“Jessica!” 

My father’s call from his room startled me. I quickly shut off my phone, slipped into my slippers, and found my dad sitting on his bed, holding a picture of mom. 

He quickly placed it down and turned to me. “You cleaned my room?” he sounded angry. Or was it just me? “Why did you?”

"This room looked dirty. I cleaned it because it needed it. Why do you ask?" I sat down on the bed next to him.

"You aren't allowed to clean this room. Ever." Dad paused to breathe. "Did you clean the sheets?" he looked at me with fierce eyes.

“Uh...yeah.” I whispered, a little confused.

Dad glared at me with so much hatred that I got off the bed and stood in the doorway. He stood up after me and slapped my face. Hard.

I winced in pain and clutched my cheek with my hands. I looked at my father in shock. He would never ever slap me.

 Then why did he slap me then?

I tried not to show my weakness but I felt tears spring into my eyes. I looked lastly at my father in pain and ran into my room and slammed my door.

I flopped onto my bed and cried and cried and cried. Just like I had that day with Tracy except it wasn’t about Olivia. It was about my father and all the hurt about him ignoring me.

Now added to the ignorance was hurt and pain.

I curled into a ball and sobbed, staring at my ceiling. I thought of all the memories of my childhood, the good ones, that I had with my family. 

A flashback blinded me suddenly.

I was five and me, mom, and dad were at Dorney Park. It was a warm summer day and all three of us were heading for the caracel. 

"Daddy, I want you to go on with me." I said, holding both mom and dad's hands.

"I can go with you." Dad answered and turned to Mom. "Are you going to come or...?"

Mom smiled and shook her head. "I'm gonna take pictures." She unclasped her hands from mine. "Why don't you and daddy go on horses together."

I nodded and smiled brightly, my hair in pigtails. "Okay!" I exclaimed, jumping up and down. "Come on daddy! Let's go!" I pulled Daddy across to the caracel.

He laughed, smiling. "Okay okay!" 

Dad gave the person a ticket and we both went through the gate. I went on a white horse and Dad went on a black and grey horse next to me.

"Neigh neigh!" I whispered, patting the horse's head.

My Dad laughed. "Neigh neigh." he repeated and petted his horse too.

I grinned and suddenly the caracel started moving. It spun around and around.  I smiled wide and put my hands up in the air. My dad smiled along with me and shook his head. When my mother was in sight with the camera, me and dad posed for the camera, our faces in silly ways…

I sobbed loudly. Those were the good days. When I had both mom and dad. Even though I did have my dad it seemed like he was a different person. Like he was gone.

I closed my eyes and tried to breathe normally but it seemed like I couldn't. Like all the oxygen was sucked from my lungs. I gasped for air that wasn't there, clutching myself as I drifted away into nothingness.

Then I remembered what Tracy had said to me on the phone. About some kind of trip to Littletons mall.

One place I couldn't stand to go to was that mall. But if it was far away from my cruel father then I can at least manage to hold back my bad memories and fears to check the place out. It can’t be that bad, right?

I sucked in a breath that I managed to find. I was probably having a panic attack. That was probably why I felt so closed in and lost. Lost, lonely, and suffocating.

I would go to Littleton's mall because if I can't fight my fear as my father can fight his obsession with mom, then there is no hope for anyone.