date to destroy the Muggle Parliament and the King, one of these wizards made the decision to visit a fortune teller, who very promptly informed him that he must "beware of all knives, swords, spears, arrows, axes, hammers, protruding table legs, particularly sharp stones, and, above all else, explosives." This may seem like a fairly inclusive list, and any normal witch or wizard may choose to just brush these assertions aside. This, however, was not the case.
Petrified, this wizard returned to his colleagues and informed them of the dangers. The twelve of them set about kidnapping a defenseless Muggle on his way back from the market (and stealing his shopping at the same time, the nasty creatures). Once captured, Guy Fawkes, a name now infamous among Muggles, had the Imperius Curse cast on him; this is something Muggles are, naturally, not aware of.
With this particular problem solved, the wizards had Fawkes carry each of the thirty-six barrels down into the cellar underneath the House of Lords. They were about to light them when Guy Fawkes was caught right in the act.
Again, unknown to the wizards, Fawkes had temporarily escaped from the Curse and had sent a letter hurriedly to his brother-in-law, warning him not to be there on the night in question. His brother-in-law had, of course, warned the King's guards (the wizarding ones), who set about capturing Fawkes.
Using very skilled Legilimency, the guards discovered who the other vegetable-stealing plotters were, and were able to see that Fawkes was innocent. Luckily for him, he was free.
However, at the time, the guards were not acquainted with Obliviation and could only see one way of keeping him quiet: hanging, drawing, and quartering him. What a gruesome end for a man who only wanted his tomato soup.
To celebrate this day, wizards and Muggles all over Britain have been lighting fireworks at displays and in their gardens, producing magnificent displays in the night sky, which everyone has found enjoyable (unless, of course, you are a grumpy so-and-so, who drew the curtains as tightly as you could on this night and curled up in bed with the radio on full blast).
This means that Ministry workers are once more dashing up and down the country, desperately trying to stop the daring witches and wizards from cracking out Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs and Dr. Filibuster's Fireworks at Muggle displays. Although they have been doing an excellent job, some displays can still be seen going on for weeks afterwards, as poor Mr. Baumgartner found out the difficult way: authorities finally managed to extract him from the Catherine wheel one week after he had become attached to it.
We at the Daily Prophet highly recommend that you go out and celebrate this failed attempt at anti-Muggle-violence in style, but we also ask that you consider the health and sanity of your diligent Ministry workers while you are at it.
Have fun, be safe, and avoid any and all Catherine wheels!
The fifth of November,
The Gunpowder treason and plot;
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot!
November 5th is an important day in British Muggle history, but it should also be a date marked on wizarding calendars worldwide. Why, you ask? Well, it was actually an attempt by twelve wizards (and one poor, unfortunate Muggle) to overthrow the monarchy at the time, King James I, and instigate anti-Muggle hatred. As we are all well-aware, most of these attempts don't go down too well (this is for you, Lucius Malfoy, if you are reading this).
What's that, I hear you ask? What does a Muggle king have to do with calendars and Lucius Malfoy? Allow me to enlighten you.
King James I, in fact, had a number of wizard bodyguards – hired by the very first Ministry of Magic – in an attempt to calm down anti-Muggle gestures.
However, this was unknown to this group of early degenerates, who went about their business gathering as much gunpowder as was humanly possible (and a little more) and charming it to cause the biggest, earth-shattering "KABOOM!" they could manage.
Not long before the set date to destroy the Muggle Parliament and the King, one of these wizards made the decision to visit a fortune teller, who very promptly informed him that he must "beware of all knives, swords, spears, arrows, axes, hammers, protruding table legs, particularly sharp stones, and, above all else, explosives." This may seem like a fairly inclusive list, and any normal witch or wizard may choose to just brush these assertions aside. This, however, was not the case.
Petrified, this wizard returned to his colleagues and informed them of the dangers. The twelve of them set about kidnapping a defenseless Muggle on his way back from the market (and stealing his shopping at the same time, the nasty creatures). Once captured, Guy Fawkes, a name now infamous among Muggles, had the Imperius Curse cast on him; this is something Muggles are, naturally, not aware of.
With this particular problem solved, the wizards had Fawkes carry each of the thirty-six barrels down into the cellar underneath the House of Lords. They were about to light them when Guy Fawkes was caught right in the act.
Again, unknown to the wizards, Fawkes had temporarily escaped from the Curse and had sent a letter hurriedly to his brother-in-law, warning him not to be there on the night in question. His brother-in-law had, of course, warned the King's guards (the wizarding ones), who set about capturing Fawkes.
Using very skilled Legilimency, the guards discovered who the other vegetable-stealing plotters were, and were able to see that Fawkes was innocent. Luckily for him, he was free.
However, at the time, the guards were not acquainted with Obliviation and could only see one way of keeping him quiet: hanging, drawing, and quartering him. What a gruesome end for a man who only wanted his tomato soup.
To celebrate this day, wizards and Muggles all over Britain have been lighting fireworks at displays and in their gardens, producing magnificent displays in the night sky, which everyone has found enjoyable (unless, of course, you are a grumpy so-and-so, who drew the curtains as tightly as you could on this night and curled up in bed with the radio on full blast).
This means that Ministry workers are once more dashing up and down the country, desperately trying to stop the daring witches and wizards from cracking out Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs and Dr. Filibuster's Fireworks at Muggle displays. Although they have been doing an excellent job, some displays can still be seen going on for weeks afterwards, as poor Mr. Baumgartner found out the difficult way: authorities finally managed to extract him from the Catherine wheel one week after he had become attached to it.
We at the Daily Prophet highly recommend that you go out and celebrate this failed attempt at anti-Muggle-violence in style, but we also ask that you consider the health and sanity of your diligent Ministry workers while you are at it.
Have fun, be safe, and avoid any and all Catherine wheels!
