Content warning for this chapter. TW: eating disorders, vomiting
I am in no way glamorizing eating disorders. They are mentally and physically damaging. I know it's difficult to ask for help, you may not even want help, but please. You will be happier on the other side.

-

There were crowds of people and she cursed herself for being too short to see over them.

-

Taylor

"Tiny," she thought while looking in the mirror getting ready for the day. "Tiny," she thought while walking through the school to the Great Hall. "Tiny," she thought staring at the endless amount of food on the tables. "Tiny," she thought placing french toast on her plate. Taylor hadn't eaten since the accident with the Draught of Peace. That was three days ago now. At first, she wasn't hungry. She only felt tired. But then she thought of how many people praised her for her small figure. She used to hate it, she hated being skinny. She thought, as she got older, she would get curves, or taller at least. But now, after noticing how people reacted to her being naturally thin, maybe she could be thinner. She could always be smaller, in her mind.

She knew she had to eat something eventually. She just wanted to see how long she could wait. And then, she'll eat something. Maybe a few carrots or a slice of toast. For now, nothing. She stared at the food on her plate, her stomach screaming. "Still not hungry?" Heidi asked her.

Taylor shook her head. "I swear if I find out who gave you that damn potion-"

"You'll kill them. You've told me, a few times, actually." Taylor forced a smile and a small laugh, not looking away from her plate. She glanced up and saw Draco Malfoy's eyes looking back at her. He quickly looked away. Taylor thought maybe she imagined it. He hates her, she hates him. There's no reason for him to be looking at her.

Breakfast ended after excruciatingly long minutes. Heidi was speaking to her the entire time, but Taylor didn't hear a single word she said. She just kept responding with head nods and "mhm." Her mind was centered around food. The thought of eating made her disgusted.

Taylor didn't have any classes today since it was the weekend. Usually, she loved the weekend. Now she dreaded it. At least while she was in classes, she could focus on something else. And there were strict 'no food' rules while in class. There were no temptations. She decided she would go on runs around the castle grounds, down near Hagrid's hut, make laps around the courtyard or Quidditch pitch. She made sure to drink plenty of water.

So once breakfast ended, she changed into suitable running clothes and left. It was around 9 am when she started her run. She ran laps through the courtyard, the grassy field where she had flying classes, and down to the lake. She stopped abruptly, threw one hand on a tree to steady herself, and was sick. She didn't even know what she was throwing up, there was nothing to throw up. When she was done, she stumbled back and sat on the grass with her head hanging between her knees. She heard rustling footsteps and looked up to see none other than Draco Malfoy. For fuck's sake. Taylor immediately looked away and started running in the other direction. She ran all the way back to the common room, sweaty and out of breath.

Heidi stared at her pale face and weak expression. "Godric, you look terrible!"

"Gee thanks Heidi," Taylor said between gasping breaths. "Tay, you've got to eat something."

Taylor shook her head. "Can't." Heidi seemed confused. "Why not? I don't care if you're not hungry at this point, just eat something."

"I'll be sick if I do." Taylor wanted the conversation to end. Without giving Heidi time to say anything else, she went into her dorm and closed the door. She threw herself onto her bed and quickly fell asleep. It was only 11 am by this point. It was much later when she woke up again. She wiped her eyes and noticed a bowl of yogurt on her nightstand. She sat up, slowly, feeling her stomach rumble. She picked up the bowl and held the spoon in her hand. I can do yogurt. Yogurt won't hurt.

She very slowly and carefully ate half the bowl of yogurt. Right to left. She set it back down on her nightstand and pulled herself out of bed. Taylor saw her stuffed bear laying on the floor. She must have knocked it off when she was sleeping. "Oh, I'm sorry, Beary," she sighed, picking him up and giving him a hug before placing it back on her bed. She knew the name was oh so original, but she named it when she was a toddler and was stuck using it now. Her feet took her to the bathroom where she took a long shower. Two pumps of her shampoo, three pumps of the conditioner. She squeezed the body wash into her hand, the size of one Sickle. She washed her face in the shower with an ordinary cleanser. She felt better now, refreshed.

When she stepped out of the shower and pulled on clean clothes, she left her bathroom to see Heidi, taking the bowl of yogurt from her room. "Thought you might've wanted some," she says happily, clearly proud that she'd gotten Taylor to eat something. "Yes, thank you."

"You missed lunch. I saved a sandwich for you just in case. Turkey, lettuce, and mustard. Your favorite!" Heidi seemed happy and hopeful.

"Oh, thank you." Taylor had only now seen the plate in Heidi's other hand. "You can put it down anywhere," she said, drying her hair with a yellow towel. Heidi set the plate down with a napkin onto her dresser and said goodbye. She was off to play a Quidditch friendly. Taylor's eyes met the sandwich. She walked over to it, throwing her towel on the bathroom floor. She studied it like she was searching for answers in a stack of bread, meat, and lettuce. Finally, she picked it up. But only to rearrange the layers. It should be turkey first, then lettuce. The mustard should go in between instead of on top, but this aspect was hard to change without getting it all over her hands. She took one bite. Then she wrapped it in the napkin and made a place for her to put it in her dresser, where it wouldn't touch any of her clothes.

Taylor immediately felt anger and hatred at herself for eating something. She paced around her room, mumbling curse words and punching the wall. She felt utterly disgusting. Her mind raced with solutions. And she found one. Without hesitation, she rushed through the common room and over to Gryffindor's. She didn't know their password but found what she was looking for.

"Ron! Hey, Ron!" She hurried over to where Ron and Harry were standing, waiting presumably for Hermione. "Uh, hi. Taylor right?" She nodded her head. "Do you know where I might find your brothers?" Ron seemed confused. He answered, "Filch's office last time I checked." Suddenly Hermione was there, standing with them, "Might want to be careful, though. The old hag could get back at any second." Ron and Harry jumped. "Bloody hell, Hermione, when did you get here?" Hermione rolled her eyes. Taylor didn't seem to notice Hermione popping up out of nowhere. She needed to find Fred and George. "Thanks!" She shouted, already speedwalking to Filch's office.

She arrived and put her ear up to the door. She didn't hear Filch, but she didn't hear the twins either. Pushing open the door, Taylor was met with two tall, red-haired boys with identical faces. They flinched at the sight of the door opening and relaxed when they saw it was her. "You gave me a right good scare, Taylor," said George. "We thought you were Filch," said Fred. Taylor found it strange, but ultimately amusing how the two could finish each other's sentences.

"Sorry. Ron said you'd be here. I was wondering if you had any puking pastilles on you?" Taylor asked hopefully. Simultaneously, they both pulled small bags out of their pockets. Her face lit up. She reached into her pocket and pulled out some Sickles and Knots. She wasn't sure how much she had, she just dropped the coins into George's hand and grabbed the bag. "Thanks!" She said eagerly, turning to leave. She spun back around to add, "I think I hear Filch, you both better wrap this up." She then walked as quickly as she could without breaking the rules about running inside the castle. She was back in her dorm, shutting and locking the door. She took a puking pastille out of the small plastic bag and popped it in her mouth. She walked into her bathroom, shutting and locking that door as well. Then she waited.

Moments later, she was vomiting into her toilet. This should have felt more disgusting than how she did after eating, but it didn't. She had finally gotten rid of the feeling. She flushed the toilet, was slightly happy and brushed her teeth. It was 5:30 pm, nearly time for dinner. Taylor thought about skipping it and just not showing up. But this would be suspicious, and she'd have to think of a reason as to why she wasn't there. She didn't want to take another puking pastille tonight, so she wasn't going to eat. She figured she'd just have to pretend like she was.

And that's exactly what she did. She pulled it off rather excellently, she thought. She cut up her food and pushed it around, talking excessively to Heidi. She occasionally brought her fork up to her mouth, then set it back down with another question prepared. Heidi didn't seem to notice that in doing all of that, Taylor didn't actually eat anything.

After dinner, she sat in the common room with Heidi, Max, and Cedric. They talked about homework, classes, and Quidditch. Before she knew it, it was 10 pm. Max had left to go to bed early, and Heidi did the same. They had practice tomorrow morning. "Why aren't you getting a good night's sleep as well? Surely you have to practice too?" Taylor asked Cedric, who was the last of her friends still sitting with her. A few other students were in the common room chatting or studying. Taylor knew their names but didn't really talk to them.

"I do," Cedric shrugged, "But I also have a Charms test on Monday and need to finish studying."

Taylor nodded and looked around the room, waiting for something to come to her mind that she could talk about with him. After a few awkward minutes of silence, Taylor stood up from her spot on the couch. "I'm going for a walk, talk to you later." And with that, she left.

She walked around the halls and through the corridors. The paintings, if not already sleeping, told her to go back to her room and sleep. She ignored them, shaking her head and looking at the floor. She stood on a staircase and waited for it to move. She didn't know where she wanted to go, and she didn't want to know where she was going. After forty or so minutes of walking, she reached the Astronomy Tower. She looked up at the stars and the moon, the only sources of light. She studied the stars, wishing she could understand them. She had learned that the stars can tell the future. Well, not the future, but if you know how to read them, you could make sense of it. There were footsteps drawing nearer. Taylor turned cautiously, wand in hand. She didn't know if it would be one of her professors there to give her detention or Sirius Black there to murder her. But it was neither. The tall figure stepped into the dim moonlight and she saw him clearly. Draco Malfoy. "Tiny?"

-

Draco

He woke up to Blaise and Adrian arguing. He groaned and shouted through the walls at them to shut up. He tried to fall back asleep, but it was no use. He was awake now.

He dragged himself out of bed and pulled on clean clothes. He stepped out of his dorm that he shared with Blaise and glared at him and Adrian. "What in the hell were you two fighting about?" He asked groggily. "Nothing important," Blaise mumbled.

"Nothing? I wouldn't call you hitting on my girlfriend nothing!" Adrian raised his voice. "Mate I'm telling you that's not what happened!" Blaise was yelling again. Draco honestly didn't care what Blaise did or didn't do, he just wanted them to shut the fuck up. He groaned in annoyance and walked out of the common room. Blaise and Adrian were still fighting behind him. Pansy caught up to him.

"Fucking idiots, those two," Draco said without looking at her. "What did he say to you, anyway? Blaise."

"He complimented me. Adrian is overreacting." Pansy sighed. They walked to the Great Hall in silence. He sat down, not saying anything. Thinking about Taylor. Why couldn't he stop thinking about her? As more students filled the tables, he caught himself searching for her. He spotted her across the room, sitting at a table with other Hufflepuffs. He watched her, expecting her to start eating. Right to left. But she didn't eat the food on her plate. She just stared down at it. He began to think about what was wrong. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't seen her eat the day before either. Was it him? Did he upset her so badly that she couldn't eat? 

The last three days since she got out of the hospital wing, Draco noticed the bags under her eyes. He knew she was sleeping, probably too much. Maybe that was why she wasn't eating. Draco himself couldn't eat right away after waking up. Maybe she wasn't eating because every time there were meals, she had just woken up. She probably got something later. It hit Draco yet again that the only reason she was sleeping so much, and probably why she wasn't eating, was because of that damn potion. Because Pansy thought it'd be funny to give Taylor a horribly made Draught of Peace. Then he realized it was only horribly made because he put those spells on her items. The pit in his stomach was heavy. He watched, silently begging her to eat. The only time she looked up from her plate she stared right into his eyes. It caught him off-guard. His cheeks felt red and he damned himself for staring, for blushing.

Breakfast ended and she left. He needed something to occupy his time. Party preparation doesn't start until later. Blaise had suggested they throw a party tonight. No specific reason, just a random party. Everyone else seemed keen on the idea so they were going to have a party. Draco wasn't a big fan of parties. He liked the drinking and the little games like truth or dare or would you rather. He didn't like the loud music, the cramped space, the hot air. 

He decided to read outside for a bit, maybe he'd take a walk later. It was just past 9 am. He saw Taylor running past him, something she'd never done before. Her hair was slicked back into a ponytail. He'd never seen her with her hair up. This stirred his thoughts more. He tried to push them back by reading his book, but they broke through. He had enough of sitting, he was going to go on a walk.

He wanted to go down to the lake, it was his favorite place to sit and relax. He sat under this one tree that shaded him perfectly from the sun. Though, he didn't need much shading now that it was turning to autumn. As he walked he saw the lake growing closer. He started towards his tree but stopped when he saw Taylor there instead. She was bent over, puking. 

Draco wasn't sure what to do. Should he go help her? What if she didn't want to be helped? Was this another side effect from the potion? After what seemed like hours of Taylor vomiting, she stopped and sat on the ground. Draco decided that he would go up to her now. Just to ask her if she was okay, see if she needed to go to Madam Pomfrey. But as soon as she saw him, she got up and ran.

Blaise would have said something like, "that is a lady asking to be chased."

Draco thought differently. He didn't run after her. He probably could catch up to her if he started running in the next ten seconds. Nine... eight... seven. If he sprinted as fast as he could, he could reach her. Four... three... two. His chance disappeared. He would see her again, if not in the hallways then in class. Something seemed wrong. She never went on runs. She's not eating. She had just puked and ran away seconds later. 

Draco sat in the grass, collecting his thoughts. If this all really was because of the potion, it was his fault. He's the one who started this. He eventually rose from the ground and headed back to the castle. When he returned, it was nearly lunchtime. He wasn't terribly hungry, he wanted to know if Taylor would finally eat.  He assumed that she would after what happened near the lake. But she wasn't there. She always sat in the spot next to her blond-haired friend. What was her name? Hannah? Or Helga? Whatever. Doesn't matter. Taylor was nowhere to be seen. He worried about her, and he felt stupid worrying. They're not friends. They don't know each other. 

The blond girl had a plate in her hand as she left. Draco hoped she was taking it to Taylor. Maybe she went to the hospital wing and will be back to normal any minute now. "Malfoy. We need to discuss the plan." Blaise had sat down beside him. "We don't, really. I told you I'd help set up but I don't need to know what everyone else is doing."

"So Pansy is getting the firewhiskey, Adrian is on Snape duty, and I'm making sure we have an amazing night with no interruptions." He smiled brightly. "Cool," Draco mumbled. "All you have to do is show up, look pretty, and have fun." Blaise seemed excited about tonight's party. Like they hadn't thrown a hundred parties before. Draco planned that he would go but wouldn't wear anything super nice or flashy. He would drink a little bit and have fun with his friends. He could put Taylor out of his mind for a few hours. It should be fun.

He sees her at dinner. She looks fine. She's pushing around the food on her plate, very clearly avoiding having to eat it. There are moments where Draco thinks she's going to take a bite but never does. She wasn't eating, still. And now she was pretending to, making her friends think she's okay. Draco could try to tell the blond one but he doubted she would listen. Should he confront her? Would that make it worse? He wanted to help, which was strange for him. He never wanted to help anyone, never wanted to know someone as much as he wanted to know her. 

That night, the party was wild. It started at 9 pm. The lights flashed and the music was so loud he could feel the floors vibrating. He was impressed, this was by far the best party they had thrown. Pansy had somehow managed to obtain a LOT of firewhiskey.  Draco downed a few cups of it, he was a little drunk. He was starting to get hot and stuffy in the packed common room, so he left. He assured Blaise that he would be back soon. Draco wanted to go to the Astronomy Tower. It was quiet there, and he could see the stars so clearly.

Taylor was there. How was she always there? Right where he was going? He didn't mind, especially not tonight. Was that even Taylor? How drunk is he right now? He steps closer and sure enough, she was standing right in front of him, her wand raised.

"Tiny?"