When I was a kid i slid love letters through the slots of lockers that belonged to my secret crushes i built paint brushes from the thing tiny hairs that stood on end every time i saw them my brain stem finally bloomed with thoughts I connected dots and made masterpieces each brush stroke a thesis dedicated to the explanation that you not knowing who i was only because anonymity made it easier to be BRAVE i dipped my brush into a tidal of i hope that this will one day wash over me i can guarantee if you’ve ever had a secret admirer who very much like me who loved someone very much like YOU with someone who wanted to tell you how much you’ve meant how every second we spent thinking of you was simply the cost of getting us through the hard times we save nickels and dimes hoping our first date would be with you so the disappoint of LOVE we gave up dreams and interest and i promise you every girl i’ve ever met remembers the names of the ones they loved FIRST that our thirst for love continues as we cross the desert of maybe believing we will find an OASIS of yes… acquiesce yes we probably should just have said something but we chicken shit… we lit the fuses of our hearts and exploded every time you walked on by. When i was a kid i trusted myself that one-day i’d be a women one mom to have a childhood for a past and a future for a backup plan that every gauntlet i ever ran was a potato sack race in which times would choose me further toward an ENDING i am bending myself back to the beginning reminding myself there is NO winning any race against yourself slow down… and when the kid in you falls turn around pick them up dust them off and then continue.