Clutching my notebook,
the reference book The Essential Guide to Hogwarts Portraiture, my
pockets overflowing with quills, ink bottles, and a special note, I hesitantly
make my way to a hall most students hope never to have to be summoned to, and
stop before an intimidating looking Gargoyle. Pausing, I bite my lip, then
remember, flustered, that I have a permission note. Unfolding it, I clear my
throat.

“Uhm, excuse me, Mr.
Gargoyle, I have here a note signed by Professor Aolen giving me permission to
enter the Headmaster’s office at this time to conduct an interview with
Headmaster Fortescue’s portrait…”



Silence. I take a step back, shuffling my feet a little. Oh! I smile. “I almost
forgot.” I look back at the password scribbled below it Professor Aolen’s
calligraphic signature. “Yellow Snow Cones..?” Really?

The Gargoyle yawned,
and looked at me. “Yes, you are expected. You have fifteen minutes, after which
you will be expected to return to class. I don’t need to remind you that you
are not to touch anything, I’m sure.”

Murmuring my
assurances, I heaved a sigh of relief when he ground to the side, revealing the
staircase that I hastily traversed. My hesitance had caused me to be a minute
late and I wasn't sure if the Headmaster’s portrait would be offended. Entering
the Headmaster’s Office felt like forbidden territory and I once again
questioned my decision making process that led me to choose this particular
portrait. Stepping in, I counted the portraits, most vacant or taking a
mid-morning nap. Three down, I stopped before the portrait of an older
gentleman, who looked quite serene as he stared out the open window across from
his portrait.

“Excuse me, Headmaster
Fortescue?”

The ancient wizard
turned his head and inclined it slightly, as if he were considering my
presence. “You are the student who wished to interview me, I assume?”



“Yes sir. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity.”



“Nonsense, it’s quite a novelty for a student to want to talk to me. Have a
seat, child, let’s hear your questions.”

Quickly taking the
offered stool that had been placed near the portrait, probably for my use, I opened
my notebook and drew a quill from my pocket. “Thank you, sir. I’m going to be
taking notes as we go, is that alright?”

“Quite, quite.”

Interview with a
Portrait: Headmaster Dexter Fortescue (Transcript)

Me: What is your name
sir?

Portrait: Headmaster
Dexter Fortescue.

Me: Thank you. Uhm,
excuse me for asking, sir, but how old are you?



Fortescue: Tut tut, that’s rather rude… I assume you have to ask though, hm? If
you count my time alive, I was 112 when I passed on. If you add in my time as a
Portrait, I am 131, and if you are asking how long my portrait has been in
existence, the answer for that would be 24 years.

Me: Interesting. I
notice that your portrait has been around for longer than you’ve been, well,
passed on. I thought that Headmaster Portrait were only hung after the
Headmaster is deceased. Where were you hung before that?

Fortescue: Ah, well,
Headmasters have their portraits done when they start to feel old. I was hung
at my home, if you’ll excuse the confusing pronouns, for 5 years before I died.
We had many conversations, as Headmaster Fortescue wanted to make sure that I
carried on his legacy and used his knowledge and experience to provide
assistance to future Headmasters, which I hope that I have.

Me: That’s wonderful.
Can you tell me about a time where you were able to help a Headmaster since?

Fortescue: Oh,
multiple times. I guess the most interesting time would be during the second
coming of He Who Was Rarely Named – you know, Lord Voldemort. Headmaster
Dumbledore was one of the most receptive Headmasters since my passing to advice
and counsel from his predecessors, and he often bounced ideas off of us with
his many schemes and plans to keep Riddle from taking over the place. I was
actually the one that encouraged him to include Harry in the hunt for
Horcruxes. The boy had more than proved himself after that ordeal at the
ministry and the way he dealt with that horrible woman, Umbridge. I think it
was one of my better ideas. The other Headmasters will tell you that I don’t
know what’s going on and that I can’t hear but I can hear very well, thank you.




(Fortescue waved his earhorn at me, which he has been using the entire time)

Me: Wow! It’s so
interesting to learn that portraits have so much input on major events. That’s
incredible.

Fortescue: Well, not
to sound like I’m tooting my own horn (here he pretends to toot his earhorn, I
smile weakly at the attempt at humor) but, that’s kind of what we are here for.
It’s not just for posterity, you know.

Me: Do you have any
pastimes, here at Hogwarts?

Fortescue: Well, my
dear, there’s an interesting portrait on the third floor that a student hung,
it originally contained a poker table with dogs playing cards, of all things.
Well naturally as soon as it was enchanted and hung, the dogs left and now
rove the more nature-centric portraits in a pack, tormenting those who have
allergies and barking at intruders. We headmasters like to take over that
abandoned portrait in the wee hours once everyone’s asleep, and I’ve gotten
quite good at Texas Hold Them.”



Me: Oh! I think you mean Texas Hold’em, Headmaster.

Fortescue: Don’t
correct me, child, I know what I’m talking about. It’s definitely Texas Hold
Them.

Me: Yes sir, sorry.
Uhm, I noticed when I was preparing for my school year here that there is an
Ice Cream Parlor in Diagon Alley named Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour. Is
Florean Fortescue any relation to you?

Fortescue: Well,
obviously, child, my name is not that common and the wizarding community is small.
They really need to teach more logic in this school. Florean is my grandson,
and he seems to be something of a disappointment to his parents. They were
hoping for another Headmaster, and got a distributor of sweets. I personally
applauded his choice. He was excellent at Potions in school and he applied that
ability to combine ingredients to create ice cream that includes flavorless
potions that relax stressed parents and students, provide nourishment for
children that perhaps ruin their suppers on his sweets, and create happiness.
He has always enjoyed talking with his customers, and helping his younger
customers with their homework as they study in his Parlour. He enjoys what he
does and he’s good at it, and I’m proud of him for it.

Me: I never knew that
about his ice cream, although it explains a lot. I had a blueberry pomegranate
sherbet and it was delicious but also left me feeling satisfied and happy. I
thought it was just because of how much I like sweets.

Fortescue: It was
probably a combination of the both, my dear. Is he looking well?

Me: Oh, I think so. He
seemed happy.

Fortescue: Well that’s
good. If you happen to see him again, tell him I said hello and to get a wife
already, he’s not getting any younger.

Me: Er, yes sir, I’ll
definitely do that.

Fortescue: (seems to
be dozing off now, jerks awake at the sudden lull in conversation). Well? Are
we done yet? Not that I’m hurrying you dear, but we had a late poker game last
night and I am really late for my morning nap…

Me: Oh, yes sir! Just
one more question, if I may?

Fortescue: Well, get
on with it then!

Me: Yes sir. Uhm, what
subject did you teach at Hogwarts before you were appointed Headmaster, and do
you have any advice for students of that course now?

Fortescue: Quite! I
taught Arithmancy before I took up the position of Headmaster in 1987. I
recognize that this subject is probably not taught in your year yet…what are
you, first? Second?

Me: Second year, sir.

Fortescue: Just so.
But for students interested in taking that course in the future, I encourage
you to pursue arithmetic until you are ready to begin. Muggleborn children often
have the advantage as they come to Hogwarts with a great deal more foundation
than those raised in wizarding homes, but there are plenty of books about it in
the library, I encourage anyone interested in the subject to achieve a basic
understanding of addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, and
elementary algebra. In Arithmancy we deal with a lot of equations, and while
having a foundation in numbers will not help you with the numerology portion of
the course, it will help you grasp the way they fit together more quickly and
thoroughly.

Me: Yes sir! Thank you
for the advice, as I do plan to take that once it becomes available for me.

Fortescue: It’s always
good to see a student eager and willing to learn. Not that I wish to rush you,
child, but I am falling asleep and you need to return to class.

Me: Yes sir, thank you
for your time and for answering all of my questions.

Fortescue: Thank you,
dear, for taking the initiative to interview me. Good luck with your endeavors.

Me: Good luck with
your poker!

(As I leave the
office, I hear him chuckling, cut off by a snore as his head promptly droops,
the ear horn falling to the ground, out of sight).

I put my quills, ink
bottle, and notebook away and dust my robes off as I exit the
Headmaster’s Office, feeling much more confident than I did starting. It was
truly amazing, talking to a portrait that contained the knowledge and
experience of someone so much older than myself. I now find myself wanting to
take advantage of having a conversation with some of the other portraits around
the castle. But first, I need to turn in this note and return to class to clean
up these notes and turn in my interview.