AUTHOR’S NOTE: All credits go to J.K. Rowling except for my OC’s.

A Marauders Era Social Media Story

arya jha was added to ‘Hogwarts Idiots’ group chat

zhara patil was added to ‘Hogwarts Idiots’ group chat

arya: Why am I here

zhara: I dunno

Lily: you’re in a group chat kids

zhara: who’s lily

arya: this is why you’re not a ravenclaw

James: who’re these people lils

zhara: ohhhhh wait...

James: wait for what

Lily: the girl is sirius’ daughter james

James: and the other one who’s she

Lily: McGonagall’s daughter 

James: you’re not here to take points from us or something right?

zhara: no our purpose is to kill your son :)

James: OMG DIE ALREADY

Lily: you gotta learn how to take a joke you idiot

James: wait what

Doggo is online

Doggo: hey zhara

zhara: hey dad

Mar-Mar: one second sirius is burning the pancakes again

Doggo: od nyauibyuasibo Syy8;&78;;7/6&8

Doggo has been deleted

arya: oof harsh

James: i’ll get him 

James is offline

zhara: wait where’s remmy

Mar-Mar: who’s remmy

Lily: ReMuS you dolts

Mar-Mar: ZHARA WHAT IS THIS I JUST GOT YOUR REPORT CARD 

zhara: ...

arya: ...

Lily: i can go dig up a pit for your body zhara don’t worry

zhara: they said it wouldn’t be emailed till july

Mar-Mar: im so proud of you zhara

zhara: wth

arya: you sure you got the right report card

Remmy is online

Remmy: ?

arya: hi remus

Remmy: hi arya

Remmy: what are we doing

Mar-Mar: im congratulating zhara for her report card scores

zhara: lily im not sure what’s going on but you can keep digging that pit 🫠

Lily: yup

James is online

James: wassup

Mar-Mar: im being proud of zhara 🥹

James: that’s not normal

James: zhara is nothing to be proud of

zhara: wow

zhara: thanks 😐

arya: bye zhara im pretty sure death isn’t too bad

zhara: bye ari juice ily

arya: ily too 🥰

Mar-Mar: im so proud of you being as stupid as your father

Mar-Mar: see me in the kitchen

zhara: oki

zhara has been deleted

Doggo: one sec ima go stop my wife from killing our daughter

Doggo: i-nl huUid hiawl huid hui auioiale834734sx98293k@92839 he#sn&

Doggo has been deleted

James: family problems

Lily: glad at least arya shall live a decent life

Minnie joined ‘Hogwarts Idiots’

Minnie: arya JHA I JUST GOT YOUR N.E.W.T. RESULTS FROM THE EXAMINER

Lily: uh nvm

arya: mom i can explain

Minnie: all O’s and one exceeds expectations you wonderful child!

arya: ...

Minnie: what do you wanna explain arya

arya: uh nothing mom

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

DRARRY

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

James: wait why are we here again

arya: we’re rating ships 

zhara: im back 

Lily: i thought marlene killed you

zhara: no she was happy that im like my father

zhara: btw dad she thinks you’re super stupid

Doggo: ikr im so dumb 🤪

Remmy: that emoji’s staring into my soul 

arya: ikr

Mar-Mar: we’re talking about drarry right?

zhara: yee

James: ok my opinion

James: ...

James: cover your ears y’all

James: DOUSE MY EYES WITH BLEACH ZHARA

zhara: oki

zhara: grabs bottle of clorox

James: NO NO GOD NO I REGRET THIS THIS IS GONNA BE LIKE THE TIME I SWALLOWED A TIDE POD

arya: tide pods are toxic you dolt

Lily: he can’t even make up a stupid lie

James: it’s not a li-

zhara: pours bleach into james’ eyes

James: uh

zhara: uh

arya: what

James: she doused me with water

Lily: good you haven’t taken a bath in a week

James: it’s called saving water

zhara: thought this was bleach

zhara: oh wait

zhara: 

arya: reason #62442 why you are not in ravenclaw

Dobby has joined

Dobby: burp

Dobby has left

zhara: ...

arya: ...

Lily: ...

James: ...

Remmy: ...

Mar-Mar: ...

Doggo: ...

zhara: awkward

arya: got that right

zhara: about drarry...

Doggo: oh right

Doggo: I WANNA SINK THAT SHIP

James: DIE SHIP

James: DIE

zhara: ok why y’all so unenthusiastic 

James: what we’re plenty enthusiastic 

zhara: no no you need more gusto ari show them

arya: ...

arya: DIE FREAKING DIE DRARRY IS THE WORST THEY’RE ENEMIES KILL IT KILL IT NOW THIS IS AS BAD AS DRAPPLE

arya: ahem

Lily: i dunno they could be cute ig

Remmy: lils you’re great and all but i really wanna kill you for the drarry comment

Mar-Mar: die bestie :D

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

DRAMIONE

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

arya: uh we got kinda violent on the last one eh?

zhara: mmhm

James: marlene i thought you were better than this

Mar-Mar: im really not

Doggo: also i ship it

zhara: DAD ILY AND ALL BUT NO

zhara: JUST NO

Doggo: what’s wrong 

arya: well

arya: he called her slurs and was mean to her and her friends... next people ship them

arya: that’s what’s wrong 

zhara: YOU

Lily: ARE

Mar-Mar: A

Remmy: QUEEN

Mar-Mar: i got the shortest line it’s a single letter at least gimme two letters people

zhara: you won’t believe how long it took to organize that

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

WOLFSTAR

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Remmy: wait what

Doggo: wait remus this is a ship between

zhara: oh no mom’s gonna murder the majority of the harry potter fans

Doggo: remus and

arya: uh oh

Remmy: remus and... who?

Doggo: uh... me

zhara: YES PRIDE 🏳️‍🌈

arya: im all for pride but i personally hate this ship... bcuz if i say otherwise marlene’s gonna murder me

Remmy: uh guys marlene’s at the door

zhara: QUICK PRETEND YOU’RE NOT THERE

Remmy: she blasted my door should i be worried

Doggo: marlene no

Mar-Mar: GUYS REMMY’S DYING I DUNNO WHAT HAPPENED

James: ...

Lily: mar i knew you were... aggressive... but i didn’t know that you murdered people

Mar-Mar: GUYS HE’S ON THE VERGE OF DEATH 

Mar-Mar: IMA GO ASK GOOGLE WHAT TO DO

1 hour later...

Mar-Mar: omg guys he’s dead

arya: ...

zhara: what a pleasant surprise 

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

JILY

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

James: yes i love lily you love me too right?

Lily: eh

James: ...

James: you said you loved me

Lily: tbh kinda just did it to get you off my back

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

BLACKINNON

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Mar-Mar: yes

Doggo: yaass

zhara: uh well seeing as you’re married yee

arya: i dunno i prefer dorlene

zhara: prepare to die

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

DORLENE

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

zhara: arya do you like fanta or sprite

arya: fanta

zhara: puts dying potion in fanta

zhara: would you like a drink as congratulations for shipping dorlene

arya: im not stupid

arya: clearly you’re trying to be nice

arya: why is everyone messaging me to not drink it

zhara: you really should listen to me

arya: shrugs and drinks fanta

arya is deleted

Remmy: ...

Remmy: 2/10 im a blackinnon person

Remmy: also I don’t wanna be blasted by zhara

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

SNAMIONE

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

James: GEEZ

Doggo: SNIVELLY AND SMARTY GIRL

Mar-Mar: NAH BRUH

zhara: he’s like a hundred mione’s a teen

arya: ikr and im a romione girl

zhara: btw guys we have a guest star

Lily: ooh who

zhara: promise me you won’t freak out

James: ?

Peter Pettigrew has joined

James: DIE DIE DIE KILL HIM NOW 

Doggo: BETRAYER

Remmy: YOU LITTLE-

Lily: language remmy

Remmy: shrugs

Lily: but anyways YOU DESERVE TO DIE IM GLAD YOUR OWN HAND STRANGLED YOU

arya: seriously zhara

arya: you still on board with this

zhara: yee

Peter: h-

Lily: DIE

James: YOU LITTLE RAT 

Mar-Mar: you are the reason that harry lived a bad life 

Mar-Mar: smiles sweetly and kills the rat

Peter Pettigrew has been deleted

zhara: ily mom

Mar-Mar: ik ik

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

REMADORA

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Remmy: WHAT

Remmy: nononononono

arya: ooohhhhh

zhara: someone’s in lurve

James: ooh remmy guess what 

Remmy: what

James: i just got tonks’ number

Remmy: uh oh

Tonky was added

Tonky: omg hi guys

Tonky: hi remmy 🥰

Remmy: hi dora 🥰

Doggo: aw cute :)

zhara: OMG HI TONKS YOU’RE MY IDOL

arya: SIGN MY HARRY POTTER BOOK PLS

Lily: you dolts woke me up

Mar-Mar: were you sleeping

Lily: yee

arya: y’all are turning into zhara

arya: this isn’t good

Doggo: ofc not

zhara: btw i ship remadora

zhara: BIG TIME

zhara: YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE TOGETHERRRRRRR

zhara: but still not as good as wolfst-

Mar-Mar has removed zhara from ‘Hogwarts Idiots’

arya: thank you you have blessed us all

Mar-Mar: np

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

SNILY

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

James: snape deserves to die :)

Lily: james don’t be mean

zhara: nah lils he’s got a point

arya: he called you a you-know-what

Lily: wdym

zhara: we mean he called you a m-

Lily: he called me a... moon?

Remmy: wth

Mar-Mar: what’s going on

Doggo: im bored and hungry 

arya: we all are sirius

zhara: lily’s just in denial

zhara: lils he called you a mudb... 

zhara: ...

zhara: you do know what i mean right?

Lily: a mudbath

zhara: i give up zhara out

zhara has left

arya: i hate this ship

Remmy: yee wanna go bomb the ship

arya: yes pls

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Demumbridge

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

arya: YES

zhara: can’t wait for their first kiss

Remmy: i thought she was already a dementor tho

Doggo: sassy remmy

Mar-Mar: mmhm

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

FREMIONE

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

zhara: NUP AIN’T HAVING IT

arya: i told you sirius

arya: i told you she would be like this

Doggo: eh worth a try

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

RUNA

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

arya: ?

arya: what ship is this

zhara: uh...

Doggo: uh...

Mar-Mar: uh...

Remmy: uh...

James: uh...

Lily: im out

Lily has left

zhara: ari that’s a ship between

arya: who?

zhara: luna

arya: and?

James: im with lily bye

James has left

Doggo has left

Mar-Mar has left

zhara: remus what bout you aren’t you leaving too

Remmy: i like drama

Remmy: why do you think i watch downton abbey

zhara: shrugs good point

arya: zhara tell me now

zhara: luna and... rolf

Universe has been deleted

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

PAVENDER

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

zhara: OMG YES

zhara: PAVENDER FOREVER

arya: No…just no

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

HINNY

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

James: decent

Doggo: james don’t you get it

Lily: get what

zhara: lils you’re so oblivious rn

Remmy: geez lily

Mar-Mar: harry and ginny are like a mini you and james tbh

arya: ikr

arya: but james is really just an arrogant toe-rag in my opinion 

James: wow thanks 

arya: you’re welcome ;)

zhara: ginny’s such a queen

zhara: ima ask ginny to come here

arya: no-

GiNeVrA has been added to ‘Hogwarts Idiots’

GiNeVrA: omg hi you guyssssss

zhara: hi gin

arya: hi ginnyyyyyy

GiNeVrA: why am i here

arya: we asked the same question

zhara: what do you think of hinny

GiNeVrA: YES PLS

zhara: oof

GiNeVrA: what’s wrong

zhara: i was just wondering why he hasn’t popped the question yet tho

GiNeVrA: he’s uh... socially awkward

arya: ooh ima tell him that

Harold has been added to 'Hogwarts Idiots’

Harold: uh hi?

Lily: HARRY

James: MY BOY

Doggo: hey kid

Mar-Mar: heard a lot bout you

zhara: why did no one give us an entrance like this

Harold: omg hi guys

Harold: hi gin

GiNeVrA: hi barry

arya: ?

arya: who’s barry

GiNeVrA: barry b benson duh

zhara: gin ily you’re prolly the only person i’ve met who watched barry 

GiNeVrA: ily too

GiNeVrA: barry’s the best

Harold: ikr

Harold: uh gin 

GiNeVrA: wot

Harold: meet me at the three broomsticks 

GiNeVrA: sure

GiNeVrA has left

Harold has left

arya: he’s def gonna pop the question 

zhara: mmhm

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

DRUNA

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

zhara: what no

zhara: luna’s mine

arya: NO MALFOY IS A LITTLE EVIL COCKROACH 

zhara: you call rolf stuff like that too

zhara: just saying

arya: DIE

arya: im coming over to your house

zhara: uh oh

Remmy: best get this out before zhara dies

Remmy: 0.01/10

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

JEGULUS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

James: what’s this ship

zhara: ...

arya: ...

Doggo: basically a ship between regulus and

Lily: uh oh

Mar-Mar: uh

Doggo: regulus and james

James: ...

James: kill me now

arya: knew he would be like this

arya: zhara remind me why this ship even exists

zhara: i dunno i found it on the internet

zhara: twitter knows all

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

CHARRY

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

arya: nope

zhara: GUESS WOT

Doggo: WOT

zhara: IMA ADD GIN TO THIS CHAT RN

Lily: no-

GiNeVrA was added to 'Hogwarts Idiots’

GiNeVrA: hiiiiiiiii

GiNeVrA: wassup

Mar-Mar: ...

Remmy: uh

Remmy: want some chocolate

James: what kind

Remmy: wizarding kitkat

James: what flavor

Remmy: ...

Lily: pretty sure kit kats only come in one flavor jamie

James: not wizarding kit kats

zhara: ahem

James: shut up i want chocolate

Remmy: hands over nonexistent chocolate

James: eats nonexistent chocolate like an idiot

GiNeVrA: WASSUP

arya: …

GiNeVrA: ?

GiNeVrA: wait a second

GiNeVrA: we’re rating ships, right?

zhara: about that

GiNeVrA: smiles sweetly

arya: uh oh

GiNeVrA: you just had to choose this one didn’t you

Doggo: ig

GiNeVrA: tho you gotta admit cho is pretty

zhara: im terrified 

zhara: ginevra is a very umbridge like person when it comes to haree

GiNeVrA: im nothing like umbridgeeeeee

GiNeVrA: but i am ready to destroy cho’s face

arya: Run.