Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing.

Why am I even here? In Hogwarts, away from my friends, away from my original country. Why am I not in the school I've been waiting my whole life to go to? Ilvermorny. I wonder what house I would have been in. I wonder if Sasha and I would have been together.

I wonder if I will ever belong here. 

And then I see Nox and all insecurities fly out the window in the face of a stubborn, determined need to be better than him. When he attacks me with words and eyes, I grit my teeth and fight back with small movements and subtle sentences.

Because this is someone I can hate. An outlit to the anger I feel because I know I don't belong.

Nox and his friends give me glimpses of my secret insecurities. By defending myself from them, I feel safer. It's like I'm destroying my self hate.

I'm a terrible person, aren't I? 

//

"What are the four components of spellcasting?" My charms professor barely finishes his sentence before my hand is up and in the air, for the fourth time- and question- in a row. Nox, who's late, slides into a chair near the back. I smirk at him triumphantly, like I was the one who made him late. He pretends not to see me.

Professor Virneburg smiles at me, but it's almost robotic. "No one else?" She sighs. "Very well. Silver?"

I glance quickly at my notes before replying. "Incantation, movement, will, and... concentration."

Just then a voice rings out- a voice I know and hate. "You forgot pronounciation. That's part of the incantation component."

I just know he'll be smiling that smug grin of his, so I don't turn around. "But it's not a separate component, Aldain," I say coolly. I use his last name, because I prefer to forgo the familiarity of his first.

I can practically hear his shrug. "Still a component, Winter."

"It's Midwinter," I correct, my voice as cold and harsh as ice.

Professor Virneburg clears her throat. "Lets not talk across the room, Silver and Nox."

"Sorry, professor," Nox says.

"Sorry," I add. "It won't happen again-" and I mutter, as she turns away, "I most certainly don't enjoy talking to him."

Christina, the girl on the train, blinks at me, her owlish eyes like two saucers. I smile at her and give a little wave. 

I scribble down a quick note, the definition of willpower. Professor Virneburg speaks again, another question. She's a very good teacher, and the questions keep us engaged. I'm not usually the only one raising my hand, but today the class seems more tired than usual. Maybe they're not used to the homework.

"Can anyone name a wizard who didn't need to use want movements?" My professor asks.

My hand comes up, almost lazily.

"Yes?"

"Albus Dumblebore," a voice answers.

A voice answers and it's not mine.

Nox. Who else?

"Another example," I say before the teacher moves on, "Would be Grindelwald."

"Or Merlin," Nox drawls.

"Or Morgan Le Fay," I hiss.

"Or Nicolas Flamel," he says, and it sounds like he's trying not to laugh.

Finally I snap, "Or Voldemort."

There's a pause in the room, a lull in little side conversations, and all eyes turn to me. I refuse to blush. I refuse to blush. I chant those words in my mind, but my cheeks fill with color anyway.

"Miss Midwinter and Mr Aldain. What did I say about speaking across the room?" Her voice is cold, her face just a little pale.

Christina looks a little sick. I don't even want to look at Nox. This was not worth the satisfaction of having the last word. It's like screaming hitler in a non-maj school cafeteria in Jerusalem. You just don't do it. You don't.

I sink a little deeper in my seat and don't raise my hand again.

//

The cafeteria is filled with the squabbling of owls, who screech and swoop. A feather falls down, drifting onto my food.

I frown, but Julia snatched the feather off of my plate and studies it. "Can I have this?" She asks, hood threaded throughout her voice.

I turn my head to the side ever so slightly. "Sure, but why?"

"I just started diviniation, so I've been reading a little about omens and all... this feather, see how it's sort of blue?"

I nod, curious.

"Well, a darker blueish black is sort of sectioned throughout the lighter blueish color, which means change. Blue signifies developing abilities- usually physic. It could also mean a spirit needs you, or... oh, and there's a thin strip of purple."

I raise my eyebrows, but she doesn't elaborate.

Julia continues, almost nervously, "Since I've just started divination, I was hoping..."

I wave a hand. "Why would I want it? Keep it."

Karla sits down, her eyes clouded and dreamy. "Hey guys," she mumbles.

"Why are you late?" I ask her.

She blinks, the fog in her eyes clearing up. "Oh... library."

I follow her gaze to the Gryffindor table. "Is that Alex?"

Karla's cheeks redden slightly. "I don't know what you mean."

"I thought he was a good person," I complain, "but then I realized he was friends with Nox."

Karla's face falls. 

"I know! I hate Nox."

Julia looks incredibly uncomfortable, and she fingers her feather anxiously. Karla just looks away. She looks almost... resigned. She stands up. 

"I'm not that hungry. I think I'll go to the dorm early. Is that ok?"

I shrug. "Sure." My gaze drifts back to Alex. He turns around, and his eyes peirce me for a moment before watching Karla leave.

Julia sighs and shakes her head. I narrow my eyes. "What?"

"Nothing. Nothing..."

//

When I get back to the dorm, Karla's already there, scribbling on our potions essay.

"Potions is definitely my least favorite class," I groan. Her eyebrows draw together, and she dips her quill in ink. 

"Well," she says, and it's almost cold, "It's my favorite."

Eli, who's reading a book on her bed, places a cat bookmark between the pages and looks up. "Hi, Silver."

"Hi, Eli," I say. Eli pushes some of her pale blonde hair behind her ear, and I notice, again, that fading purple streak. She pushes her glasses up her nose.

Diya, our other roommate, has a levitating mirror in front of her face. She delicately peels off a sticker. When she sees me watching, she explains, "My friend gave it to me." I nod and look back to Karla as Diya takes out some face wash and makeup remover thing.

"Um," I say, "how were your classes?"

We all attempt to make conversation, and while there are some awkward lulls, the ice breaks a little bit more. Karla watches me, her blank expression slowly softening until she's not snapping at me anymore. I'm guessing she had a stressful day, so I don't push it.

Eventually I lie down and close my eyes, drawing the blue curtain around my bed shut. "Goodnight, guys," I murmur.

Still, it's a while before I fall asleep. When I do, all I see are words, floating in front of my face. When I try to read them, though, they're too fuzzy. Eventually I grab my glasses and slide them on. I can make out the words- A growing dar-

My glasses shatter in my face, blinding me. Still, just before my vision goes completely dark, I see millions of blue feathers floating from the sky. Julia's voice echoes dully.

It could also mean a spirit needs you, or...

A spirit needs you, or..

A spirit needs you..

A spirit needs you..

A spirit...

Or..

A/N Ok! So we're slowly getting there... the plot is starting! I repeat, the plot is starting! I hope all those filler chapters weren't too boring! It's going to get more exciting soon. I really am going to try and have time for writing, but again, it's going to be inconsistent for a while because of personal issues.