TW AND CW: light to heavy swearing, mature jokes 

INSPIRED BY: TinaX2's Queen of Disaster on Wattpad (it's really good, I highly reccomend it)

Ana hated Valentine's Day.

Everyone made out in the corridors and she was sick of it.

Don't get me wrong- she loved the idea of being generous and kind to each other.

Just not being so close to one another.

So she bolted for the library.

"Hi An," said Remus, looking up.

"Hi Rem," said Ana, sitting down next to him. "I hate Valentine's Day. Everyone's supposed to be nice and generous and loving and be themselves. No one is. They're all making out. I saw Ivy having fun with a boy out on the benches and I swear I heard Sage moan in the bathroom stall. I wanna smack them all."

"Me too. They say, 'Remus, you'll get kisses and chocolate!' I don't want kisses! I only want chocolate!" Remus said annoyedly.

"Same."

Remus broke off a piece of his chocolate and handed it to Ana.

"Thanks," she said.

"I mean," Remus continued. "Have you seen the dates themselves? They make me gag! They hang up cherubs and pink hearts all over Madam Puddifoot's and the paper hearts fall into your tea, which is more annoying than you think.

Ana gasped. "Not the tea!"

"I know!"

They sat in silence for a while.

"I propose an idea," said Remus. "If you answer my Arithmancy worksheet properly in 30 seconds or less, you don't have to come with me for food poisoning at Madam Puddifoot's. If you fail, then you gotta come get your tea ruined."

Ana groaned. "Do I have to?"

"Chocolate?"

"Fine, I'll do it."

Now, don't get me wrong, Remus did like Ana.

But he would never try to manipulate her into going out with him like this.

He was doing this for fun, to tease her, because while she may have been his crush, she was also still his best friend.

Remus gave her his Arithmancy paper.

"3, 2, 1... go!" Remus counted off.

Ana turned to read her paper.

In a second of reading it, Ana realized something.

She didn't take Arithmancy.

Remus had tricked her.

"Remus, you little shit," grumbled Ana.

"What did I do?" asked Remus innocently.

"Nothing," Ana said mock sweetly and turned back to her paper, scribbling as much down she could in her last 5 seconds.

When I say scribble, I mean she actually scribbled on the paper.

"Time's up!" said Remus, checking her paper, and then grinned. "Well, it's happening. Annie Esmeralda Miracle, would you do me the displeasure of going out with me to Madam Puddifoot's, the most un-romantically involved place I've ever been?"

Ana gasped dramatically. "I'd never expect something so sweet like this, Remus! Thank you, of course I'll go!"

Remus applauded quietly, so as to not annoy Madam Pince.

"I still don't want to go," added Ana. "But I guess it'll be fine if you're there to spice things up, maybe."

Ana should have regretted saying that.

Let me tell you why.

~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~…~

Ana and Remus were striding through the snowy village of Hogsmeade when Remus dragged her to Madam Puddifoot's.

"I hate my life," Ana grumbled.

"Come on, An," said Remus with a grin. "You've already accepted your fate,  admit it."

"Unfortunately."

They stepped into the tea shop and Madam Puddifoot came over right away to take their order.

It was a disgustingly pink establishment, filled with flying hearts and cherubs and mini cupids throwing their arrows aimlessly into people's teacups.

Ana wrinkled her nose. She turned to Remus, as if to ask, 'You want tea or something else?'

Judging by the look on his face, he probably wanted tea.

"Er..." Ana said. "Two plain teas, please."

Madam Puddifoot looked confused. "What do you mean, dear?"

"Tea?" Ana said, blinking. "You know... tea?"

"We have chamomile, earl grey, lavender, and matcha," said Madam Puddifoot.

Ana turned to Remus in confusion. "Rem?"

"Two chamomile teas, please," said Remus with a smile.

"Coming right up, dear." Madam Puddifoot bustled away.

"What was that all about?" asked Ana, turning back in Remus' direction.

"They don't have the kind of tea you like here, An."

"It isn't even a kind of tea!" retorted Ana. "It's just tea! What's so confusing about that?"

"They drink coffee in the US," said Remus nonchalantly. "I can't imagine how annoyed you'd be when you found out there wasn't any tea at the nearest Starbucks."

A/n: As an indian-american, i'm torn between tea and coffee :/

Ana made a face. "I hate coffee."

"You hate a lot of things," noted Remus.

"Including you, right now," grumbled Ana quietly.

A dwarf wearing a white linen lined with pink hearts and draped over it's back came flying with it's weak wings to our table.

It cleared it's throat.

"To Miss Annie Miracle," stated the dwarf in a raspy voice.

'"Her personality is as shitty as a poop-brown toad

Her hair is as dark as McGonagall's blackboard

I wish she had tea

She'd be filled with glee

My An without an E.'"

Ana blinked.

The entire café was staring at them.

Even Madam Puddifoot was gaping.

"Happy Valentine's Day, An," said Remus, trying not to snicker. 

"Please murder me," groaned Ana. "That was a good poem, though."

"Thank you."

"But 'her personality is as shitty as a poop-brown toad'?" said Ana. "Most exquisite sentence I've ever heard."

As Remus and Ana kept chatting openly, the rest of the café were still a little slow to join in on the mood change.

As they left Hogsmeade, Remus said goodbye to Ana at her common room.

"See ya tomorrow for homework in the library," said Ana with a wide grin. 

"Bye, An," said Remus, waving.

Ana stood on her tip-toes and pecked Remus lightly on the cheek. "Bye!"

She tapped on the vinegar barrels and walked through.

Remus stood there for a second. Ana had already told him that this was something she did with Ivy, Sage, Lily, Marlene, Alice- all those guys. They were some of her closest friends. 

Ana had said that she only did it as a friendly gesture.

But suddenly...

Remus didn't want it to be much of a friendly gesture.

He had met wonderful girls before, but Ana was different.

Ana was...

Ana.

And he loved every bit of it.

AHHHHHHHHH hope you liked the chapter :)

Make sure to go check out TinaX2 on Wattpad because her stories are REALLY great- all of them!

Love y'all!

Bye :)