Haruhi (Narrating) - *sigh* This place has four library rooms. You think one of them would be quite. *looks out window* How are things in heaven mom? I can't believe it's been ten years already. I'm beginning to think that rich kids only come to school to have a good time. *find music room #3* An abandoned music room. *opens door* I guess this is the only place I'll be able to study in peace and quiet.

• rose petals*

Host Club - Welcome!

Haruhi (Narrating) - When I opened the door, I found the host club.

Tamaki (Narrating) - Only those with excellent social standing, and those from filthy rich families, are lucky enough to spend their time here, at the elite, private school, Ouran Academy. The Ouran Host Club is where the schools handsomest boys with too much time on their hands, entertain young ladies who also have way too much time on their hands. Just think of it as Ouran Academy's elegant playground for the super rich and beautiful.

Haruhi - This is a Host Club!?

Host Club - Oh, wow! It's a boy!

Kyoya - Hikaru, Kaoru, I believe this young man is in the same class as you, isn't he?

Hikaru and Kaoru - Yeah, but he's shy. He doesn't act very sociably, so we don't know much about him.

Kyoya - Hm. Well that wasn't very polite. Welcome to the Ouran Host Club, Mr. Honor's Student.

Tamaki - What? You must be Haruhi Fujioka!

Haruhi - *tries to escape*

Tamaki - You're the exceptional honor's student we've heard about!

Haruhi - How did you know my name?

Kyoya - Why, you're infamous. It's not everyday a commoner gains entrance into our academy. You must have an audacious nerve to work hard enough to fight your way into this school as an honor's student, Mr. Fujioka.

Haruhi - Well...Uh...Thank you, I guess...

Tamaki - You're welcome! *puts hand around Haruhi's shoulder* You're a hero to all other poor people, Fujioka. You've shown the world that even a poor person can excel at an elite private academy!

• Haruhi scoots away slowly*

Tamaki - It must hard for you to constantly be looked down upon by others.

Haruhi - I think you're taking this poor thing too far.

Tamaki - Spurned, neglected. But that doesn't matter now. Long live the poor! We welcome you poor man to our world, of beauty!

Haruhi - I'm outta here.

Honey - Hay! Come back here Haru-Chan! You must be like a superhero or something! That's so cool!

Haruhi - I'm not hero, I'm an honor's student. AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING HARU-CHAN!?!?!?!? *pant, pant*

Tamaki - I never would have imagined that the famous scholar, would be so openly gay.

Haruhi - Openly what?

Tamaki - So tell me what kind of guy's you're into. *shows Mori* Do you like the strong silent type, *show Honey* the boy-lolita? *shows the twins* How about the michivous type, *shows Kyoya* or the cool type?

Haruhi - I....Uh...I-I-It's not like that! I was just looking for a quiet place to study!

Tamaki - *strokes Haruhi's face* Or maybe, your into a guy like me. What do you say?

• Haruhi jumps out of Tamaki's reach only to bump into an expensive vase, smashing it into a million pieces*

Hikaru and Kaoru - AAGGHH!

Hikaru - We were going to feature that Renaissance vase in an upcoming school auction.

Kaoru - Oh, now you've done it commoner! The bidding on that vase was supposed to start at eight million yen!

Haruhi - What!? Eight million yen!? How many thousand yen is that? How many thousands are in a million? Uh..I'm gonna have to pay you back.

Hikaru and Kaoru - With what money? You can't even afford a school uniform.

Kaoru - What's with that grubby outfit you got on anyway?

Kyoya - Well, what do you think we should do Tamaki?

Haruhi - !

Tamaki - There is a famous saying you made have heard Fujioka. When in Rome, you should do as the Romans do. Since you have no money, you can pay with your body. That means starting today, you're the Host Club's dog.

Haruhi - I don't know if I can handle this mom. I been captured by a bunch of boys that are calling themselves a "Host Club".

Honey - Poke, poke.

• Haruhi faints*

Later, during the Host Club....

Girl 1 - Um, Tamaki, what's your favorite song?

Tamaki - What song? The one that reminds me of you, of course.

Girl 2 - I baked you a cake today. Would you like to taste it?

Tamaki - Only if you'll feed it to me, darling.

Girl 2 - Oh, wow. You're so dreamy.

Ayanokoji - May I have a word with you, Tamaki?

Tamaki - Hm?

Ayanokoji - I've recently heard the Host Club is keeping a kitten with now pedigree.

Tamaki - Huh, I don't know if I'd call him that. *Haruhi walks in* Oh, speak of the devil. Thanks for doing the shopping, little piglet. Did you get everything on our list?

Haruhi - What? Piglet?

Tamaki - Hey, wait a minute. What is this?

Haruhi - Just what it looks like. It's coffee.

Tamaki - I've never seen this brand before. Is this the kind that's already ground?

Haruhi - What do you mean? It's instant coffee.

Girls - It's instant?

Tamaki - Woah! I've heard of this before! It's commoners' coffee. You just add hot water!

Gril 1 - I didn't know there was such a thing.

Girl 2 - So, it's true then. Poor people don't have enough free time to grind their own coffee beans.

Girls - Mmhm!

Kyoya - Commoners are pretty smart.

Hikaru - One hundred grams for three hundred yen?

Kaoru - That's a lot less then we normally pay.

Haruhi - I'll go back and get something else. Excuse me for not getting you guys expensive coffee.

Tamaki - No, I'll keep it.

Everyone - *gasp*

Tamaki - I'm going to give it a try. I will drink this coffee!

Everyone except Haruhi - *applause*

Tamaki - Alright, Haruhi. Get over here and make some f this commoners coffee.

Haruhi - I hate all these damn rich people.

Ayanokoji - Oh, Tamaki. Now you're taking the joke too far. Your pallet won't be able to stomach that crap. You don't have to drink it just because he bought it.

Haruhi - Hm?

Ayanokoji - I'm sorry. *looks right at Haruhi* I was talking to myself.

Haruhi - Um...

Tamaki - Haruhi!

Haruhi - Uh-I'm coming.

Haruhi - *makes instant coffee* Here.

Tamaki - Let the tasting begin.

Girl 1 - I'm a little scared to drink this stuff.

Girl 2 - I'm afraid if I drink this, my father will yell at me.

Tamaki - What if I let you drink it, form my mouth?

Girl 2 - Well, then I would drink it.

• Fangirl screams*

Haruhi - This is ridiculous.

Hikaru - HAHAHA! So he had this nightmare that made him bolt right out of bed.

Kaoru - Hikaru! Don't tell them that story! I asked you not to tell anyone that. *starts to cry* Why are you so mean to me?

Hikaru - I'm sorry, Kaoru.

Girls - *gasp*

• Hikaru gets so close, they could almost kiss*

Hikaru - I didn't mean to upset you. But you were so adorable when it happened, I just had to tell them. I'm sorry.

Kaoru - I forgive you.

Fangirls - OH! I'VE NEVER SEEN BROTHERLY LOVE QUITE LIKE THAT!!

Haruhi - What are they so excited about? I just don't get it.

Honey - *yawn* Sorry. We're running late.

Girl 1 - Hello, Honey! Hey, Mori!

Girl 2 - We've waiting for you guys! Hi!

Honey - I'm sorry. I was waiting for Takashi to finish his Kendo meeting, and I fell asweep. *rubs eyes* And I'm still not, completely awake.

Girls - *gasp* SO CUTE!!

Haruhi - Is that boy really a third year student?

Kyoya - Honey-Senpai might seem young and childish, but he's a prodigy. And then Mori-Senpai allure, is as strong and silent as his position.

Haruhi - Uh...

Honey - Haru-Chan! Hey, Haru-Chan, do you wanna go have some cake with me?

Haruhi - Thanks, but I don't really like cake.

Honey - Than how about, would you like to hold on to my bunny, Usa-Chan?

Haruhi - I' not, into, bunnies.

Honey - Are you saying you don't like Usa-Chan?

Haruhi - Oh...I guess he is kinda cute, huh?

Honey - *gasp*........ Take good care of him, okay!?

Kyoya - You'll notice that our club utilizes each mans unique characteristics to cater to the desires of our guests. Just so you know, Tamaki's number one around here. He's the King. His request rate is seventy percent.

Haruhi - What's this world coming to?

Kyoya - And in order for you to pay off your eight million yen debt with us, you act as the Ouran Host Clubs dog until you graduate. I'm sorry. I meant our errand boy. You can try to run if you want to Haruhi, but just so you know, my family employes a private police force of one hundred officers. By the way, do have a passport? (Meaning you wont be able to stay in the country.)

Haruhi - Huh?

Tamaki - You're gonna have to work hard to pay off that debt, my little nerd. *lightly blows on the back of Haruhi's neck*

Haruhi - *gasp*! *pant, pant, pant, pant, pant* Please don't do that again.

Tamaki - You need a makeover or no girl is going to look twice at you.

Haruhi - Yeah. Well, I'm not trying to get girls to look at me.

Tamaki - Are you kidding me? That's the most important thing! You have to learn to be a gentlemen and please the ladies, like me.

Haruhi - I just don't think it's all that important.

Tamaki - Hm!?

Haruhi - Why should I care about appearances and labels anyway? I mean, all that really matters is what's on the inside, right? I don't understand why you even have a Host Club like this.

Tamaki - It's a cruel reality, isn't it?

Haruhi - *growl*

Tamaki - It's not often that God creates a perfect person like moi. Beautiful both inside and out.

Haruhi - Say what?

Tamaki - I understand how you feel, since not everyone is as blessed as I am. But you must console yourself, if otherwise you couldn't go on living. And think about this, Haruhi. Why do you think they put works of art on museums? Because beauty should be shared with the world. And those born beautiful --

Haruhi - There's a word to describe people like him. Arrgh. What is it? Aw man. I wish I could remember that word. Hmm...

Tamaki - I've decided to share my expertise with you. Here's a tip! When setting down your glass, extend your pinky finger as a cushion. And that way, when you set it down, You won't be making a lot of noise--

Haruhi - Hmm...Maybe...A pain in the neck....No....There's something that fits him perfectly....

Tamaki - And above all else Haruhi, you must remember, how effective a glance to the side can be.

Haruhi - Huh, I got it!

Tamaki - Oh, did I strike a cor--

Haruhi - Obnoxious!

Tamaki - Uh-- *goes to the corner and rolls up like a ball*

Haruhi - Uh, I'm sorry Tamaki-Senpai.

Hikaru and Kaoru - HAHAHA!

Hikaru - You're a hero alright.

Kaoru -Uhhuh!

Haruhi - {He really is a pain in the neck} I'm sorry Senpai. But your lesson did strike a small cord with me.

Tamaki - *stands up* Really? It did? Let me teach you more, my friend.

Haruhi - Well, he got over that quick.

Kaoru - Boss?

Tamaki - Call me King!

Kaoru - You can teach him all the basics of Hosting,

Hikaru - But he's not going to get very far with the ladies if he doesn't look the part, you know? *starts taking Haruhi's glasses off* He's not Host Club material but, maybe if we took off his glasses it'll help. !

Haruhi - Hey, I need those! I used to have contacts, but I lost them on the first day of school.

Tamaki - *gasp* *snap* Hikaru! Kaoru!

Hikaru and Kaoru - Got it! *pulls Haruhi away*

Haruhi - AAAAHHHHH!!!

Tamaki - Kyoya, my hair stylist! Mori-Senpai, go to the eye doctor and get him some contact lenses!

Honey - What about me, Tama-Chan!?

Tamaki - Honey-Senpai....

Honey - Yes, Sir!?

Tamaki - You...Go have some cake.

Honey - It's just us, Usa-Chan. Everyone else said they were too busy.

Hikaru and Kaoru - Here! Change into this uniform!

Haruhi - What!? But why!?

Hikaru and Kaoru - Don't ask questions!

Haruhi - NO! WAIT!

Hikaru and Kaoru - CHANGE! CHANGE! CHNAGE! CHANGE!

Haruhi - OK! FINE! I'LL CHANGE! BUT YOU TWO HAVE TO GET OUT!

Hikaru and Kaoru - WWWAAAHHH!! Huh?

Honey - Ummm...Yummy....

Haruhi - Um..Senpai...

Tamaki - Aren't you done changing yet?

Haruhi - *opens curten* You sure it's really okay for me to keep this uniform?

Tamaki - SO CUTE! You're as pretty as a girl! Adorable!

Honey - Haru-Chan you look so cute!

Hikaru -If we had known that's how you really look...

Kaoru - We would have helped you out sooner!

Kyoya - Who knows. Maybe he'll draw in some customers.

Tamaki - You know, that's just what I was thinking.

(Bullcrap)

Tamaki - Our errand boy is moving up the ranks! Starting today, you're an official member of the Host Club! I will personally train you to be a first rate Host! If you can get one hundred customers to request your service, we will completely forget about your eight million yen debt.

Haruhi - A Host?

Kimiko - So, tell me Haruhi, do you have any hobbies? What do you like to do?

Momoka - I'm curious, what kind of products do you use on your skin?

Girl - Yes, it's so pretty!

Haruhi - {I can't do this anymore. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.}

Girls - So why did you join the Host Club, Haruhi?

Haruhi - {Uh...All I have to do is get one hundred customers to request me, and they'll forget about my eight million yen debt. I know just the story.}

Momoka - I see. Your mother was sick and passed away ten years ago. Who does the chores around the house?

Haruhi - Oh, I do them myself. My mother taught me. She was an amazing cook. And when she went to the hospital, she left me all kinds of different recipes. It was fun to create each dish. Especially when they turned out well. And it made me happy to see my dad enjoy it. I've had a hard childhood, but dad and I have managed to make it through okay.

Girls - So, uh.. Is it okay.. if tomorrow.. we request to sit with you again?

Haruhi - Yeah, I'd really appreciate that ladies.

Tamaki - Why ia he so popular?

Kyoya - He's a natural.

Hikaru and Kaoru - No training needed.

Ayanokoji - Have you forgotten about me?

Tamaki - Oh, no. Sorry Princess. I'm just a little bit concerned about our newest host.

Ayanokoji - Well, that's obvious, Tamaki. You sure have been keeping an eye on him.

Tamaki - Of course. I have to. I'm training him to be a gentlemen like me. *snap* Haruhi! Come here for a minute.

Haruhi - What's up?

Tamaki - I'd like you to meet someone. This is my regular guest, Princess Ayanokoji.

Haruhi - {It's that girl from earlier.} Miss, It's a pleasure to meet you.

Tamaki - *gasp* *grabs Haruhi and starts twirling him around* That was so cute! That little bashfulness was good! Very good! Amazingly good!

Ayanokoji - Tamaki...

Tamaki - Oh, your so cute!!

Haruhi - Mori-Senpai! Help me!

Mori - *grabs Haruhi out of Tamaki's grasp and holds him in the air* *blushes*

Tamaki - Mori-Senpai...you really didn't have to go that far. *to Haruhi* Come on little one, let Daddy give you a big hug.

Haruhi - I already have a dad, I don't need another one.

• SPLASH*

Haruhi - Hey, what happened to my bag? *Haruhi looks out the window and sees all of his things in the fountain outside* Oh. Are you kidding me? But, how did that happen? I didn't think there were bullies at this school. Guess their everywhere.

• *Haruhi runs down the hallway and stops when he sees Ayanokoji*

Ayanokoji - Oh. It's you again. I bet you love having Tamaki making you over and fawning over you. It's useless though. You're always going to be a second class citizen. *walks away*

Haruhi - I have a feeling that girl's the one who threw my bag in the pond. I can't be bothered with her right now though. I gotta find my wallet or I won't have any money for food this week.

Tamaki - Hey, commoner! You've got some nerve skipping out on the club like that. *gasp* Why is your bag all wet?

Haruhi - Uh..it's no big deal. I got it. I just can't find my food money.

• Tamaki gets in the pond to help Haruhi*

Haruhi - Oh..Hey, you don't have to do that. You'll get wet.

Tamaki - A little water never hurt anyone. Besides, people are always telling me that I'm dripping with good looks.

• Haruhi blankly stares at Tamaki*

Tamaki - Oh...Hang on a second. This what you're looking for? *walks over to Haruhi* What's the matter? You're staring off into space. You're not falling for me, are you?

Haruhi - *snatches wallet* Oh, no way!

Tamaki - How did your bag end up in the pond anyway?

Haruhi - *blush* Well..uh..I guess I accidentally dropped it out the window at some point.

Ayanokoji - Oh, really? That must've been terrible. I can't imagine what I'd do if my bag fell into the pond.

Haruhi - {Why did she request me, when it's obvious she doesn't like me?}

Ayanokoji - And you actually made Tamaki search that dirty old pond with you. How astonishing. You do realize he's blue-blood and not a commoner, right? The only reason he's paying attention to you, is because he's trying to turn you into a gentlemen. Don't start thinking he cares about you because he's doting on you.

Haruhi - Now I understand. You're jealous of me.

• Ayanokoji kicks the table causing her and Haruhi to fall, and Haruhi is now on top of her*

Ayanokoji - AAAAHHHH!! No Haruhi! Leave me alone! Somebody help me! He just attacked me! Someone do something! Teach this commoner a lesson!

• The twins splash water on them*

Ayanokoji - Oh, why did you do that?

• Tamaki helps her up*

Ayanokoji - Do something, Tamaki. Haruhi just assaulted me.

Tamaki - I'm disappointed in you. You threw his bag in the pond, didn't you?

Ayanokoji - You don't know that. Do you have any proof that I did?

Tamaki - You know, you're a beautiful girl, but you aren't classy enough to be our guest dear. If there's one thing I know, Haruhi is not that kind of a man.

Ayanokoji - But..why Tamaki..*starts to cry* you idiot! *runs out for good*

Tamaki - Hmm..Now how am I going to punish you? Because it is your fault after all. Your quota is now one thousand!

Haruhi - Gh..One thousand...

Tamaki - *put hand out for Haruhi* Come on. I've high expectations for you, my little rookie. *wink*

Haruhi - Huh?

Kyoya - This is the only spare uniform we have. Sorry, but it's better than a wet one, right?

Haruhi - Thanks a lot you guys. I'm gonna go change.

Tamaki - Haruhi. *opens curtin* Here you go. I've brought you some towels. *sees Haruhi and realizes that he's a girl and closes the curtain*

Tamaki - Haruhi...

Haruhi - Yeah?

Tamaki - So..You're a girl?

Haruhi - Biologically speaking, yeah. *opens curtain and is wearing the girls school uniform* *blush*

Tamaki - AAAHHHAGAHAGAHAGAHAGAGH!!!!

Haruhi - Listen, Senpai. I don't really care if you guys recognize me as a boy or a girl. In my opinion it's more important for a person to be recognized for who they are, reather than what sex they are.

Kyoya - Well, isn't this an interesting development. (Knew it from the start)

Hikaru and Kaoru - Oh yeah. ( Found out along the way with Mori and Honey)

Haruhi - Uh..you know I have to say Senpai, I thought you were pretty cool earlier.

Tamaki - Uh..*face turns red*..................................

Kyoya - Now, I could be wrong but, I think we might be witnessing the beginnings of love here.

Haruhi - Being a host, and getting fussed over by a bunch of girls, might not be that bad.

Tamaki - GAH!

Haruhi - I wonder how I could pull it off. I've got it. I'll just start calling everyone dude and bro now. *giggle*