If I ask you what your biggest fear is, you’re probably gonna say something like clowns or snakes or spiders. But I won’t. I’m not afraid of such things. My biggest fear in life is not hights or bugs or death. Frankly, I’m not afraid of death at all. I often wonder what it would be like if I just died right now, you know? What if I just ran in front of a car, or jumped of a cliff? But it doesn't scare me at all. Actually, being a part of gen z has made me grow up to not be scared of death, to the point where I don’t care. Of course there have been other factors, but I’m not here to discuss them right now.

So what was I saying again? Oh, yes. So my biggest fear is being forgotten. When I am gone, I don’t expect everyone to remember me. But I hope someone will. If I go by choice or not, old or not, painful or not, I still want to be remembered. I want my name to be said. I want my death to be meaningful to someone. I want someone to care about me not being here anymore. And maybe leaving this world is the only way someone will care. Maybe someone will actually be sad that I’m gone. I know it sounds selfish, but I can’t help but think. Would the world be a better place without me? The answer is, it really only matters to the ones closest to me. I am a really tiny pice of something really big. So to the world, me being gone would not mean a thing. The empty space would be filled in in an instant. So, am I important? No. So why be here? I ask myself often.

These are dark thoughts. And you might be thinking, why these dark thoughts? The truth is, once you start, you can’t really stop. Once the dark thoughts come, the don’t leave. They are always there in the back of your head. And they haunt you for the rest of your life. And I have been holding on to life, despite these thoughts for quite a few years now. And I don’t know how much longer I can take. But I want to do something big. Something to make people remember me. Something to make them say MY name. Something revolutionary. Something that will be written in history. Something they will learn about in school in a hundred years from now. Something great.

So when I sit down and think. Really think through it, I come to this conclusion.

When I leave this place, I want to be remembered. By the world. By the people who know me. By the people I love. And it all comes down to ME. I hold the key to my life. My future. And nothing’s gonna stop me, but myself.