TW AND CW: death, depression

"And that's why puking strawberries is the secret to world domination- oh, hi Marlene," said Sirius, looking up from his intense conversation with James about strawberries. "How'd it go?"

"Good," I lied.

I knew Sirius could see through the lie very well, but he hid it.

"Cool," he said simply. "I'm kinda hungry. I'm gonna go grab something to eat. Marlene, you wanna get something too?" He looked at me pointedly.

"Yeah," I said with a nod. "All I had there was a tiny cup of tea."

We strode off the the kitchen, leaving James on the couch with a confused face.

"What really happened?" Sirius asked me as soon as we were in the kitchen.

"Nothing, really," I insisted.

"Marlene, I've known you for eight annoying years," he sighed. "I can tell when you're lying."

I groaned inwardly. "Fine. He didn't recognize me. And even if he did, he still couldn't say anything about it," I stormed.

Sirius didn't make a single motion. We stood in silence for twenty or so seconds.

Then he hugged me tightly. "I know you're the kind of person who doesn't talk about this stuff, but I'm here if you need to talk to someone. So is Lily, Remus, Alice, James, Peter, everyone."

I hugged him back, feeling a tear in the corner of my eye.

14-year old Marlene would kill me for being so emotional.

Sirius seemed to know what I was thinking. "You can go on up to the bedroom to think it out for a while. Let me know if you need anything."

I nodded gratefully. 

As I went up to the bedroom, I heard Sirius saying, "I love you."

"I love you too," I whispered back and I ran the rest of the staircase and flopped onto the duvet.

I fell asleep soon.

When I finally woke up, it was already dark outside and I could feel Sirius laying next to me in the bed.

"You're awake," he noted.

"I am."

A moment of silence. 

"I'm sorry for snapping at you downstairs," I said quietly, breaking the silence. "I know you were just trying to help and I was going nuts."

"Hey," he said quietly, rubbing my back gently. "It's ok. I know you feel a little overwhelmed. It's ok to let it all out. I wouldn't mind if you screamed right now. James would, though."

"Way to ruin the moment, Romeo," I scoffed. 

"He would, though!" retorted Sirius. "James would come storming up here in his Donald Duck pyjamas and scream at us like a goat."

"Goats don't scream," I noted. "Also, he wears Donald Duck pyjamas?"

"He also has a pair of Mickey Mouse ones," added Sirius. "And goats DO scream. I've met many screaming goats in my lifetime."

We looked at each other in silence.

Then we burst into silence but hysterical laughter.

The rest of the week wasn't as fun.

The next day, when they were having dinner, Fleamont starting being violently ill in the kitchen sink and Euphemia started feeling ill after everyone took Fleamont to St. Mungos.

It had been a week since they had fallen ill, and Sirius and I sat in our room, reading and doing some Order work.

James entered our room with a morose expression and a crumpled letter clutched in his fingers.

I stood up at the sight of his face. "No," I whispered. "No, no, no!"

James simply nodded.

Sirius shook his head. "Are the Healers absolutely positive about it? Like- there's nothing we can do?"

James shook his head. "No. I'm gonna go talk to Lily. See ya."

He walked out, looking emotionless.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" asked Sirius frantically to me.

I shook my head. "Not really. Remember when I lost my mum? You were the only one I hung out with for two whole months. Maybe James just needs some time like that with Lily to help calm him down."

Sirius nodded, still looking panicked. "Is there... anything we can do to make him happier?"

"I read this book once," I noted. "About the five stages of dealing with grief. First, denial. Second, anger. Third, bargaining. Fourth, depression. Fifth, acceptance."

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "I have a better definition for that."

"Oh, really?"

"Yup," said Sirius, trying to lighten the mood. "My motto is that everyone is born with a crap sandwich. Some people's are big, some are small. When you eat your way through the sandeich, you're dead."

I blinked. "That's an... interesting way of explaining it."

I sighed and laid back. "Why do the best people always get the biggest crap sandwiches?"

Sirius shrugged. "The universe is secretly plotting on how to kill us?"

"Maybe you, but not me," I said with a laugh.

Sirius looked mock offended. "How dare you-"

"Ah, shut up, Burp Master."

A/n: this was a painful chapter to write :/

Fleamont and Euphemia are the best- SIRIUSly. They're mega nice and funny.

anyways, thanks for all the reads and kindness :)

- Jui W.