Okay. 

So.

Apparently the social worker kind of vaguely understands narcissistic abuse, because she didn't let my mom's acting fool her. My mom does a lot of side-eyes and muttering to me in Cantonese thinking no one can catch her. The social worker insisted on stepping inside, and she came while we were having dinner. She asked to just observe dinner and my mom invited her to eat with us (of course, she just can't let go of the etiquette from Asian culture but lacks any real understanding of treating people with respect). Anyways my mom was already pissed about the social worker and that I told somebody how she treated me, so she got more and more obvious about muttering to me in Cantonese. The social worker caught her microaggressions and by the end of the dinner, the worker insisted on talking to me privately. 

Of course, my mom did her usual routine: "Oh you know kids, so dramatic! They don't know what's best for them!" and tried to insert herself into the conversation, following us outside. But then the social worker did something I've never seen someone do before. She actually defeated my mom's Asian stubbornness. She sharply told my mom to stay or else she'd call the cops, then led me down the stairs of the apartment and a ways down the street before speaking to me. 

At that point, I broke loose and just started bawling. I told her about getting hit and yelled at, about my mom only coming home at night to yell at me and sleep, about foraging for my own food and staying out late. She asked me super gently if I'd like to stay with her until we can figure things out and I said yes. 

So she just. Did that. She walked me to my apartment and told me to pack. My mom was absolutely livid at this point, yelling about kidnapping and calling the cops. But she couldn't do anything. For the first time in my life, she was powerless. The social worker put my things in her car and drove me to her house. Apparently she lives pretty close by. She set me up in her guest bedroom.

I'm beyond grateful for this social worker. She's not like the rest. I would never trust CPS- I mean, I have friends from school whose entire lives were ruined by CPS. One of my friends even reported their rapist just to be told to stay with him. It's insane. This social worker, she acts different. She shot me a mysterious little smile in the car as we were driving, while the lights flickered. 

Actually now that I think about it, the lights flickering were a little weird. The streetlights are usually broken like that, at least when I walk past them, but the way she looked at me and the way they were flickering so strongly on and off, like they were being supercharged to light up the world just to bring more darkness when they turned off, was new. 

Anyways, I'm writing this now in my lil journal from her bed. She gave me some tea this morning, Earl Grey with soymilk. It was warm and soothing and so delicious, although I wonder if it just seems that way because I'm settling down from all the shit that happened last night. None of it feels real. 

I got to see the social worker better in this morning light. She told me to call her Tonks, which is kind of a weird name but alright. She has cropped pink hair and sharp, dark eyes. She told me she'd get me out of here. And you know what the crazy thing is? I sort of believe her. 

I learned a long time ago that hope and faith leads only to disappointment and despair. But something about this woman... it makes me want to trust her.