I discovered that love is not a word, and that silence is sometimes better than music.

I discovered that hugs are comforting when you know you deserve them, because with a sore heart and a stained mind it's hard to believe they are.

And I discovered that kisses are sweet when they don't carry illusion or lies. Because illusion is treacherous and lies poison.

I discovered that I can't cry, only drown in my thoughts and lead the life I need but not the one I want.

I discovered that my sketches are doors to my desired world and dictionaries to my thoughts.

I discovered that dreams mean more to me than memories.

I discovered that looking is not good and that observing is wise.

I discovered that a smile is pure when it is genuine.

I discovered that thinking about you and my surroundings was exhausting.

I discovered that a greeting doesn't require words or a hand, just simple glances.

I discovered that helping you without expecting anything in return, while it was good for you, was destroying my life.

I discovered that wishful thinking made me sicker than a lethal virus.

Until I discovered that my bed was my best confidant. Faithful friend who listened to my secrets and wrapped me in her blankets when I needed it.

Because try as I might, I couldn't fall in love with you. And as much as I deny it, I never did. And that's okay.