Dear Red John,
I know it is been a while. I'm sorry for that...
It was a long week and many things happened all at once.

Shall we start again with the bad things:

Bad thing #1: I asked Jimmy to marry me... Well, he said no... Kinda knew it if I'm honest. I felt it in my guts. I had a really bad feeling about it. I asked him why and he said that he dosen't want to relive the things. He means by that that he dosen't want to go through it all again. The pain, the false hope given by the doctors, the tears, the stress, the worrying. He had it all with his mother too. And so yeah... He dosen't want me...

Bad thing #2: My bills... They are so high and I can't pay them... I really need to do something about it... Last hot shower was 3 weeks ago...

Bad thing #3: Breathing gets a lot more harder. I noticed it the past few days as I walked up the stairs. I mean stairs weren't always easy for me but the past few days it got really hard. I need to stop every second stair because I'm out of breath. I talked about it and the doctor said that it will get not better... And that I need an oxygen in the next weeks or months. Like Hazle in "the fault in our stars".

Good thing#1: Well, there is litterly nothing good at this time... All is going down and I'm going with it... This is a very negative entry...

Guess I will sleep now... Again... Sleeping is all I do tbh...

See ya next time!