What are you doing?

You're in my head, figure it out.

I climbed out of bed, pulling on my bathrobe and slippers.

This is irrational!

I
ran from my dorm and from the Gryffindor Commen Room. I raced down the
corridors, angry tears slipping from my eyes. I past the Slytherin
House, pausing for a second. Was I doing something irrational? I did
still have people who loved me. No, it isn't irrational. It's what Lily
wanted. It's what she'll get. It's what she'll live with the rest of her
life. I let a growl escape my lips.

I continued on my trek to
the Astronomy Tower. I climbed the stairs slowly. I reached the top and
looked up at the sky. Such a beautiful place. I wondered, if I did what I
planned on doing, would I end up there? Would I be one of them? I
walked closer to the edge. I watched my feet carefully. One foot in
front of the other, slowly, carefully. My hands wrapped around the
railing. I took another, bigger step closer. Tears fell from my eyes.

This is what they wanted. They would be happier, if I did this.

I leaned over the railing, ever so slightly. I was afraid, yes, but I was angry as well.

"At least she didn't keep secrets from her friends."

"Avada Kedavra!"

"I wish you had died inside that house!"

"Don't call me Lils, that's what friends call each other."

​"You don't trust us?"

So
many memories spread through my brain, it hurt. I squeezed my eyes shut
and shook my head. I leaned over a bit more. Tears endlessly poured
from my eyes.

"You wanted this Lily. This will be on you," I said
that, speaking my thoughts out loud. Too many emotions filled me up. I
was angry , I was sad, I was depressed, I was furious, confused, hurt,
and alone.

I was angry at myself for not coming up with another
solution. I was sad that my life came to an end this way. I was
depressed for…obvious reasons. I was confused on what I did to make Lily
want me dead so badly. I was hurt that my best friends gave up on me.
And I was alone. Completely and utterly alone. No one knew I was Up
there, nobody knew of my thoughts, no one was there to save me.

I jumped over the railing and landed on the little space there was after it. I grabbed hold of the cold metal bar behind me.

I
wondered if there was some sort of force field that would stop me from
falling. I wondered if I'd fall head first, or if it were better to fall
feet first. I wondered how much it would hurt. I wondered how long it
would take for me to die. How long would it take for the others to find
me? Would anybody actually care, if they found my mingled body at the
bottom of the Astronomy Tower? How many people would miss me? Would
anybody cry for me? Would I have a funeral? Would I buried next to
Tonks? Or my grandparents? I had so many questions roaming through my
head.

"I'll I've gotta do is jump," I whispered.

"Rani? What are you doing?" A voice asked, shaking slightly. It startled me, but I kept my grip on the railing.

"Leave, Antonin," I growled. At least, I tried to, but I'm not sure if it worked.

"Rani, step away from the edge, please. You're scaring me," he said. I heard him walk closer.

"Go away, Antonin," I snapped.

"Please,
come back over the rail. I help you with whatever you need, just, don't
jump," He pleaded. I turned to reply with a snarky comment of some
sort, but I slipped instead. I started to fall. I didn't even scream.
Salty tears ran down my face. Before I got very far, a hand grabbed my
wrist. I looked up.

Tony's face was strained from concentration. I gave him a small smile, as if to say 'Good-bye.'

"Don't
you let go," he said. I looked down. At the bottom of the tower was a
flat grass, only a short distance from the Black Lake. I slipped my hand
from his grip, but he regrabbed my wrist with both his hands, instead
of one.

"Let me go, Antonin. Please, let me fall," I begged,
tears streaming down my face. If you looked hard enough, you could see
Antonin crying as well. He shook his head. He started to pull me up.

"Let me go, Antonin. Let me fall," I pleaded.

"No!" He shouted. There was strain in his voice.

"You will fall as well if you don't," I whispered.

"And
I will lose you if I do," he retorted. I fell silent, but tears
streamed from my eyes. I slipped for a second from his grip, hitting my
head on the side of the wall.

Something inside me snapped. I
noticed I was hanging off of a tall tower and that I would die if I
fell. I grabbed hold of the only thing I could. Tony's hand.

"Save
me," I whispered, my voice cracking. He pulled harder, and soon, we
were collapsed on the ground, both in tears. He was holding me as I
sobbed endlessly.

"I can't believe I…I could have died…you saved me…I wasn't thinking correctly," I said as salty water poured from my eyes.

"It's
OK, Rani. I've got you. I've got you. You're safe, now. Don't worry,"
Tony cooed. The funny thing is, I actually did feel safe.