The Last Months of My Life
written by Account Terminated
This will be my last journal I will ever write. Trigger warnings: -Death-Self Harm-Rape-Abuse-Cancer-Depression-Panic Attacks
Last Updated
05/31/21
Chapters
8
Reads
719
Day 32 6/8/2017
Chapter 5
Dear Red John,
A lot happened since last time. And by a lot I mean a lot of stuff.
First:
I'm thinking about chemo. Great, right? My doctor said that the cancer wouldn't be gone just better and less painful. I'm still going to die. There is no chance for me to survive this.
Second:
Jimmy is dead. He killed himself. I still can't belive it. My best friend is just gone. It is so quiet without him. I really miss him. Maybe this was another reason he said no. Because he had alredy planned it and he tried to protect me from the pain but let me tell you: It didn't work. I'm still hurt! I just want him back! With his smile, his eyes, his smell! I just want to talk to him for one last time! I could have prevented it if I haven't been in the hospital. And the best part is that I can't even g to his funeral because of chemo. The first day starts a day before the funeral. The doctor said that I can't go because I would be to weak to handle it...
Yay, fun! I can't go to his fucking funeral!
I aleays thought I was the one who dies first. Apparently I was wrong. A long time ago we made this pack. It was a suicide pack. If one of us dies the other does too. Well, this wil work out now.
Third:
There is this girl on this website. She calls herself Alice Snape. She broke me apart. She said she wanted me to die faster and that it would be a good thing that I die. What if she is right? What if the world is better without me?
I cry because of her. I know it is silly to cry because of a cyber bully with 24 but it hurts so much! All the things she is saying. Glad that she said nothing about Jimmys death.
I just want to punch her in the face but I guess I'm to weak for that.
And on the subway today some kids made fun of me because I had my oxygen tank with me. I need it to go out. otherwise I can't breath. They made fun of me and said that I was already dead and I should give my subway seat to someone who is alive. The best part was that their mother was right there and said nothing to them.
Guess this would be all for today.
Will see you in a while.
Bye.
A lot happened since last time. And by a lot I mean a lot of stuff.
First:
I'm thinking about chemo. Great, right? My doctor said that the cancer wouldn't be gone just better and less painful. I'm still going to die. There is no chance for me to survive this.
Second:
Jimmy is dead. He killed himself. I still can't belive it. My best friend is just gone. It is so quiet without him. I really miss him. Maybe this was another reason he said no. Because he had alredy planned it and he tried to protect me from the pain but let me tell you: It didn't work. I'm still hurt! I just want him back! With his smile, his eyes, his smell! I just want to talk to him for one last time! I could have prevented it if I haven't been in the hospital. And the best part is that I can't even g to his funeral because of chemo. The first day starts a day before the funeral. The doctor said that I can't go because I would be to weak to handle it...
Yay, fun! I can't go to his fucking funeral!
I aleays thought I was the one who dies first. Apparently I was wrong. A long time ago we made this pack. It was a suicide pack. If one of us dies the other does too. Well, this wil work out now.
Third:
There is this girl on this website. She calls herself Alice Snape. She broke me apart. She said she wanted me to die faster and that it would be a good thing that I die. What if she is right? What if the world is better without me?
I cry because of her. I know it is silly to cry because of a cyber bully with 24 but it hurts so much! All the things she is saying. Glad that she said nothing about Jimmys death.
I just want to punch her in the face but I guess I'm to weak for that.
And on the subway today some kids made fun of me because I had my oxygen tank with me. I need it to go out. otherwise I can't breath. They made fun of me and said that I was already dead and I should give my subway seat to someone who is alive. The best part was that their mother was right there and said nothing to them.
Guess this would be all for today.
Will see you in a while.
Bye.
