I pushed the movie into the DVD
player, I felt bad about not telling Blair. I should have told her before but
tonight I was going to tell her the truth.

My mum called form down stairs “Shay,
Blair’s here to watch the movie with you” Mum’s voice sounds tight.

“Okay send her up!” I call back,
even though Blair’s welcome at our house anytime. She’s been mad at me lately
because she knows I’m hiding a secret from her. She knows me better than anyone
and although I thought that she over reacted a little because it’s not
something to be mad about, she’s still my best friend and she deserves to know.

Blair walks up and stops in my
doorway, “I’m not going to watch a movie with you until you tell me what you’re
hiding.” She looks at me sympathetically, “I’m not mad at you, you can tell me
anything”

I sigh in relief, “It’s not that
bad really, I don’t know why you got mad” Blair walks into the room more, her
shoulders loosening.

“Just tell me already” She laughs
a little.

“I had sex” There’s no reaction
from her, she’s just calm.

“It was bound to happen sometime,
you’re sixteen.” I nod my head slowly. “My only question is, who with? You
don’t have a boyfriend you’re not telling me about do you?” She tries to make
it a joke but it stings.

“Ah no, you know that guy that I
was with a few years ago?” Blair sits on my bed with me,

“Yeah the one you were with every
night and swearing you were friends.” My lips twitch

“It was him...” She jumps up.

“I told you, you guys were going
to end up having sex at some point. Hasn’t he taken like four girls virginity,
not including you?” My shoulders slump at the memory of the happiest times of
my life.

“Can we not talk about Zac and
me? It’s not like he’s going to come back” My chest hurts. Blair sits down with
me again.

“I’ve heard that before...”she
bumps me on the shoulder, “What are we watching?”

“I don’t know, it’s a blank disc”
I press play and we laugh as American Pie Beta House comes on.

“Oooh the mystery ends up being
sexy!”

After the movie Blair goes to her
car and comes back with a bag full of her clothes for the night.

“Why would you have a bag of
stuff if you weren’t planning on staying?” She giggles, “That’s creepy” I say
in my funny voice so I exaggerate the ‘creepy.’

“I was never mad at you, I just
know how to get you to spill your guts” I nod my head slowly. Blair lies down
on my bed and starts watching my TV. I start to think about Zac.

Back when we were dating, which
ended when I was 15, we were on and off for four years before that happened and
he kept coming back. When I was 14 I made a promise to him that I would give
him my virginity, even if we would separate again. Well I kept my promise, but
does that mean he would come back again!?

I’m never going to be able to get
over him if he keeps coming back. I’m still not. I huff and Blair looks at me,
“What’re you thinking about?”

“Zac, stuff, how annoying he
is...” I drag off at the end of the sentence. She laughs and sits up so she can
listen more. “I promised I would give him my virginity two years ago and well,
I have.” I look at her pleadingly, “What if he comes back again?”

She holds my shoulders a way
someone encouraging would, “He may come back, and he may not. But you can get
through this” She lets go of my shoulders and I can’t help but laugh.

“It’s funny when you put on your
big voice” We settle down for the night and I have my usual nightmare, I wake
up once or twice in the night covered in sweat. Surprisingly Blair sleeps
through it, which I’ve become used to.