God, they say senior anxiety and senioritis is a thing, but they never tell you the fucking emotional toll it will take on you. Like never in a million years did i ever think i'd be asking myself this question. How do you tell someone you love them? How do you tell the person who you've grown up with, you love them? Not as a friend, but genuinely love and care for them more than anyone else? How do you tell them that you're scared to lose them? That the reason you get up every morning and go to that shitty high school is because of them? I know I've written about my best guy friend before, about how I have feelings for him and how I have a crush on him. I know I would say I've fallen in love with him, and if I'm being honest I'm not 100% that was really true at the time, more me being dramatic and being like OMG I feel this way. Never have I felt this way about anyone before, like I feel like I've been hit by a fucking truck, it hurts to breath around him, I've never felt so happy around someone the way I do him. He's my everything. I don't know what i'd do without him, this boy is my fucking lifeline. But I can't also help but dread whats going to happen after we graduate. From what he's told me before, I'm like his sister....and that fucking hurts......but I don't know what to do. But I don't know, I can't say I love you, I want to but our friendship is to valuable to me. I don't want to say goodbye to him once were done with Senior year. I love him way to much.....and honestly, this could be my anxiety of what to come once I walk across that stage, this could be my fear of growing up. But all that being said, I don't want to say goodbye. I can't ever imagine us ending.All I can do is wait for graduation. Wait for the goodbye. Wait for our 7-year long friendship to come to the final chapter. That's all for now
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Ari