Hey. It's okay. Really. It is. 

He felt ill. Marcus could hardly touch his supper. He was beginning to think he should be in bed. His parents didn't suspect anything, but he was beginning to wonder if his sister did but he worried and confused expression on her face. He wasn't going to throw up. No, but he had lost a lot of his sleep the night before, up convincing himself that there was no reason that he should continue breaking down about how Jay chose to leave him because it wasn't his fault. The only thought that appeared in his mind now was that it was his fault. He left because he didn't want to deal with a helpless little boy that begged for his protection. ‘Nervous’ and ‘little boy’ stood out most to him. It was one of his many thoughts that slipped into his mind and onto paper. He wasn't worth protecting was what he had convinced himself to believe. Marcus had not been invited to the little voyage Regan and his father had gone on to reel in a few fish from the river for that night’s dinner. Mostly due to his foot. Also quoting that his parents had no trust in him to stay safe on his own. He really was that helpless little boy that no one cared to look out for. Marcus poked at his food. He had spaced out for a few moments, not entirely aware of his surroundings. It wasn't that he didn't like the food. Well...he was growing to dislike the fish because it reminded him that Regan and his dad could have crossed paths with Jay. If they did, they might have told him. But...wouldn't that make him more curious to venture off into the woods if they had encountered him?He was curious either way, but still required to stick with someone all day in the premises of his home. The fish on his plate steamed, almost as if it had been pulled off of the cast iron skillet seconds ago, and it appatized him for a moment before the rest of his family started clearing their plates into the trash with as little noise as possible. It was a miserable, melancholy silence that grew inside of him. 

Marcus could feel the warm water trickle down his back as he stood, staring down at his feet in the shower. It was warm, and it soothed him deeply as he closed his eyes, ready to climb into bed and rest. He scrubbed down his body and rinsed the soap out of his hair, toweling off and getting dressed as he exited and headed down the steps towards the living room where the fire sat crackling and popping in the fireplace. He let out a long sigh and swallowed. His throat was a bit sore, but he asked his mother to boil some water over the fire for some tea to keep the swelling in his throat down. His head ached a bit as he slid into his bed, sitting and listening to the hush of the rain outside, pouring down the gutters, out the spickets, and battering windows. The mug of tea was placed in his hands and he sipped it slowly and thoughtfully as the warmth rushed down his throat. It tasted of lemon zest and lavender. He let out a long sigh, closing his eyes as he leaned his back up against the headboard. Jay.- The name screamed suddenly as if it were in a deep, echoey cave and startled his slumber. He held in a soft whimper, choking back a sob as he fluttered his eyelids, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself.

Jay. You're the only one that can make me smile...though the thought of you leaves me in tears. I feel like my cheeks are permanently stained with the sting of my tears. I- I try. I really try. But it’s hard. It’s hard not being with you.  Jay. If you’re out there. Please come back. Please. For me. 

 With love, your friend, 

Marcus

Marcus eventually came to the last drop of lemon lavender tea and took the final sip. It was a bit cooled down, but the mug was still warm in his hands. He held the warm ceramic mug up to his lips and drained it of any remaining drops of tea and gently brushed away one of his clear, glistening tears that shined in the light of the dying embers. “I won't sleep,” he thought. “Not with the rain bantering like that.” - but he did.

His voice was soft. Whispy. Disant. Marcus peered up at him with eyes open in curiosity as he felt his fingers gently running through his hair, brushing it and combing it out of his face. The boy staring down from above him was ghostly and mysterious, but he charmed him in the most odd way. Marcus blinked a few times and smiled slightly at his touch, feeling his hands on his cheeks. Jay used one hand to push away a few strands of his curly hair and caressed his cheek softly as he returned a small grin. They stared into each other’s eyes, moments passing before Jay bent down and pressed his lips gently to his. Marcus smiled against his touch and reached both hands up to place on the back of Jay’s head, feeling his soft, silky, dark hair on his fingers and his palms.

Marcus grinned in his bed and hugged his second pillow to his chest. He was sleeping soundly.

Jay pulled something from behind his back and placed the flower crown he had been waiting to give him upon his head, gently kissing his cheek as Marcus sat up and admired it. It was a beautiful chain of clover flowers, woven together by Jay’s soft and delicate hands. “I love you.” Marcus told him in signs and gave him a gentle, cheery smile. He did. “I love you too.” Jay returned and tucked a few other strands of Marcus’ hair behind his ear, blowing him a soft kiss, his vision slowly drifting into a blurr.