My heart jumps out of me everytime our eyes meet. I feel happiness and joy. You are the only one who makes me feel that way. I ran away from home and you let me stay with you since I had no place to go. Even though you were living with your girlfriend, you still let me live with you. Though it broke my heart into millions of pieces when I saw you and her together. You were unaware of how I felt. I had been bottling my feelings up ever since we were young. And when you were heartbroken when she broke up with you, I couldn't stand to see you so hurt.
You may not know how I feel about you, but you will soon. When the time is right. I'll have to tell you. Even if it means that our friendship is ruined and even if it means that I will lose the most important person in my life, I can't keep lying to you. Though I would rather keep pushing my feelings down just so that you can stay in my life, even if it is as just a friend. I'm afraid of what will happen when you aren't in my life.
We sit at a restaurant for dinner, to cheer you up from the break up. Your usual electric blues eyes are a gloomy, murky blue. You slouch over the table. As you sit there gloomy, I sit there watching you, heartbroken that you're heartbroken. You usually are so peppy and you always are smiling, you mess around a lot, but now you're.... you're different.
Finally you seem to cheer up just a bit, but still not yourself. I wanted to cheer you up more and see your beaming, jokingly smile you always have. The smile you lost. My heart ached more than ever and though I wanted you to be happy something inside told me I should tell you the truth. It whispered in my head saying I needed to tell you the truth. That I was a horrible friend for lying. I didn't know if I should tell you the truth or not.
"Kadin... I have to tell you something" I blurted out before I could stop myself to rethink. I bite my lips. "Ok?" you said kinda worriedly after you look at my face, "Is it good news or bad news?". I bit my lip "depends". "what?...did i do something?" you say as your voice shakes. I took a deep breath. "It's about our friendship" I say quietly. You look more worried than I have ever seen you. "Well.. nevermind I'll.. I'll tell you later" I mumble, not wanting you to look gloomy and sad, like you did earlier thinking that I don't want to be friends anymore. I guess part of that is true though because I don't want us to be just friends. I want us to be more than friends. As we finished eating in silence, I glanced at you and saw your worried face. I sighed as I stood up to follow you outside into the car.
I opened the door to get in. As you drove, we sat in silence for a while. "So...um what did..uh you have to ..tell me?" you said, your voice worried. "Um.. well" I said not sure how to tell him that I have been in love with him since we were young. "Come on Liv, you have to tell me what's going on... I am your best friend.." you said. I didn't know what to do. What if I told you about my feelings and that ruined our relationship. I've been using that excuse for years, it was time for the truth.
"I don't know HOW to tell you this though" I said in a quiet voice. "Ok then, so it's about me and you" you said slowly but your voice still shaking. You pulled over into an empty parking lot so you could talk to me with your full attention. "Is it that you don't want to be friends anymore.." you asked so worried. "....Yes...but let me explain" I said as your heart shattered and you looked away. "So remember when we were young and I used to tell you I really liked someone but I knew they didn't like me back.." I said in a rushed voice so that I could finally tell you the truth as soon as possible, so that our relationship would end sooner, my heart could break sooner, and for me to feel better sooner. "..yeah.." you muttered quietly, "Well I have been lying to that person about how I felt for them for so long. I want to finally tell them the truth...." I said a little slower. "..Ok.. so why do you not want to be friends anymore?" you asked so confused. "Well..ok so... Kadin, I have been lying to you all this time. Ever since we were young I had always been in love with you, and I kept making excuses for not telling you. I don't want to be friends anymore.. I want to be more than friends.." I said rushed, "and I know that you are going through a breakup and all.. i just" I said looking into your blue eyes. "though I know this whole thing will ruin our whole relationship and you'll probably never want to talk to me again but I just had to tell you.. I waited too long." I said to you. The whole time that I was talking to you, you just sat there staring at me, one hand over your mouth. "...sorry... I just had to tell you how I really felt..." I whispered. As we sat there in silence for what seemed like forever, I wondered why you hadn't said anything. Maybe you were still in shock or you just didn't know how to tell me that you never want to speak to me again.
I looked over at you. You just sat there. "Please just say something. Anything. Yell at me. SAY something!" I pleaded. "Liv, I just don't know what TO say" you said. "It's just that.." you started. "WHAT" I pleaded still, I didn't know why you were acting like this wasn't big news that'll ruin all those years of friendship. "It's just that... I have felt the same way about you for a long time... I was actually going to finally tell you at dinner but then I thought you didn't want to be friends anymore.." you said smiling. I was shocked. "REALLY?????" I said sounding so surprised. "No.. you're just messing with me, you're just playing with my already shattered heart." I said. "No I'm serious Liv, I really do love you" you said making me look at you. "...Ok... let's go to the house. I'm super tired. We can talk about this later if you want.." you said now driving again. "WAIT! Are you serious! I finally tell you that I have been in love with you for a long time and you say that you feel the same way, then we are just going to talk about this later!" I said looking at you in disbelief. You smiled at me. "aw you're so cute when you're mad" you laughed.
It was dark when we reached the house. We just sat there for a while. "..so can we talk now?" I asked you as I turned to face you. "talk about what?" you said in a joking voice. You then open the door and ran to the house. I sat there for a second then I ran after you and you opened the front door and ran inside. As I rushed inside after you, you glanced behind at me with a smile on your face as you ran up the stairs. That's the kind I Kadin I knew. He just found his smile. I smile back. I followed you as you rushed into my room, then stop in the middle of the room. I ran towards you and we laugh.
You then pulled me closer to you. You pulled my face closer to yours and looked straight into my eyes as you said "I really do love you Liv", you then pulled me even closer to you.. I let myself go. Our lips meet and the butterflies in my stomach go wild and my heart pounds against my chest. It was only for a second then we just looked into each other's eyes. You still pull me close. Was this too early even though we' know everything about each other? I've been longing for this moment for a long time but were we going too fast? I've never thought I would hold back. "Kadin?..." I said as I finally pulled away from your hands. "yes?" you asked as I stared into your blue eyes. "do you think we... are moving kinda fast?.." I said uncertainty in my voice. Your eyes went from sparkling to sadness. I could tell that you thought that I might be changing my mind. "Liv, we've known each other since 1st grade. If anything, we are moving a little slow." you said. I looked broke away from the stare. I couldn't look you in the eyes when I could see that your heart was broken and it was my fault you felt pain. My heart ached as we stood there in silence.
"Liv?" Kadin said awkwardly as he put one of his hands on the back of his neck. "yeah?" I asked as we broke the once silent air. "I uh know this is a bad timing but..um.. before we went to dinner.. you kinda promised me that you would help me with...." he said as I realized I promised to help him with the paperwork for this house. "the paperwork" we said in union. "let me get into some comfy clothes first though" I said shooing him out of my room. I pull the long blue hoodie on and some small shorts while you get the paperwork from your room down the hall. When I'm done I open the door to let him in. We sit on my bed and he was like a little confused puppy. Sometimes he'd even tilt his head sideways to try and understand it. We just messed around with each other after a little while since he got bored and still couldn't understand it. We completely forgot about the awkwardness from before. Just then Kadin's phone rang and he picked it up. "Be right back" he mouthed/whispered to me as he picked up his phone and saw the number. He got up from the bed and walked out of my room and into his. I could barely hear him talking to however called but I could tell he was surprised to hear this person call. I decided to work on the paperwork again. I smile as my mind slips to him tilting his head in confusion.
He always knew how to make me laugh and cheer me up. Especially when it was a tough time for me in 9th grade. When my parents fought with each other so often that I got used to the loud screams and the noise of things breaking. I was used to being caught in the middle of a fight and ducking for cover and out of the way as they threw glasses and plates and I was used to getting cuts and bruises. I would try to avoid coming home to another fight. I would spend time with my friends and tell them that my parents were working till late and I didn't want to be alone at home. I would make excuses if they wanted to finally see my house. I would try my best so that nobody would find out about what was going on at home.

~ One day Kadin saw me covering up a very bad cut and asked what happened. I lied and said I tripped and fell while carrying a glass plate and landed on one of the broken pieces that shattered from the plate. I actually got caught in the middle of a fight again and my dad threw a heavy glass plate onto the floor. It shattered everywhere and a big piece flew at me. I covered my face with my arms and it hit my arm instead of the close call target of my left eye. I then tried to get past them and get to my room but my mom accidentally hit me and I fell and landed on another piece of the broken plate in the same spot as the first one hit. He was skeptical since he knew that I was clumsy but not that clumsy to fall and hurt myself that bad. He tried to figure out what actually happened and why I would lie about it. One day he invited me over to his house after school and I accepted the invite since I avoided coming home earlier until I really needed to.
I had not yet been to his house but only our other friend's house. There was me, Reata, Molly, Will, Blake, and Kadin. It was our little friend group and I enjoyed spending time with them. Reata and Kadin were the ones I was closest to. We just talked and helped each other with homework. ~

Kadin walked back into my room. I snapped back from the past and looked up at him smiling excitedly. "What happened and who was that?" I asked curiously. "oh well nothing special except that I've been trying to get the group back together for a get together" he said as my jaw dropped. I hadn't seen Molly since she moved away and Reata moved once high school was over. I couldn't believe it! I jumped up and hugged Kadin. He was smiling at my reaction of the good news. I slightly blushed as I felt awkward. I started to back up when Kadin pulled me back to him. We stared into each other's eyes for a while. We started to move our heads toward each other's slowly.