75. Crucio - Causes immense pain

That's messed up, dude.

74. Sectumsempra - Causes severe lacerations

No thanks.

73. Morsmordre - Conjures the Dark Mark

This isn't even funny as a joke.

72. Tarantallegra - Forces target to dance

Some people just don't like to dance. Nothing is worse than forced dancing.

71. Fiendfyre Curse - Makes cursed fire

This is never a good idea. Just ask Crabbe.

70. Petrificus Totalus - Renders target completely immobile

Most applications I can think of are criminal.

69. Furnunculus - Covers target in boils

Not cool, and much less funny than densaugeo.

68. Rictusempra - Tickling Charm

No one likes getting tickled. No one.

67. Deletrius - Dismisses the effects of Prior Incantato

If I'm not using Prior Incantato much, I definitely don't need this.

66. Incarcarous - Ties someone up with ropes

It's not my bag, but to each his/her own.

65. Densaugeo - Makes teeth grow quickly

Funny, for sure, but definitely dickish.

64. Confringo - Explodes objects into flames

Don't teach this to teenagers.

63. Mobilicorpus - Moves bodies

Even if you're not a murderer, this is kind of weird.

62. Liberacorpus - Lowers target of levicorpus

You technically don't have to lower everyone you raise.

61. Levicorpus - Levitates target by ankle

Easily abused, but amusing.

60. Deprimo - Creates great downward pressure

Good for making pasta, I guess.

59. Sonorus - Amplifies one's voice

Sounds useful, mostly annoying.

58. Duro - Hardens objects

I need the opposite of this.

57. Legilimens - Reveals memories and thoughts of target

Some things are secrets for a reason. I'll leave it at that.

56. Expulso - Explodes objects

Sometimes, you just have to blow sh-- up.

55. Avis/Oppugno - Shoots flock of birds from wand

Impressive, but random.

54. Fidelius Charm - binds a secret to the soul of a Secret-Keeper

It didn't work out so well for Lilly and James...

53. Imperio - Makes target obey every command

But only for really, really funny pranks.

52. Piertotum Locomotor - Animates statues

On one hand, this is awesome. On the other, someone would use this to scare me.

51. Aparecium - Make invisible ink appear

Your notes will be so much cooler.

50. Defodio - Carves through stone and steel

Sometimes you need to get the eff out of there.

49. Descendo - Moves objects downward

You'll never have to get a chair to reach for stuff again.

48. Specialis Revelio - Reveals hidden magical properties in an object

I want to know what I'm eating and if it's magical.

47. Meteolojinx Recanto - Ends effects of weather spells

Otherwise, someone could make it sleet in your bedroom forever.

46. Cave Inimicum/Protego Totalum - Strengthens an area's defenses

Helpful, but why are people trying to break into your campsite?

45. Impedimenta - Freezes someone advancing toward you

"Stop running at me! But also, why are you running at me?"

44. Obscuro - Blindfolds target

Finally, we don't have to rely on "No peeking."

43. Reducto - Explodes object

The "raddest" of all spells.

42. Anapneo - Clears someone's airway

This could save a life, but hopefully you won't need it.

41. Locomotor Mortis - Leg-lock curse

Good for footraces and Southwest Airlines flights.

40. Geminio - Creates temporary, worthless duplicate of any object

You could finally live your dream of lying on a bed of marshmallows, and you'd only need one to start.

39. Aguamenti - Shoot water from wand

No need to replace that fire extinguisher you never bought.

38. Avada Kedavra - The Killing Curse

One word: bugs.

37. Repelo Muggletum - Repels Muggles

Sounds elitist, but seriously, Muggles ruin everything. Take it from me, a Muggle.

36. Stupefy - Stuns target

Since this is every other word of the "Deathly Hallows" script, I think it's pretty useful.

35. Diffindo - Cuts or rips material

[Infomerial voice] "No more fumbling with hard-to-use scissors."

34. Erecto - Erects tents or other structures

Not what you think, but still useful. (See also: engorgio)

33. Finite Incantatem - Negates the effects of many spells.

The wizard equivalent of "STAHP!"

32. Prior Incantato - Reveals last spell cast

This would help clear up a lot of arguments.

31. Homenum Revelio - Reveal people nearby

No matter wondering if that creak you heard was a murderous intruder or, you know, just a creak.

30. Incendio - Creates fire

But be careful.

29. Quietus - Quiets magically amplified voice

I might use this "mistakenly" on normal people talking loudly just to send a message.

28. Nox - Turns off lumos

Since Harry, Ron and Hermione use lumos for everything, this is handy.

27. Colloportus - Locks doors

"I forgot my keys again. Oh, wait, no. I didn't. I'm a wizard. Keys are irrelevant."

26. Alohomora - Opens locks

"I forgot my keys again. Oh, wait, no. I didn't. I'm a wizard. Keys are irrelevant."

25. Evanesco - Vanishing spell

"What are you looking at?" "Uh — evanesco — nothing."

24. Ferula - Conjures bandages

This would really cut down on the number of smelly casts.

23. Expecto Patronum - Patronus Charm

Not only does this spell conjure joy, happiness and hope, but you can also use that conjuring to send messages. It's like the opposite of SnapChat.

22. Confundo - Causes confusions and makes others easily susceptible to influence

A more innocent imperio.

21. Relashio - Forces target to let go of whatever they're holding

No more awkward long hugs.

20. Tergeo - Cleans off surfaces

So. Many. Uses.

19. Episkey - Heals minor injuries

First aid is always important.

18. Oblivate - Erases memories

Goodbye, painful teenage memories!

17. Expelliarmus - Disarming Charm

If I have a wand, that means people who definitely shouldn't have wands have them. That's too dangerous.

16. Silencio/Langlock - Stops someone from talking (by sticking one's tongue to the roof of his/her mouth)

STFU!

15. Muffliato - Keeps others nearby from overhearing conversations

Great for throwing shade.

14. Protego - Shields caster from curses

Don't curse me.

13. Riddikulus - Transforms Boggarts into a humorous shape

Anyone know remembers that "Order of the Phoenix" scene understands how important this spell is.

12. Pack - Packs trunks and luggage

Maybe magic will actually remember my phone charger for me.

11. Reducio - Shrinks objects

Combine this with pack, and it's "Farewell, airline baggage fees."

10. Reparo - Repairs broken objects

I will no longer have to resent my cat.

9. Lumos - Makes wand emit light

No more mad dashes up stairs after turning off the basement lights.

8. Orchideous - Grows flowers from end of wand

Fellas, I cannot emphasize the importance of this spell enough.

7. Portus - Creates a portkey

Say "goodbye" to commuting forever. You could literally live and work anywhere.

6. Scourgify - Cleans things

I think this is the spell I and my bath tub have been waiting for.

5. Wingardium Leviosa/Locomotor - Levitates objects

Screw lifting stuff!

4. Impervius - Protects caster from a variety of substances, including water and fire

We would all be finally be able to admit how stupid umbrellas are.

3. Engorgio - Engorgement Charm

2. Glisseo - Turns a staircase into a slide

This is why we have magic.

1. Accio - Summoning charm

I'm trying to think of a time when this wouldn't be useful, and I'm literally not coming up with a single one.