Today was low. Technically that's not saying a lot because I've been down since the weekend. I went to school today thinking about death and I got home from school thinkig about death, but it's what happned in between that makes the difference.

I have Biology first period and as a future pyscologist, it usually cheers me up at least a little. Thank god today was no different. Everything was going well, for the most part, until 4th period, PE. Now it wasn't the subject that basically ruined the rest of my day. While I was changing in the locker room, This girl who's locker is near mine said, "You should kill yourself! Everyone should die!"

Of course I knew she was joking and maybe she was talking to one of the other people in our area, but it was too close to home. Especially one a day where I had been basically wanting to be dead all day. I basically almost yelled at her. Saying that you don't joke about suicide and it's really not funny... at all. After, she gave me this look. IT was almost as if she knew that I think about killing myself sometimes.

I know she was joking, it was just disappointing and it made me feel as though my want to die was a joke too.

There was this other time a few months ago where my seat partner in Math said that he regularly went on gaming sites and told people to kill themselves. What these people don't realize is that some people really do think and want to kill themselves and it's not something to joke about. Maybe this is just in America, or maybe just where I live, but I think that people who don't know what me, and others go througha and how hard it is don't fully understand how difficult it is to live some days.

Suicide is NOT something to joke about, even if you are joking. Would you joke about your grandma dying, or someone being murdered? Probably not. Suicide is a real thing and people really do kill themselves and just because I haven't jumped off a bridge doesn't mean that I don't think about it.


Thank you for listening to my rant.