So, I...had a bit of a distraction this summer. But now, I have a ton to update yall on. So buckle your seatbelts idiots, cause this is a LOT.

I'm in a new school now. And cause I haven't updated in so long, Highschool Swim season is almost over!!!!! It's kind of...sad. I don't know what I'm going to do without my team. My schedual is all messed up cause I go to school early, spend MY ENTIRE DAY THERE CAUSE SCHOOL, I then have a 2+ HOURS FOR PRACTICE, and only then do I get to go home. BUT THEN, I have HOMEWORK, I have to shower cause chlorine, and EAT. Cause apperently humans have to do that to live. I CAN't gEt a brEAK. Help pls.

I also am just REALLY tired. ALL of the time I am just sore. I have found that music is my therapy. I also need a depressing playlist (why I dont have one yet idk). I just...I'm tired. Usually of younger people. They make me want to smack people. I can't with kids anymore.

Testing is killing me. I will hate midterms this year. I hate some of my classes with a burnin passion. Really it's just one class, but y'know, people. I rarely get peace and quiet these days. It took me a while to calm down and get used to this place.

I can't get over how fast time is passing. When I think about it too much I get depressed. I'm not ready to be older. I just want to relax and chill, but nothing waits for no one.

I...I just need a legit break. A day off. A day where I'm not expected to do anything. I need a break. A self care day. I need a day for my mind. My poor head is spinning.

Does anyone else...ever feel like this???

Am I the only person who deperatly craves a break from the chaos of life??????

But also like I have to struggle through cause I have people to spite and prove wrong so :/

And yeah life ******* sucks, but honestly I can't think of a worse way to spend the rest of highschool than to slowly die inside :)

But yeah I'm 97% sure this isn't healthy....but..I kinda just don't want to deal with it if it is a problem. Instead I'm just kinda sad a lot and tired even more. Which probably doesn't sound the best, but it means one I DO get a break, it will feel AMAZING.

I will never get a break.

I need people to keep me mentally stable :)

BUT, I have other people just like me, and food to keep me sane.