There are times I look at my daughter, with her father and wonder if that could have been me. They are very close. She is so loyal to him. Sometimes I look at her and I can see myself being loyal to my father. Understanding him, trying to be a good daughter. The other day I tried to write a letter to him. To get him to understand.
Father.

The blood is shed now. Yours, theirs, everyone’s. People will think me mad but after all of this, all the hurt, all the pain, the death and destruction, I miss you. I am still, and will always be your little girl.

I wasn’t naïve enough to think that you’d come back for good, don’t think that of me. But I was naïve to underestimate the pain that your death would bring to me and the things it has caused me to do, to say.

I was just getting to know the person you are and to see the man I’m sure she saw. I was just getting used to that.

Like every person I have ever met you have your flaws, your downfalls, but many of them were not caused by you. You are a product of other mistakes, other misfortunes.

I have seen you and known you at very different times of your life, and yet to me you are my father. I am the only one that will never leave you despite the way you look or act. I am the one that hates you with one breath and hugs you in the next.

Life as a death eater may not have been a choice I would have made, but I saw what life was like with a father.

Sometimes it wasn’t what I had imagined. I saw what the Malfoys had and thought it would be like that, but it wasn’t. it was far from it. The thing is, in some weird twisted way I actually enjoyed the way you loved me. I was getting used to being loved by a father. It didn’t seem to matter that you wanted to kill people, to hurt people.

How much did you feel threatened by Severus? When he was able to be more of a father to me than you were was it hard? I guess it must have been, but neither of you are here now to ask. Neither of you can help me heal. Because you are the reason I am hurting.

If you were truly here, I would love you and hold you. I would feel safe.

But the rug has been pulled from under my feet. I can’t hold on. The most important thing that I need to say to you is that I love you, that I miss you.

I will always be your girl and if only you could have seen the amount of love, I was trying so hard to give to you perhaps you would have been capable of seeing life a little differently. I was getting used to being some you loved.

It was nice. It felt right. I wish you could have loved more.

Love extends all things good and bad right, and wrong.

Love Your Daughter.