(TW: Alchohol, Drugs, Suicide)

She grabbed a white paper

With pink, twirly designs on the edges

And she wrote a letter,

With her big crayola crayon

And a smile plastered on her face

‘Dear mom, dad, and big brother’

She wrote

‘I love you so much’

She wrote it because she meant it

And she felt like it was necessary to say

And her parents hung it on the fridge,

With a big, butterfly magnet

And a smile on their faces

And she ate dinner that night,

Surrounded by her beautiful parents

And her perfect big brother

…

She pulled out a white a paper

With simple blue lines guiding her way

And she wrote a letter

With dull little pencil

And a certain look on her face

‘Dear mom and dad’

She wrote

‘I miss you guys so much’

She wrote it because she meant it

And she felt like it was necessary to say

And her parents threw it away

Tossed it in the trash

With a grim look on their faces

And she ate dinner that night,

Locked up in her dorm

With nothing but homework to keep her company

…

She ripped out a white paper

From a little old sketchpad

And she wrote a letter

With her boring old blue penc

And a solemn look on her face

‘Dear mom’

She wrote,

‘Please write back to me whenever you can’

She wrote it because she meant it

And she felt like it was necessary to say

And her mother put it away

Hidden between the old couch cushions 

That no one dared to touch

With a sad look on her face

And she ate dinner that night,

Alone in her house, 

Wondering if her mother even read that stupid little letter

…

She took out her iphone

The gray messages shone bright through the room

And she wrote a text

With her own two shaking hands

And a tired look on her face

‘Im sorry, mom’

She wrote

‘This is all my fault’

She wrote it because she meant it

And she felt it was necessary to say

And her mother called an ambulance just as she had done years before

When her brother had an empty pill bottle at his side

And when her father was so tipsy his car rammed into another

A look of guilt on her face, 

She would never find out about the ambulance

Or her mother’s remorse

As she was alone and cold on her own kitchen floor

With a bullet through her skull

Her skin had gone cold

Her eyes had gone blank

Her mind had gone empty

Her food had already cooled

Her blood had already dried

And all that was left of her were her ‘stupid little letters’

…

The ‘stupid little letters’ her mother was too selfish

To ever write back too

The ‘stupid little letters’ her mother was too careless

To pay attention to

The ‘stupid little letters’ her mother spent hours trying to find

Looking through the bins of junk

Looking through the trash

Looking through the cushions 

Trying to find these ‘stupid little letters’

The letters that are now covered with ruined makeup

And salty tears

The letters that are now stuck in a scrapbook of tattered memories

Of what their family used to be,

Of what their family once was

And now,

All that's left of that broken little family,

Are her ‘stupid little letters’