The moment I saw his face. Really. Up until now I had no clue about this idea that he would be the one. I mean...really, the one. We had some enjoyable times. We bonded. But there were those moments, you know, in between the cracks and crevices of conversations, there were those moments where I stopped to think what an amazing person he actually was. Sometimes I really wonder if it's right to be in love with another boy. We shared hugs. Teased each other. He would ruffle my curly brown hair. But underneath all of that...what was it? I was feeling something. The way he would glance at me to the side. I occasionally made notes in my journal, just jotting down thoughts and feelings. I didn't really question them or think much of what I wrote, but I went back, through the days that I had spent with Jay and noticed what I was really feeling was tucked into the delicate journal pages, sentences, and words of my notebook. I look at them now and think...I need to just follow through and tell myself to stop denying it. I tell myself not to cry about it because it's not that big of a deal that he left. Jay? Whos that? Just forget it. It's not a big deal, Marcus. Cmon, get a grip of yourself. It's the real world, Marcus. Not everyone gets what they want. I try laughing it off, telling myself it's okay. But no. It really isn't and I can't seem to sustain myself without breaking down. I write letters. Simple and short. My mind crafts them in a perfect envelope, and sends them off, hoping someday he might receive them. Coping this way only brings more tears, but thinking back, “Crying is a good way to get your deepest feelings out.”

Jay. I really have been wanting to tell you. I miss you. I don't know if you miss me. But if you did, I would ask if you love me too. So...do you? It is what it seems. I get flustered and nervous every time it comes to mind. Especially when you give me that smile. It just isn't the same when you're not around. Sometimes I imagine you still are. Even if you don't love me back, I understand. But I won't forget you. 

 With love, your friend, 

Marcus