I was waiting out front for like fifteen minutes before Tracy finally arrived. I had texted her while she was said to be doing homework because I felt sad. That is only half. I feel alone.

It was all because of Olivia's death, which shook me right to the core. I never did forget that night, which was the worst day I had witnessed. Even after that day I never spoke of it nor did I think about it. The incident with Olivia was only in my daydreams and nightmares, which only came when I felt alone or had flashbacks.

The flashbacks came from what I had been diagnosed with. Post-traumatic shock as the doctor had said. Also known as PTSD.  He said that it happens from being triggered by a traumatic event. Then he had started explaining the symptoms, which are nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks or memories of other trauma. The only symptoms I have are nightmares, anxiety, and flashbacks.

But whatever. I usually pretend I am fine anyway. It’s hard too because I have to take pills, go to daily visits with a therapist and doctor, and I always act depressed, angry, and lonely.

“Jessica?”

Tracy's voice calling my name interrupts my thoughts. She is standing on the sidewalk in front of my house, her dark hair pulled into two braids. Her outfit includes a short sleeved light blue t-shirt, white flats, and blue jeans.

Somehow in the few weeks we haven't seen each other I feel like I had forgotten what she looked like.

"Hey, Trace." I walked down and gave her a hug. "I missed you."

Even though I lost most of my trust in my family, Jase, and my other friends I never lost my trust in Tracy.

"Me too." Tracy said to my hair, which had grown past my shoulders in the past year and was now down my back.

After I pulled away I led her into my home, which was a little messy. Blankets were unfolded and laid on the couch. Cups and dishes sat on the living room table as was the dining room table. My dad didn’t get to the dishes yet, which I noticed he wouldn’t ever get to.

"How's your dad holding up?" Tracy asked, inspecting the place.

I sighed. I really didn't want to bring up my father.  My father who had a breakdown about Mom’s sudden death. My father who always spends his time in his room. My father who always ignores me and acts like I am not there. The only thing he did was bring me to the doctor to get diagnosed. That was about the only thing he had done right since. Right now, thankfully, he was still at work.

I mean don’t get me wrong. I loved my mother and I was really horrified by her death but like we have to move on. Like after Olivia’s death I was still sad and depressed just like after my Mom’s death. I love her still and miss her every day but that doesn’t mean I would shut my whole world out except work and turn into a walking ghost.

"He's bad." I said honestly. "I mean he only goes to work, eats a little, and goes to sleep or cries. I don't know. I just can't live with him anymore."

Tracy frowned, her eyes locking with mine. "Well that's a shame. Your father is such a good person."

"Well not anymore." I muttered, leading her into my room, which was the only clean room in the house as far as I knew.

Tracy sat down on my floor, legs crossed, just like we did as kids. I sat right next to her. 

I noticed she was looking around my room with awe, as she had when we were younger. I have changed my room a lot since last year. I went with less pink and more darker colors. It was like my room always showed my moods, because I usually always changed the colors and setup, all except my light pink walls which I hated. My room was now a blue color. 

"Well how's it going at your place?" I asked Tracy, who was still looking around my room. When I spoke she looked over at me with curious eyes. 

"Everythings been going great. But my mother thinks something is weird with me. She kept asking me questions like “Are you okay?” or “Is there something troubling you?” and whatnot. It's really annoying." She sighed deeply and stared at her nails, which were covered with sunset orange nail polish.

"Oh," I said. "That does sound annoying. I think you look better than me a hundred times over though." I smiled slightly.

Tracy smiled gratefully at me. “Thanks. I don’t know why she thinks there is something wrong with me but I sure as hell won’t ask.” 

A ding came from somewhere in her pants and she fished out a phone and looked at it. Tracy’s eyebrows pinched together. “What the hell?” she whispered to herself.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “What is it?”

"There is this rude thing they put online about Olivia. It's a blog I think." Tracy read it carefully under her breath before showing me her phone.

This girl Olivia that was said to have died from the news is a liar. I am sure she faked her death and she went on her great life without any problems to bother with. I think it is extreme shit that she would fake her death. I mean 1, there is no evidence, and 2, they never found her body. The only evidence they had gotten was from three of Olivia's friends, Tracy, Jase, and Jessica. Seriously? Her friends probably are with her disappearing act by lying to the police. I'm sure that Olivia didn't get dragged away by a man with a black mask. That just sounds like child shit. Anyway I just wanted people to know the truth.

I growled and shoved the phone away. 

How dare this freak tell us that Olivia’s death didn’t happen! I saw her death with my own eyes. And Olvia did not disappear, she was killed in the claws of an evil man with a black mask. I would never lie about that! It was way too horrible to make up.

“Are you okay, Jessica?” Tracy asked me“You look so angry.”

I realized she was right. I had my hands in tight fists in my lap and I could feel my face scrunched up and my lip peeled back in a snarl. I relaxed a little and closed my eyes, breathing slowly.

“Just how dare this person say he knows the truth.” I said in an angry whisper. “Was he there?”

“Mhm,” Tracy nodded, also looking a little angry. “I think this person was trying to convince everybody that. But he, she, whatever, doesn't know the day like we had experienced it.” Tracy sighed and put her phone away.

“Yes. Who was that…”I trailed off and laid back with my head on the ground, uncrossing my legs. A flashback appeared, probably because of the whole conversation on Olivia. Or maybe not.

Me and Olivia were very young. We were both seven. Olivia and I were in Olivia’s backyard, where we had spent most of our time as friends when we were young. We were both playing with barbie dolls.

“Do you like Michael?” Olivia asked me.

I blushed bright red. “Of course not.”

“Yes you do! I saw you looking at him the entire day of school yesterday.” Olivia grabbed a barbie doll with a boy doll and pressed them together, making smooching noises.

“Olive!” It was a name I loved to call her since her mommy called her that.

“Oh come on, Jesseca.” Oliliva murmured. “You do like Micheal.”

I mumbled and then said, “Don’t call me Jesseca. It’s J-e-s-s-i-c-a. Jessica.” I had learned to spell my name really early since my mother had taught me.

Olivia rolled her eyes playfully. "Okay. What do you want Lily to do?" she asked, pointing to my doll. My doll had light blond hair and a rainbow dress on.

"She is gonna be friends with Sally." I pointed to her doll, which had long brown hair in braids with blue dye.

Olivia smiled, some of her teeth missing. "Yes!" she exclaimed, grabbing Sally and fixing her up so they could play.

I put Lily up and made her walk over to Sally, who had a drink in her hand. Olivia moved Sally's hand to make her drink. 

"What are you doing, Sally?" I made Lily ask.

"Nothing. Just drinking a soda." Sally answered. Oliva giggled but I didn't know what she was laughing about-

"Jessica? Are you there? Hello?"

Tracy interrupted my flashback, bringing me back to reality. I turned to her and found that there were tears in my eyes. I whimpered and hugged her, crying.

"Jessica?" Tracy was very worried now. "What's wrong?" she hugged me back and put my head on her shoulder.

"I miss Olivia. So so much. Why did they have to take her?" I was broken down now. I had never really acted like this since her death. I was mostly in shock and anger. But I must’ve finally snapped when I saw everything come to clarity.

Tracy nodded. "I do too. But what happened? A flashback?"

I moved my head up and down but did nothing but cried into Tracy's shoulder. I let all of my balled up sorrow come out. As I was crying, memories of Olivia came to mind.

When me and Olivia had played with clay and got it all over when we were both eight.

When Olivia and I were playing at the playground but I was spotting boys out when we were ten.

When I was talking to Tracy and Olivia was listening silently when we were both fourteen.

I cried and cried until I just felt like I couldn't cry anymore, like there were no more tears in my body left that had stayed there so long.

Tracy had gone quiet but she finally spoke. "What were you trying to say before you...had your flashback?" she went quiet again and I moved away from her to peer at her face.

There was curiosity and sorrow found there.

"Who sent you that blog?" I asked, wiping the tears from my face, suddenly embarrassed that I had cried over Olivia.

"Ur...Jase." Tracy knew I didn't really trust Jase or talk to him anymore. I mean Jase went away anyway. He stopped seeing us except Tracy, who went sometimes to his house to check on him. She was the only one who was normal out of all of us.

"Oh." I murmured. "Send it to me."