Princess Rap Battle
Chapter 2
KATNISS: I’m Katniss and I can’t miss, I’m the fastest, you can’t catch this
Make a last wish – gonna need three cannons for this hat trick
So sick of your schtick, all I do is win, ya nitpick
That’s why I’m the hero and you’re just a sidekick
Pathetic and predictable – I’m hot on your trail
Coulda had a Viktor, but you chose ginger fail?
I bet with wands drawn, he’s still just a yawn
With performances worse than Michael Gambon
Got a Nimbus up your butt? Well, let’s probe deeper
Never played quidditch but you know I’m a keeper
You must be drunk on butterbeer, now grab a cloak and disappear
Who wants to kick this witch’s ass? Hmm… I volunteer!
HERMIONE: Oh, there’ll be no trouble ‘cause on stage you struggle
I’ll be charming and disarming while I waste this rubbish Muggle
I’ll end this blasted skrewt, propaganda prostitute
Who thinks she’s so cute with her Girl Scout salute
Just a tribute, can’t decide which guy’s sweeter
Share your bread with Gale, then stuff your mouth with Peeta
How does it help the poor to start a civil war?
Your story’s a bore, why don’t you plagiarize more?
It’s been done before, ask Dumbledore
It’s Battle Royale set in 1984
And furthermore if you’re keeping score that’s five more points for
SORTING HAT: GRYFFINDOR!
KATNISS: I’ll drill this dentists’ daughter here in her alma mater
‘bout to slaughter this otter, even Potter knows I’m hotter
I stomp career jocks, kick your British buttocks
For this Riddle, second fiddle, you’re the Watson to his Sherlock
Turn back the clocks, tick tock, tick tock
Odds ever in my favor ‘cause you rap like an Avox
Shock the mic like a wire, you’ll fry and die on a pyre
‘cause you’re gonna get burned by the girl on fire!
HERMIONE: On fire? Oh! Just like your dad
Or the hospital you visited to film a quick ad
I’ve got the cortex to ace my subjects
I got that bad blood while you run with rejects
These coal miner rednecks need reality checks
You’re just another pawn in the military complex
A fashion figurehead for the underfed
Brilliant, you survived! But Rue’s still dead.
KATNISS: The difference between you and me is book knowledge and street smarts
Step to the Mockingjay you’ll end up with scar marks
It’s like you’re hijacked, you’re mental, delirious
We find it funny, but you’re dead Sirius
I’m the pro with a bow and the flow to overthrow
Mr. Snow and his whole freaking reality show
Little miss perfect, though what’s truly twisted
On your parents’ happiest day they forgot you existed
HERMIONE: I bust bars like Haymitch, the smartest witch, I own this bitch
Hey, how are you still hungry in that beefcake sandwich?
Fraud wedding, fake baby, and your flames don’t exist
So-called star-crossed lovers need a camera to kiss
I sling unforgettable verses like unforgivable curses
What’s worse is your universe isn’t immersive
Your glory’s only temporary, your country is a mortuary
Next on your itinerary: kill yourself, eat the berries
Make a last wish – gonna need three cannons for this hat trick
So sick of your schtick, all I do is win, ya nitpick
That’s why I’m the hero and you’re just a sidekick
Pathetic and predictable – I’m hot on your trail
Coulda had a Viktor, but you chose ginger fail?
I bet with wands drawn, he’s still just a yawn
With performances worse than Michael Gambon
Got a Nimbus up your butt? Well, let’s probe deeper
Never played quidditch but you know I’m a keeper
You must be drunk on butterbeer, now grab a cloak and disappear
Who wants to kick this witch’s ass? Hmm… I volunteer!
HERMIONE: Oh, there’ll be no trouble ‘cause on stage you struggle
I’ll be charming and disarming while I waste this rubbish Muggle
I’ll end this blasted skrewt, propaganda prostitute
Who thinks she’s so cute with her Girl Scout salute
Just a tribute, can’t decide which guy’s sweeter
Share your bread with Gale, then stuff your mouth with Peeta
How does it help the poor to start a civil war?
Your story’s a bore, why don’t you plagiarize more?
It’s been done before, ask Dumbledore
It’s Battle Royale set in 1984
And furthermore if you’re keeping score that’s five more points for
SORTING HAT: GRYFFINDOR!
KATNISS: I’ll drill this dentists’ daughter here in her alma mater
‘bout to slaughter this otter, even Potter knows I’m hotter
I stomp career jocks, kick your British buttocks
For this Riddle, second fiddle, you’re the Watson to his Sherlock
Turn back the clocks, tick tock, tick tock
Odds ever in my favor ‘cause you rap like an Avox
Shock the mic like a wire, you’ll fry and die on a pyre
‘cause you’re gonna get burned by the girl on fire!
HERMIONE: On fire? Oh! Just like your dad
Or the hospital you visited to film a quick ad
I’ve got the cortex to ace my subjects
I got that bad blood while you run with rejects
These coal miner rednecks need reality checks
You’re just another pawn in the military complex
A fashion figurehead for the underfed
Brilliant, you survived! But Rue’s still dead.
KATNISS: The difference between you and me is book knowledge and street smarts
Step to the Mockingjay you’ll end up with scar marks
It’s like you’re hijacked, you’re mental, delirious
We find it funny, but you’re dead Sirius
I’m the pro with a bow and the flow to overthrow
Mr. Snow and his whole freaking reality show
Little miss perfect, though what’s truly twisted
On your parents’ happiest day they forgot you existed
HERMIONE: I bust bars like Haymitch, the smartest witch, I own this bitch
Hey, how are you still hungry in that beefcake sandwich?
Fraud wedding, fake baby, and your flames don’t exist
So-called star-crossed lovers need a camera to kiss
I sling unforgettable verses like unforgivable curses
What’s worse is your universe isn’t immersive
Your glory’s only temporary, your country is a mortuary
Next on your itinerary: kill yourself, eat the berries
