With tears in my eyes, I hustled down to a tree near the Whomping Willow. It's one of the few quiet places I could go.
Why
didn't Lily understand? Why didn't she understand I can't go through
with this Me and Sirius thing? Shouldn't she be on my side? Shouldn't
she be supporting my decisions and trying inwardly to change them? Of
course not. That's only in the books. I'd realized that books are just
better than reality.
On the way down to the tree, I had grabbed my
bag full of books. I neared the tree when I saw a familiar face. I
gasped and tried to sneak away.
"Serana?" Reg's voice questioned, looking up from his book. I let out a sigh and sat down next to him.
"Still can't tell me from my brother, eh?" He nudged my shoulder slightly. I smiled falsely.
"Hey, you ok? Are you crying?" His voice turned concerned in two seconds flat. I shook my head.
"It's
nothing. Just-" I stopped myself from saying anything further, knowing I
would burst into tears. Those dang emotions were killing me!
"What's wrong Serana?" He placed his hand on my face a wiped away a single tear I shed.
"Sirius," I whispered.
"What did my brother do to you?" He growled.
"Nothing
Reg. I'm just...it's just..." I ended up explaining everything to him.
From beginning to end. He didn't interrupt once, just listened.
"Wow," was all he said.
"I've realized that boys in books are just better," I scowled slightly at my bag.
"You do realize I am a boy, right?" Reg snorted.
"Of
course I know that, but I don't want to tell anyone else. I need to
tell you. See," I pulled out Fellowship Of The Ring "Say I had a crush
on Legolas. I can place myself in this book, dream about it, write it
down. I'd be completely in control of what he did, of what I did, of
what anyone did. I could have him love me to the point of death, I could
have him pretend to love me to spare my feelings, I could have him not
love me at all. It's all the same, because I know how he's feeling. But
in real life, this dang reality, I have no freaking clue what you boys
are thinking! You, right now, could be thinking about some other girl
you snogged and not really listening at all. Or you could be thinking
about that test in charms that you need to study for. But I don't know!
But with Sirius, it's the hardest. It's harder because I love him. I
could pretend that he loves me, but it's just a figment of my
imagination. Or he really could love me, but I don't think he does. Or
maybe he just wants to be my friend. Or maybe...there's just endless
possibilities to what he's thinking, and I won't have one clue to what
it is. I wish I could just..." I pulled out another vile I kept in my
pocket at all times. It's sloppy, lumpy, and green.
"What's that, Serana?" Reg asked. I stared at it.
"Once,
in Potions, we were making something. I purposefully made it wrong. I
don't know what it'll do to me," I tilted my head to the side, staring
at the Potion.
"Serana, tell me you won't drink it. Tell me that. Promise me that," Reg grabbed my shoulders, making me drop the vile.
"I promised myself I'd only take it if completely necessary. Who knows, maybe it'll make me eternally happy," I shrugged.
Reg sighed. He hugged me.
"By the way, your speech was beautiful," he smiled. I smiled too.
"So, you can't stand me, but you can get all cosy with my brother? And I'm The player?" Someone snapped. I looked.
"Sirius. Please, let me explain. I need to tell you-"
"No!
I don't want you to explain!" He yelled and pulled out his wand. He
spoke some spell I didn't understand. But I flew up in the air, as if I
was being held up by one ankle. I screamed.
"Sirius! Let her down!
She's afraid!" Reg shouted. Sirius didn't respond. Not only was I afraid
of falling figuratively, but literally as well.
"Sirius! Please.
I'm...I'm afraid of falling," I whimpered fear seeping through me.
Sirius looked like he was on the verge of tears.
"You wanted me to
love you, didn't you! You knew I was Razzy, so you told me. You did this
on purpose! Why? So I knew how all the girls in the school feel? Well, I
know now! You can stop pretending you love me!" Sirius roared.
"Let her down Sirius!" Reg yelled. Sirius started walking forward, me floating in front of him. I started to cry.
"Your tears won't help you now. You can stop pretending to be the shy, innocent one," Sirius hissed. His words hurt.
"Sirius, listen to me. I do love you-" I started, but he interrupted me.
"No! I heard you a Evans talking! I'm arrogant, self-centered, and mean!" He screamed.
"That wasn't what I was talking about! I was trying to tell her-"
"Just
shut up. I don't want to hear it," he growled. Be rose me higher, then
dropped me. I screamed the whole way down. I landed on my ankle with an
unsatisfactory crunch. I cried out.
"Serana move!" Reg shouted.
Shakily, I turned. I was right under the Whomping Willow. I screamed as
one of the branches swooped down and crashed into me, sending me flying.
I hit another branch.
"Serana!" Reg's voice was faint through the sound of my wailing and the buzzing blocking my ears.
"Help!" I screeched.
"I'll
be right back, Serana!" I think Reg said. I was continuously bat
between two large branches, my eyes shut tight. There was crunch after
crunch, I knew it as my bones. I saw my chance to grab another thinner
branch, so I did. I grabbed it and clung to it for dear life. My face,
hands, and knees were bleeding. A multitude of bones were broken. An
endless river of tears flowed from my eyes. Fear and pain coursed
through my body. No hope. No hope was left for my broken body. It took
all of my strength to hold onto that branch. The branch swayed and
swerved and swooped, trying to throw me off it, but I wouldn't let go. I
wasn't going to fall. I wasn't afraid of heights, I was afraid of
falling.
A voice from below said something. Everything stopped
moving. I didn't open my eyes. The branch slowly moved downwards until I
felt something solid. My feet touched the ground, and I immediately
fell over from dizziness, pain, sorrow, loss, sadness, and fear.
I didn't talk when I woke up. I had a few cards and a few candies, but I didn't talk.
Madam
Pomfrey asked what happened, but I didn't respond. Lils, Jinxy, Sev,
Frank, and Reg came in every no and again to talk to me. I did listen,
but I didn't say anything back. At one point, Reg brought in my book bag
and wand. I nodded at him as if to say 'Thanks'. I read the rest of my
time in the Hospital Wing.
I soon returned to the daily routine, but I
still no longer spoke. I spoke none to Lils, Jinxy, Alice, Molly,
Remus, Frank, Reg, or anyone else for that matter. Sometimes I had
silent conversations with Pluto, but he couldn't really talk anyway. I
didn't raise my hand during class, I just wrote what was needed to be
written and did whatever else needed to be done. The Professors didn't
question me, for Dumbledore told them of my event. He happened to be the
one who saved my life from the Whomping Willow, so I fully trusted him.
I only smiled when, reading, writing, dreaming, or when Professor
Dumbledore passed by.
My friends finally realized I wasn't going to
talk, so they went their separate ways. Jinxy went on her date with
Remus, Alice went with Frank, Sirius windy with James, and I went with
Lily. Everyone was happily, for then at least. Lily and I spent most of
our time buying books from the bookstore. I'd admit, it was fun. I
didn't attend any Slug Club events, and Professor Slughorn didn't hold
it against me. Halloween came, I didn't go. Instead, I read 'Hallowe'en
Party," by Agatha Christie. I did all my Quidditch games, not speaking a
single word. I didn't need to. Keeper doesn't need to speak.
I went
through the November transformation without Remus, though I still kept
up my diary. Jinxy came to my aid, but even the werewolf me was sad, so I
did nothing but lie there all night. I was pretty happy about that.
Thanksgiving
came and went, I still wasn't talking. Nobody even tried to talk to me
by then. My regular routine was, get up, eat, go to classes, eat, go to
classes, eat, go into bed and read/write until nighttime, repeat.
Somedays, I had a break, so I'd go into my dorm and have silent
conversations with Pluto, or I'd just lie there and stare off into
nothingness.
Soon, it was Christmas. Everyone left to go home, except
Sev and a few other people. Sev tried to talk to me once or twice the
break, because he though, now that Sirius was gone, I'd talk, but nope. I
continued to stay silent. I didn't go home, because I slept in,
purposefully. I wanted to 'miss the train'. I wanted to be alone.
I
awoke Christmas morning. I sat up. To my surprise and horror, about a
gazillion owls Sat in my bedroom. I squealed. Pluto woke too and hissed
at all the owls. When the realized I was awake, they all dropped one or
two things and flew away. I collected everything and plopped them on my
bed. I sorted through it all. Somethings were presents, some were
letter.
They were from Lils, Jinxy, mum, Frank, everybody. Even Reg. I
wasn't going to open any of them, not just yet. I noticed, just then, a
small black box with gold and red ribbon on it. I layed back down, and
twirled the box in my hands. Pluto Sat on my chest. For some reason, I
brought the box up to my nose.
"Lemons," I whispered. I stared at the
box. I was decided wether to open it or not. My curiosity overcame me. I
pulled off the ribbon (Pluto meowed at me). I layed it to the side.
Ever so carefully, I opened the box, worried it was jinxed or something.
I gasped in shock of the wonder it held. I came close to tears. It was a
letter. A letter folded a million times to fit in the box. On the front
of the letter, in bid letters, was SIRIUS I folded it. Something fell
out, but I didn't care right then.
Dear River, I hope you still like
my nickname for you. I wanted to say sorry for doing that to you. I
didn't mean to hurt you. Regulus told me what happened. Well, he
actually screamed it at me. I was just so confused and mad that I
couldn't contain myself. I didn't mean anything that I said to you right
then. You are innocent and shy. I love that about you. What I'm really
trying to say is, Love you lots,
Razzy
PS. Hope you like the gift.
I
smiled. I couldn't contain my happiness. I picked up the item that fell
from the letter. I stared at it in awe
i.ebayimg.com/t/TOC-2-Sided-Worde... I clipped the necklace onto my
neck. I put the letter back in the box, put the box into my bag, and
tied the ribbon around Pluto's neck. He gave no objection. I picked up
letter after letter from my friends and family. I wrote back to every
single on of them. After staring at the presents' boxes for a while, I
decided to open them. From Jinxy and Lily, I got the third piece to a
three way necklace bff-necklace From Alice, I got a box of mint tea and a
red tea kettle. il_570xN.472767624_hjug Mum got me a Lemon (yeah!!) And
Frank chipped in on the new writing journal.
Beautiful_Wolf_Leather_Journal Remus got me a new book on werewolves.
Harry-Potter-and-the-Chamber-o Sev got me a muggle book called 'Grimm's
Fairy Tales,'. Grimm's+Fairy+Tales Lastly, but certainly not least, Reg
got me a small green box, just to put stuff in as he says on his
letters. 0.1074 I smiled at all my gifts. I changed into some warm
clothes, before running, to Professor Dumbeldore's Office.
"Acid Pops," I said. Stairs appeared and I ran up them.
"Professor Dumbeldore, sir!" I exclaimed.
"Yes, Ms. Longbottom. I see you are talking again?" He smiled at me.
"Yes sir, I am. Can I Go to Hogsmed? I haven't gotten my friends and family anything for Christmas, yet," I beamed.
"Yes,
yes. But I will come along," he got out from behind his desk and we
walked downstairs. After buying things for all my friends, I thanked
Professor Dumbledore and ran to the owlery. I picked out 8 different
birds and attached my gifts to them. I told each one where to go before
running back into the castle, hoping find Sev.
"Sev!" I shouted. I finally found him.
"Rani! You're talking again!" Sev smiled. I nodded.
"Thanks
for the gift, by the way. Here's yours," I handed him the wrapped gift
and ran back to my dorm, where I wrote a new story in my new journal for
the the night.