Once upon a time there was a wide girl called Hermione Granger. She was on the way to see her Friend Charlotte Rockatansky, when she decided to take a short cut through Spittleton Woods.

It wasn't long before Hermione got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she felt into her bag for her favourite toy, , but was nowhere to be found! Hermione began to panic. She felt sure she had packed . To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.

Unexpectedly, she saw a friendly rat dressed in a pink waistcoat disappearing into the trees.

"How odd!" thought Hermione.

For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed rat. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.

Eventually, Hermione reached a clearing. She found herself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from peas, a house made from crisps, a house made from humbugs and a house made from chips.

Hermione could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.

"Hello!" she called. "Is anybody there?"

Nobody replied.

Hermione looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.

A cackle broke through the air, giving Hermione a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was !

"!" shouted Hermione. She turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"

The witch just shrugged.

"Give back!" cried Hermione.

"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.

"At least let out of that cage!"

Before she could reply, three friendly rats rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Hermione recognised the one in the pink waistcoat that she'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.

"Hello Big Rat," said the witch.

"Good morning." The rat noticed . "Who is this?"

"That's ," explained the witch.

"Ooh! would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the rat.

The witch shook her head. " is staying with me."

"Um... Excuse me..." Hermione interrupted. " lives with me! And not in a cage!"

Big Rat ignored her. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.

The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."

Big Rat looked at the house made from chips and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from chips if I wanted to."

"That's nothing," said the next rat. "I could eat two houses."

"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have ."

Hermione watched, feeling very worried. She didn't want the witch to give to Big Rat. She didn't think would like living with a friendly rat, away from her house and all her other toys.

The other two rats watched while Big Rat put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Rat. "Just you watch!"

Big Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from crisps. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

Eventually, Big Rat started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of crisps, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.

"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Rat.

Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!

"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.

Big Rat never finished eating the front door made from crisps and remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Average Rat stepped up, and approached the house made from humbugs.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Rat. "Just you watch!"

Average Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from humbugs. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After a while, Average Rat started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...

   ...and greener.

A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.

"I'm not a bush, I'm a rat!" said Average Rat.

"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."

"No! Wait!" cried Average Rat, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the rat away under his arm.

Average Rat never finished eating the front door made from humbugs and remained trapped in the witch's cage.

Little Rat stepped up, and approached the house made from chips.

"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Rat. "Just you watch!"

Little Rat pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from chips. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.

   And more.

      And more.

After five or six platefuls, Little Rat started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.

He stopped eating chips for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.

But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Rat into the sky.

"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Rat. "I'm scared of heigh..."

Little Rat was never seen again.

Little Rat never finished eating the front door made from chips and remained trapped in the witch's cage.

"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep ."

"Not so fast," said Hermione. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from peas. And I haven't had a turn yet.

"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."

The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give her a chance. It's only fair."

"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the rats. She won't last long."

"I'll be right back," said Hermione.

"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? I thought you wanted back."

Hermione ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small camp fire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from peas and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.

Hermione sat down on a nearby log.

"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."

"I haven't finished," explained Hermione. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."

When Hermione's food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from peas. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.

Eventually, after several sittings, Hermione was down to the final piece of the door made from peas. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Hermione had eaten the entire front door of the house made from peas.

The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"

"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over or I will chop your broomstick in half."

The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.

Hermione hurried over and grabbed , checking that her favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, was unharmed.

Hermione thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Charlotte. It was starting to get dark.

When Hermione got to Charlotte's house, her Friend threw her arms around her.

"I was so worried!" cried Charlotte. "You are very late."

As Hermione described her day, she could tell that Charlotte didn't believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.

"What's that?" asked Charlotte.

Hermione unwrapped a doorknob made from crisps. "Pudding!" she said.

Charlotte almost fell off her chair.

The End