Harry Potter And The Philosipher's Stone || Hillarious Book Parody ;)
Harry Potter and the Philosipher's Stone but it's cursed. Find out Harry Potter's crappy life from his mind that's always negative. ~ WARNING: ~ MUCH SWEARING INCUDED. Do Not read if uncomfortable about swearing. Otherwise, enjoy and laugh, i hope u like it and pls message me if u want more or any questions needed!!! so enjoy <3 • - • Hey, I'm Harry. Or whatever those bitches call me. Like Hairy. U know what, yes, I'm Hairy Porter and welcome 2 my stupid life. It's as shitty as it gets. First of all, my parents died in a freaking car crash, so that's all my backstory. Yet, now I'm living with my damn Uncle and his stick wife and fucking son of a cow, Dudley. What a great life, yes I know, amazing. Once, diddikins threw all my clothes in the damn bin, so what did it do? Punch him of course. Right in that freaking fat stomach of his. Yet, now I sit in the cupboard under the stairs...
Last Updated
06/02/23
Chapters
3
Reads
1,112
Chapter 3 ~ The letters from Hogwarts, DUH
Chapter 3
I go collect the mail like a fucking servant and suddenly life stopped- WHY THE FUCK COULDNT I JUST PUT THE DAMN LETTER IN MY POCKET AND READ IT LATER?? THIS IS WHY I WAS NEVER A RAVENCLAW- i walk like an idiot, holding the mysteriously mysterious letter, containing all the shit i would ever want to hear IM JUST WAITING MONTHS BEFORE I KNOW IM A FUCKING DUDE WHO WAVES HIS WAND AROUND-
"Coward, whats a Hog Wart?"
It was the weirdest question i have ever said, but fucking Mr Coward seemed 2 get it cuz the letter flew from my hand into his.
"I DONT LIKE HOGWARTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Mr Coward rolled around on the floor, like a giant pumpkin. The letter was being ripped up by his chubby hands. I raised my eyebrows in disgust. And u know wot i did? i just fucking went to me "room" and slayed my soldiers :-
Suddenly, i hear a- ZRUMBLE RUMBLE ZOOSCREEEEECH RUMBLE ZEE- i poke my small head (aww <3) around the door and stare at mr coward.
HES COVERING UP THE LETTER BOX. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK-
my syes squint so cringe-like as i close the door.
"DONT SPY ON ME, POTTER!!"
The next day, its Sunday (:D) and mr coward seems hiipy-happy. cuz theres-
"- no post on sundays, haaaaa!!!"
"right," I say, handing out biscuits and i walk over to th window. there are 100 owls there!! since when!! "what the fuck?"
slap
i smirk as i notice something just wacked mr coward in the face. i decide to join in, so with a waky-wack!!!! i SLAM my hand on that nigga's face, revenge taking me over
slam slap slash swish WACK WHAM WOO
MORE COMING SOON. CHECK IT ALL OUT HERE:
https://www.quotev.com/story/15758615/Harry-Potter-And-The-Philosiphers-Stone-Hillarious-Book-Parody/3
