Today I went to the market and as usual on Fridays, I drive the shopping cart. Fun fact of mine: if I drive the cart I hate it when people touch it or "help" me to drive it.

We were entering aisle seven. "Beauty and Health" said the sign. My sister, a playful little girl who I dare say jumps like a kangaroo, took the shopping cart from the front. Restraining myself from scolding her or exploding in the middle of the market, I politely asked her to let go. "Why can't I help you?" my sister asked. "Because I can do it myself, flea." I said (I promise you that in my native tongue "flea" is a cute nickname). My sister looked at me with puppy dog eyes, trying to manipulate me into letting her drive the cart. I laughed softly and shook my head, maintaining my opinion. "And why do you want to do it alone?" my curious sister asked. Then everything stopped and I started to think. If I had been asked that question when I was my sister's age I would have said "Because I'm a big girl." or "I'm perfectly capable of driving the cart by myself.". But I wondered this year, after going through so much.

Fun fact about me part 2: Since I was 10 everything started to fall apart around me, and by the time I was 13, I started to suffer from really bad panic attacks. 

I looked my sister in the eyes and the words came out of my mouth. "Because it calms me down, to know that I have control over something, to know that I have order over something calms me down. It helps me breathe."

I start thinking about how much things changed from when I was a little girl to today.