The Last Months of My Life
written by Account Terminated
This will be my last journal I will ever write. Trigger warnings: -Death-Self Harm-Rape-Abuse-Cancer-Depression-Panic Attacks
Last Updated
05/31/21
Chapters
8
Reads
719
Day 8 12/7/2017
Chapter 1
Dear Red John,
it's now 8 days ago... Eight days ago I got the information that my cancer is back and I have seven more months to live.
I'm scared, I'm glad, I'm sad, I'm happy. So many emotions... I'm scared to leave all my friends behind, I'm glad that this life will end, I'm sad that my mother and father dosen't care about it, I'm happy that I get the chance to do things I would never do.
The days are getting harder to be honest. It is harder to walk. With every passing day it get's more harder to breath right. I'm trying to be strong. I don't want that my friends see that I'm weak. I want them to remember me as a strong person.
It's so annoying... Everyone is trying to get you to fo chemotherapy... Because it would help me and it would make me feel better. But let's be honest: They just want it because of selfish reasons. They can't handle the pain when I'm away. They are scared of the day the doctor calls and tell them I passed away. No one is thinking about me. What it would mean for me. For me it just would be two more months full of pain. And I don't want it.
I had a good day today. I was sitting on the balcony for a while and watched the sun. When you have little time left you appreciate the little things. I like how "normal" peole say it. How they appreciate the little things. But they never will fully understand it what it means until something is happening to them. Like it happened to me. Lung cancer came back. This time stronger. Small celled. Stage 3B. The 5-year survival rate is 8 percent. I need a lot of luck...
This was all for today.
I will write tomorrow more.
it's now 8 days ago... Eight days ago I got the information that my cancer is back and I have seven more months to live.
I'm scared, I'm glad, I'm sad, I'm happy. So many emotions... I'm scared to leave all my friends behind, I'm glad that this life will end, I'm sad that my mother and father dosen't care about it, I'm happy that I get the chance to do things I would never do.
The days are getting harder to be honest. It is harder to walk. With every passing day it get's more harder to breath right. I'm trying to be strong. I don't want that my friends see that I'm weak. I want them to remember me as a strong person.
It's so annoying... Everyone is trying to get you to fo chemotherapy... Because it would help me and it would make me feel better. But let's be honest: They just want it because of selfish reasons. They can't handle the pain when I'm away. They are scared of the day the doctor calls and tell them I passed away. No one is thinking about me. What it would mean for me. For me it just would be two more months full of pain. And I don't want it.
I had a good day today. I was sitting on the balcony for a while and watched the sun. When you have little time left you appreciate the little things. I like how "normal" peole say it. How they appreciate the little things. But they never will fully understand it what it means until something is happening to them. Like it happened to me. Lung cancer came back. This time stronger. Small celled. Stage 3B. The 5-year survival rate is 8 percent. I need a lot of luck...
This was all for today.
I will write tomorrow more.
