Chapter Seven – Saoirse.

I remember when I used to love noise. The sound of people shouting and jesting, the men drinking and singing and the women gossiping in the corner, swearing their heads off as they talked. Warm and snug, the smell of whisky and leather. Dim light surrounding me and laughter echoing through the room.

Then I remember that was Ireland. That was home. A home from ten years back to which I will never return.

The noise in the Gryffindor common room is certainly unpleasant and the shit they talk about is driving me insane. No one in my house seems to be able to come up with a decent topic of conversation, with exception of the few brighter ones such as Remus Lupin and Lily Evans - and of course my only friend here, Sisa Cordoba. But most of them are just stupid idiots who can’t tell which way is up.

I have no idea why I was placed in this house – really, I don’t. I thought I was heading for Slytherin, or perhaps Ravenclaw, but oh no, the hat murmured in my ear and suddenly I was a Gryffindor. Put in with the imbeciles no doubt because I am one. Though perhaps in a different way.

But the title of king of all imbeciles and dim-witted eejits in my house would have to go to the one and only James Potter. I watch as he enters the common room, most likely looking for Lily Evans, who he seems to be hounding due to an obvious crush on his part. His swagger, his arrogant smile, his bored look when things aren’t interesting enough for him – they all make me sick. I find myself unintentionally staring at him as he walks in, craning his neck in search of Lily and saying something to his equally sickening partner in crime Sirius Black. Peter Pettigrew’s with them too, a snivelling runt of a boy who idolizes James and gets treated like a piece of shit by both Sirius and the King of Imbeciles – not that he doesn’t deserve it. Remus, however, seems to be absent, and I crease my brow, now staring into space, and wonder if he’s ok. He wasn’t looking great in Herbology today, his face pale and eyes a little far-off.

I watch as James realises Lily’s not here and with a look of boredom, searches the room for another source of entertainment. And that’s when his eyes meet mine.

Immediately I avert my gaze, turning back to my book. The last thing I want is James Potter bombarding me with questions and teasing me with uninventive insults and comments. But I know that I’ve failed when I hear his heavy tread approaching my corner as he walks across the carpeted floor, dread swelling within me. He reaches me soon enough, entering the little alcove that’s become my haven from the loud crowd of Gryffindors that usually populates the common room. I here him inhale and open his mouth and finally look up to cut across the start of presumably pathetic jape.

“Shut up and bugger off.” I say with hostility.

“Well aren’t you a friendly one.” James doe the exact opposite of my request and sites down next to me on the seat. He looks over my shoulder at the book I’m reading as I try not to squirm uncomfortable and freeze. “What you reading?” He creases his brow and looks at me. “What the hell are you reading? I can’t read that.”

“That’s because it’s in Gaelic and you have a brain the size of a pea.” I shut my book with snap and look at him, scowling. “Now go. I don’t want to talk to you.”

“You never want to talk to anyone.” Says James, laughing with scorn in his tones. “Which is precisely why I’m going to stay here and talk to you.”

“You’re only here because you’re bored and you couldn’t find Lily.” I answer, angered by the scorn in his voice but trying to keep cool. “And in case you didn’t know, I have friends.”

James simply scoffs and looks at me. “You mean those weirdoes? The gypsy girl who’s got that explosive temper, the mad Slytherin who thinks she’s a tree and their other crazy companions? You really want to hang around with them?”

“Yes.” I say bluntly, eyes sparkling with anger at the insults aimed at my friends. “I’d rather die than ‘hang out’ with you, anyway. Or anyone else in this bloody house.”

James looks at me sharply and I notice with surprise that the arrogant, teasing look has left his eyes. “Oh, so you’re going to insult your house now? Way to go, Irish girl. Just remember that you were put here because of who you are, not because of a random decision from the sorting hat. Whatever you think, you belong here. That’s the harsh truth for you.”

I can’t help but stare at him. It’s the first time I’ve seen his arrogant demeanour slip away and seriousness enter his eyes. I see the pride in his eyes and realises the speech was completely natural, then wonder if I misjudged James Potter.

He looks up and meets my eyes and I look back to my book, trying to concentrate on the Gaelic poem I had been reading. However, he also turns to survey to the volume in my hands then, realising he slipped up and questioning in the tones he more commonly employed.

‘’You read Gaelic, then? That’s very patriotic, I-’’

‘’If you call me ‘Irish Gal’ one more time, I’m going to-’’

‘’Smash my face in? I’ll take your word for it.’’ He says, cutting across my threat. He’s too amused by me and I wonder if I really look that stupid, trying to act savage. Because I’m not really like that - or rather, I didn’t used to be like this. Years ago I was different. But now I have to fight to keep my walls up and push anyone who tries to get close to me away.

‘’Why do you hate Gryffindor, Irish Gal? What is it about this house which makes you dislike it that much?’’ He pushes on, obviously testing me. However, I have no intention of opening up to him.

‘’Because it’s full of arrogant, pig-headed twats like you.’’ I answer, looking at him with as much scorn as I can muster.

James laughs and looks at me, cocking his head. ‘’You’re like a hedgehog.’’

‘’Excellent observation.’’ I say sardonically.

‘’Every time someone tries to ask you anything about yourself you always curl up in a ball and refuse to answer.’’ James continues. I panic inwardly, knowing where this is going. ‘’What is it, Irish Gal? What are you so scared of people asking?’’

I need to move - I need to get away. But I can’t. My entire body has frozen, muscles clenched as I clutch the seat with white hands and my mouth goes dry. I can’t tell him anything. I can’t.

‘’James.’’ A wary voice makes me jump as Remus addresses his friend. ‘’James, Lily’s here.’’

I look to Remus and actually manage to send him a look of gratitude, but James pulls my gaze back onto him as, rather than moving, he continues hounding me.

‘’You don’t add up, Irish Gal. There’s something about you missing that I can’t quite pin point…’’ My alarm increases as I realise James Potter is also not as stupid as I thought he was. His quick eyes search my face as Remus tries to call him back.

‘’James, we need to-’’

‘’Be quiet, Moony. Can’t you see I’m trying to sort something out here?’’ Says James, face thoughtful and brow creased.

‘’You mean trying to interfere with someone else’s private life.’’ Remus says pointedly. Surprise enters me again - I’ve never seen Remus stand up to James. And, by the looks of where this is going, I’ll have a lot to thank him for later.

James looks up at his friend but simply laughs with scorn. ‘’Private life? This is no ‘private life’ - this is some dark secret…’’

Anger flashes through me like a wildfire as my temper makes an appearance. ‘Dark Secret’? Oh, if only you knew, James Potter. My missing part would make you wracked with guilt if you found out. Finding myself mobilized by anger, I finally speak again and attempt to put a stop to James’ investigation.

‘’Quite the detective, are we?’’ I say bitingly, getting up to move. It’s clear Remus can’t do anything now so I’ll just have to end this and run again. ‘’Good luck with that, Potter. I’ll be off now.’’ I look to Remus as I stand up. ‘’Thanks for trying.’’

‘’You’re not going anywhere, Irish Gal. Not until I figure out what’s wrong with you.’’ James says, as if he can order me around. ‘’You can’t run again.’’

‘’You can’t stop me, Potter. Cheerio.’’ I turn to go, heading for the door. It’s lucky there’s too much noise for people to hear this and make it a scene.

‘’It’s your family.’’

James’ words ring in my ears and pull me to a halt as panic flood through me. Pleased at my reaction, he gets up behind me and advances as my chest begins to heave and my heart beats wildly.

‘’Isn’t it?’’ His voice is arrogant and scornful. Somewhere in the background I hear Remus try and call him back, but all I can hear is his voice now. ‘’What’s wrong with them? Are they dark supporters who murder three times a week? Did they throw you out because you ended up in Gryffindor? Or do you just hate them like you do everyone? Come on, Irish girl, we want to know.’’

I stand there as he takes a step closer and I hear him inhale to speak again. Unfortunately this now has become a scene - the music’s stopped and many eyes are upon me as my answer is awaited. But I don’t reply verbally. I simply turn on the spot in a flash, before he can say any more, and quite literally smash James Potter’s face in. His glasses break as my fist comes into contact with his face and he falls to the floor as the fragments of glass shatter and the impact of my hit pushes him back.

‘’Bastard.’’ My voice is dripping with fury. ‘’If you ever try to play detective with me again, I’ll throw you off the Gryffindor tower. And for your information, you’re wrong.’’

Turning away and trying to ignore the cuts on my fist from when it shattered the glass in his spectacles, I stride towards the exit of the common room. However, someone steps in front to block my path.

‘’Get out of my way.’’ I snarl at Sirius Black as he regards me with a kind of arrogant anger.

‘’Not until you apologise.’’ He says, smirking, though there’s seriousness in his eyes. I guess this is the first time James Potter has been struck down by a girl and he needs to protect their reputation.

‘’Are you really stupid enough to think I’ll say sorry to your bastard of a friend?’’ I say with fury and scorn. ‘’Move. Now.’’

Sirius opens his mouth to speak, but a light knocking on the door of our common room makes him jump and move to look at it. That’s when I grab my chance, hauling it open and slipping out in a flash, Sirius grabbing me on the arm as I go. I shake him off, however, and pull so hard that I go stumbling away as the door closes and I collide with someone who smells strongly of lemon soap.

‘’Saoirse!’’ She pulls out, smiling, then looks a little confused as she sees my red eyes and angry face. ‘’What happened?’’

‘’Nothing.’’ I wipe my face clear, though I’m still raging with fury underneath. I believe that’s the point when a friend is meant to realise it wasn’t nothing and hug you, but Peggy simply switches to her issues as soon as I’ve said it, talking over the end of my answer.

‘’By the way, have you seen Sirius? I wanted to tell him something but obviously I can’t get into your common room.’’

‘’What do you want to tell him?’’ I demand, angered by the mention of Sirius’ name.

‘’Well I kinda, well, just wanted to say hi. He’s very nice.’’ Peggy says, smiling without realising.

‘’Sirius Black is an arrogant, stupid, insensitive twat who breaks Girl’s hearts in an instant.’’ I spit with venom. ‘’Keep away from him, Peggy.’’

‘’Well what’s up with you today? I for one think Sirius is a great guy - so funny and handsome and -’’

‘’Just because he calls you ‘Megs’.’’ I say scornfully, cutting across the self-absorbed Peggy. Her ‘I love Sirius’ demeanour is incredibly annoying and I’m still furious at both James and Sirius. Plus she has to be turned away from Sirius. He’ll crush her. ‘’You’re in love with Twatface black because he calls you ‘Megs’?’’

‘’I’m not-’’ Peggy begins, then becomes angry. ‘’How dare you!’’

‘’What? Point out you’re being incredibly stupid? Of course I can dare, I’ve seen him in action. You forget I’m in the same house as him.’’ I retort, anger being pumped back up again.

‘’That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!’’ She says bitingly. ‘’You don’t spend time with any of your housemates except Sisa! How can you claim to know him?’’

‘’I know him better than you.’’ I reply with acid in my tone. ‘’I can’t believe how foolish you can be sometimes, Peggy?’’

‘’What? So I’m foolish for just liking a guy, am I?’’ Her dark skin is reddening and her eyes flashing as she takes on what Kate calls her ‘angry hamster’ look.

‘’How many times do I have to say this - Sirius Black is not a guy you should ‘like’!’’ I shout, exasperated.

‘’No - he’s not like any guy I’ve ever met.’’ Peggy says proudly, the romance and worship in her voice unbearable.

‘’For once I agree with you - he’s one of the biggest bastards on this planet - he gets second place behind James. Peggy, how stupid can you get?’’ I say maliciously.

‘’Stupid, am I?’’ Her voice becomes dangerously and unusually cool. ‘’D’you know what, Saoirse? I don’t care about what you think of me anymore. If you’d like to know, my opinion of you has now changed as well. I now know you’re just an insensitive, immature Irishwoman with anger problems.’’

That hits me. Another blow. But this time it’s from Peggy, my supposed friend. My temper increases but I don’t get a chance to yell at the stupid little idiot as she begins to speak again.

‘’I just want to find someone who supports me - it’s now clear you don’t. I’m going through so much and I just wanted some help. I can’t cope with this on my own. But you won’t help me. So I suppose Sirius is the only one who can. You have no idea what I’m going through, Saoirse.’’

‘’No idea what you’re going through?’’ I scoff. She glares at me, opens her mouth to pour out more self pity, but then jumps back as my temper suddenly explodes and I grab her by the shoulders.

‘’YOU THINK YOU’VE BEEN THROUGH HARDSHIP? YOU SELF-PITEOUS, PATHETIC LITTLE IDIOT! IF YOU FIND THIS LITTLE THING SO HARD TO DEAL WITH, TRY BEING ME FOR A DAY! TRY LIVING WITH WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!’’

My shouts are so loud they attract the attention of a group of fourth years, who look at me in alarm and fear as I meet their gaze, turning away before I look back to Peggy, letting go of her shoulders with force and pushing her backwards.

‘’You know nothing of pain or hardship. Nothing at all.’’

And, turning on my heel, I walk away, leaving my self-absorbed friend to fend for herself.