Dear Red John,
I'm sorry I didn't write anything yesterday but I just couldn't. I was too weak. I stayed all day in bed and slept.
Today is a bit better but not ver much. I was out on the balkony again but I needed a blanket because it was cold. My best friend Jimmy was with me and he halped me alot. I really have to say that I like him.
We have know each other since kindergarden. We went together through some shit.
He said the he can't be with me because his mother died of cancer too and he didn't want to see it all again and live it all again. He is there for me as a friend but not as a boyfriend. I asked where the diffrence was. He answered that a friend just lost a friend but as a boyfriend he will lose his love of his life and a soulmate.
We sat together outside and played a bit of UNO. After a while I got tired and Jimmy picked me up and carried me to my bed. He covered me in blankets and my fluffy blanket and stayed with me the whole time.
Next thing I know I woke up to coughing and I couldn't breath. I could feel how I coughed up blood again. Jimmy came to me as fast as he could and tried to clam me down. I was so scared. I was sure I would die now. But I also know that with every passing day it will get not better.

I know that some day I will wake up and can't breath anymore.
I know that some day I will wake up too painful seizures because the cancer took my brain.
I know that some day I will wake up and I will feel like drowning.
I know that some day I will not wake up anymore.

Today I couldn't drink on my own because the cups were to heavy. Jimmy needed me to help me.
I was so emberrassed... He just knows me as a strong woman.

That would be all for today.
I hope I can make it tomorrow.
See ya!