101 Sure-fire Ways to Annoy the Ol' Bat, (AKA
Professor Snape)

1.)  Present
him, each morning, with a sack-lunch for the day. In a kiddie's lunch pail of
course.

2.) Always be five
strides ahead of him, rolling out an endless red carpet.

3. Run to pull his
chair out for him at mealtimes.

4. Hug him. Say you
were on strict instructions from Dumbledore to do it.

5. Get a snip of his
hair. Have fun with a Polyjuice potion.

6. Offer to assist
him with his love-life.

7. Sneak up behind
him. Go 'Boo!' and giggle. Walk away mumbling that you 'got him good'.

8. Lick your lips
every time he looks at you.

9. Ask him at the end
of every Potions lesson if he knows a good love-potion.

10. Call him 'Bell
Bottoms' by accident.

11. In fact, call him
by a different name every time you see him. 'Tinkerbell' 'Spot' and
'Twinkle-Toes' should go down well.

12. Sigh loudly
whenever he walks away from you.

13. Try to get him to
dance the Hokey-Pokey. Demonstrate.

14. Tell him to pick
on somebody his own size. Stand on your tiptoes and suggest yourself.

15. Run into his
quarters excitedly, grab him and drag him outside. Point at a cloud that you
insist 'looks JUST like you sir!'.

16. Wink at him
anytime you make eye contact. Progress to blowing kisses.

17. Attempt to hide
inside his robes whenever Neville Longbottom's potion threatens to explode.

18. Borrow Harry’s invisibility cloak and narrate his day.

19. Call him ‘Sevvy’ instead of Professor.

20. Ask him out on a
date. (Proceed to pout when he says no).

Before you kill us…

  Appreciate our genius!

We were even kind enough to split the list up!

 Now if that isn't gracious I don't know what
is.

Go hard or go home. Right, George?

  Right, Fred !

With
A groan I folded the list back up. I had to admit that the lot of the pranks
were hilarious and would certainly get on the old git’s
nerves. But some were utterly repulsive. Hug
him? I don’t even want to breathe the same air as the prat!  I thought incredulously to myself as I
continued down the corridor to my next class. I guess I’d just have to consult
with them later.

--
Time Skip ­--

“What
do you mean I can’t change the things
on the list?” We were currently all sitting together at the table in The Great
Hall, quarreling effortlessly over the list. Fred looked quite pleased with
himself while George managed to look a wee
bit apologetic, but it was almost unnoticeable.

“Exactly
how it sounds!” He grinned mischievously at me before George piped in.

“You
said it yourself though, Ri. You want the greasy git-“

“Out.”
Fred finished. I looked between them highly unamused before sighing loudly and
rolling my eyes.

“Fine!”
I grumbled extremely unhappy about the flirty aspects of the list. My eyes
narrowed into slits as I looked at them threateningly. “But If you even think about holding this over my head.
I’ll jinx you into oblivion.” They nodded furiously happy and content with my
harsh agreement, and it wasn’t long before the twins commented.

“It’s
settled then.”

“You’ll
do the first few tomorrow!”

“Since
we have Double Potions.” I furrowed my eyebrows trying to remember what the
first one was, and when it clicked I raised an eyebrow at them.

“And
where, do you suppose, I get a ‘never-ending’ carpet?” They feigned hurt and
pressed their palms to their heart.

“How
insulting!” Fred muttered in mock despair.

“You
dare disregard our pranking royalty?” I rolled my eyes again unable to stop a
small smile from forming on my lips. George grinned.

“We’re
the suppliers.” Fred stated casually. George nodded before adding,

“All
you have to do is complete the dare.” I pursed my lips. Like that was the easy part. I
thought to myself. Fred wiped his forehead with the back of his hand pretending
to sweat, earning another famous eye roll from me.

“Talk
about doing the heavy lifting.” I threw a grape at him resulting in amused
chuckles.

“Ms.
Bennett.” A bored voice drawled from behind me. A voice I, unfortunately, knew
all too well. I slowly turned around in my seat with a sweet smile on my face.
Dressed in all black was the infamous bat of the dungeons. He had an annoyed
expression on his face and a lip curled in disgust.

“Yes?” I asked sweetly while batting my
eyelashes. He narrowed his eyes and I smirked.

“Do
refrain from your childish antics. I’m sure you have enough sense to know that
food is meant to be eaten, not thrown.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and faked a puzzled expression. “5 points
from Gryffindor for foolish behavior.” I immediately sat up straight and leered
at him. He gave me a smug smile before turning and striding away to the Head
Table. With clenched fists and a new profound hatred I turned to the twins.

“When
do we start again?”

---
The Next Day ---

  I fumbled with the carpet cursing the
Weasley’s as I did so. They just couldn’t
 have charmed it to make it smaller. Gits. I thought angrily to myself;
something I had been doing a lot I noticed. Currently I was waiting outside the
classroom doors for Snape, listening intently for his shuffled footsteps. I got
a few disgusted glances from wandering Slytherin’s but that was about it. And
even the glares... they weren’t unusual either. I was about to sit down tired
from holding up the roll of red carpet when I heard the sound of footsteps
approaching the door. Instantly I heaved the carpet onto its side and started
rolling it out. I felt wind brush against my back when the doors were swung
open, and I turned around swiftly to see Snape’s bewildered expression. I stood
up and faked innocence while holding a kiddie’s lunch pail in front of me.

The
shocked expression didn’t last long and it seemed almost too soon that it
returned back to being impassive. “What is the meaning of this, Ms. Bennett?”
He asked seemingly uninterested and bored by my antics. I looked up at him and
smiled.

“I
packed your lunch for you today. A growing man like yourself should always have
enough to eat.” He thinned his lips as I shoved the kiddie pail at him. “Here
you are.” He growled holding it in his hands thoroughly annoyed. Wow, and it’s not even 8 yet. Way to go,
Bennett! I congratulated myself internally before he eyed the carpet. I
grinned and curtsied before him watching his expression change from annoyance
to anger. “Your Majesty.”

He
sneered at me before trying to walk around, but I quickly blocked his path and
held up a tantalizing finger. “Ah ah ah.” I said scolding him. His lip curled
up dangerously. “We mustn’t rush perfection, Your Highness.” And with that I
turned and rolled out the carpet with him, unwillingly, trotting behind me. A
few students who were brave enough chuckled at the sight of this, but were
sharply cut off by a nasty snarl from the endearing Potions Master. I felt
quite satisfied with myself by the time we had reached the entrance to the
Great Hall, and decided to stop rolling out the carpet as we entered it and
arrived at the Head Table. Students were confused, whispering and staring at
us. I stood up straight as he approached his seat to quickly absorb the
Professors’ reactions. McGonagall gave me a stern look but seemed highly
amused, and I’d be lying if I said that it hadn’t shocked me.

The
other Professors held similar expressions, stunned and pure puzzlement. I
grinned triumphantly until I locked eyes with Professor Dumbledore. The grin
instantly dropped as I looked hesitantly at him. “Hello, Ms. Bennett.” He spoke
with an amused twinkle in his eyes which instantly gave me some relief. Knowing
that I wouldn’t be punished for this I quickly bowed my head in
acknowledgement. He chuckled.

“Professor
Dumbledore, Sir.” I noticed Snape had begun to reach for his chair so I bolted
up there and flew past him nearly knocking him over. He growled and recovered
quickly from my clumsy agility before I scooted out his chair for him. “Your
Majesty.” I spoke formally and he glared at me gritting his teeth.

“Sit
down, Bennett.” His voice was strained with anger and I smiled at him before curtsying.

“As
you wish, Your Highness.” And with that I skipped around the table and down the
aisle to seat myself at the Gryffindor table next to the boys. They were in
hysterics, laughing until they cried and high fiving me all the while. I was
beaming with pride as I filled my plate up with healthy foods, I had to eat
healthy, I was the star Seeker on the
Quidditch team after all.

“That
was brilliant, Twitch. Just bloody
brilliant!” George praised me and despite the unwanted nickname, I was touched.
Fred kept whooping at me and I rolled my eyes stuffing my face with my food.
When they soon became distracted with something else and ignored me while
bickering about some sort of ‘love potion’, I searched the Head Table once more
to observe the Dungeon Bat. He was currently staring daggers at me and the
corner of my lips curled up in a smile. His glare intensified, now burning with
fire. I chuckled and turned back around. Bennett:
1, Dungeon Bat: 0.

--

The
rest of the day went by humorously, with me rolling out the endless carpet and
pulling out his chair for him during every meal. By the end of the day he was
fuming, and I, was celebrating. He snapped at me constantly and even attempted
to one up me in class by asking questions that only N.E.W.T students would
know; but It back fired on him when I praised his intelligence and his ‘Royal
Highness’ in front of the whole class. Obviously my actions didn’t go unpunished.
I was assigned a detention and lost another 10 points from my House, but it was
worth it.  

When
I informed the twins about my detention they excitedly insisted that I do at
least one more prank off the list during it. I was very resistant to their
attempts but, finally, I gave in. My hair was sleek and straight, my make up on
point, and a vanilla aroma lofted around me; I was ready to make a public
appearance. I blew out a breath and heaved my satchel over my shoulder, exiting
the portrait to sulk down the stairs. I wasn’t looking forward to detention. He
already hated me before the pranks, but after today he looked at me like I had
killed a litter of puppies in front of him... on Christmas.

On
my way to the dungeons I thought about the Triwizard tournament that was taking
place here at Hogwarts. I was old enough to enroll but wasn’t planning on doing
it. For some odd reason, I felt as though that it wasn’t really my choice. It was
a very unsettling feeling, however, being the giddy, no pessimistic attitude,
live life in the moment Gryffindor that I was, I disregarded it constantly.

I
reached the dungeons sooner than I would have liked, and groaned inwardly as I
barged into the classroom with my famous ear splitting grin. “Hiya, Professor.”
He was seated at his desk and upon my entry, had spilt some of his ink on the surface.
I pursed my lips looking concerned at the mess. “Oops.” My eyes lifted to his
and I gave a fake apologetic smile. “My bad.” On cue, he sneered at me and used
his wand to get rid of the mess. I walked over to his desk and plopped up on
the edge of it. “So...” I began softly. “What’s shakin’, bacon?” He lifted his
head and glared at me curling his lip in anger. I wasn’t able to bask in the
glory too much longer before he shoved me off of the desk. I face planted,
groaned, and then lazily turned around to throw him a dirty look. A satisfied
smirk was plastered on his lips as I stood up dusting myself off. I glared up
at him through parted hair that was now a strew, “Rude.” I muttered lowly.

He
ignored my comment and continued scribbling on parchment. I was now,
officially, annoyed. “Well?” I asked in a huff. He snubbed me once more. I
placed my hands on my hips and tapped my foot. “Why would you give me detention
if all you planned for me to do was sit he-.” He rose a hand and gestured to the
dirty cauldrons at the far side of the room. “Oh.” My voice fell and I
approached them. I examined the cauldrons and cocked an eyebrow at them. Well
this shouldn’t be too hard. I raised my wand only to be interrupted by the old
bat once more.

“Without
magic.” He announced blandly. He didn’t even lift his head to glare at me. I really
needed to get a move on with this prank. I sighed sullenly placing my wand back
into my pocket before I grabbed a scrub and proceeded to wash the seemingly
endless cauldrons. It took forever for me to finish all of the cauldrons, and
by the time I had finished them my hands looked like prunes. I grinned. I wonder if Snape has granny hands. Highly
amused with the newly surfaced thought, I pivoted on my heel and stalked
towards his desk.

“Finished,
sir.” He waved a hand in what acted as a dismissal, but I stood there silently
instead. After a few minutes passed with silence between us, he sighed and lifted
his head in a way that suggested intolerance. He stared at me expectantly and
when I still remained silent he
spoke.

“What?”
He snapped. I blinked unfazed then thought about what I could say to get him to
stand up.

“You
had something on your pants earlier.” I mumbled. He raised an eyebrow at me and
held eye contact for a little while longer. He then continued fiddling with the
rolls of parchment on his desk, disregarding me altogether. I sighed subconsciously.
Fine. I thought. Have it your way. Sucking in a huge breath I walked around the side of his
desk and stood at his side. He glared up at me and I quickly took action. I
flung my arms around his neck and pulled him into a quick hug, well, at least
that was what I was trying to do. Due to my clumsiness, I tripped and fell into
his lap. My cheeks were burning and when I looked up he was staring back at me
appalled. I sat up completely and threw my arms around him, pulling him in to a
deep hug. He stiffened immediately at the contact and shoved me off. I fell to
the floor and landed harshly on my rear.

I
hissed slightly at the contact and glanced up at Snape. He was infuriated at
this point, and looked downright scary. Finally a flicker of fear passed over
my face and he snarled at me, his irises completely black with rage. I watched
fearfully as he stood and advanced on me. I squeaked slightly when he grabbed
my the collar yanking me up effortlessly. My feet dangled off the ground for a
second before I was heavily sat back down them. “You stupid girl!” He roared
causing me to flinch. “What were you thinking?” It was obvious it was a
rhetorical question but I managed to gain enough courage to solemnly shrug.

“I
was under strict orders from Dumbledore to hug you.” I stated nonchalantly. His
eyes flickered dangerously and I quickly hugged him again before darting out of
the dungeons. I heard a loud growl from behind me and I began to laugh
hysterically as I sprinted.