Every NEWT level student was submitted to rigorous questioning on our first Defence Against the Dark Arts class with Professor Umbridge. We had to take it in turns to visit her office whilst the rest read from a very boring Beginners Basics Book. You may know that she used Veritaserum in the questioning of students when it came around to asking them things about Harry Potter and his friends. I thought it would be fun to imagine what the same interview would have been like if I had been under the influence of Veritaserum…

HAVE SOME TEA.

NAME? It's Louisa

AH HA, WELL I WOULD PREFER, AS YOU WELL KNOW, LOUISA, A FULL NAME AND FOR YOU TO FINISH WITH PROFESSOR UMBRIDGE. UNDERSTAND? …er… yes Professor Umbridge.

SO, YOUR NAME? Sarah Louisa Snape-Riddle, Professor Umbridge.

NOW, AS I SAY, I DO SO WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL THE STUDENTS HERE. (I could feel a burning in my throat).

SO WHY DON’T WE START BY GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER A LITTLE BETTER.

TELL ME, WHY DID YOU CHOOSE DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS AT NEWT LEVEL? Well, Professor Umbridge, it’s my favourite subject and I got an O in my OWL.

YES, BUT WHAT SORT OF JOB DO YOU WANT TO DO LATER ON? HAVE YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THAT?
Yes, I have, Professor Umbridge, and I have the scores to become an Auror or something in Potions

HMM… AND HOW DO YOUR PARENTS FEEL?
I’m sorry Professor Umbridge?

HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT YOU CONTINUING ON IN DEFENCE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS? WORRIED NO DOUBT.
I don’t know Professor Umbridge.

YOU DON’T KNOW! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW!
I imagine my father is happy, although he is not as keen on the defence element. My mother… I don’t remember. I’m afraid I cannot give a reply in her stead.

NOT KEEN ON DEFENCE?
No Professor. I believe that Voldemort prefers to attack, however as long as I have a keen interest in the Dark Arts, such as he did himself, I imagine that he is quite happy.

NOW SEE HERE!!! VOLDEMORT IS NOT BACK. DETENTION FOR LIES!!! MISS… MISS…
Miss Snape, Miss Riddle or Miss Voldemort. Whichever takes your fancy at the time. Miss Umbridge. It really has been delightful speaking to you. When I see my father, I will ask him to call upon you personally considering the trouble that you are causing. I’m sure that he has a few spare Death Eaters that will be able to call upon you if he is too busy. Shall I see myself out? Turning as I exit. He is back I saw him would you like me to inform the ministry of your use of veritaserum. I believe my uncle brewed it a few days ago no?