First of all: Hi, I'm Hazel... blah, blah, blah, I haven't written a book in a while so I'm sorry if this sucks.

Now, let's get down to business. To my friends: I'm sorry if I might have worried you. Last night was tough. I was feeling perfectly fine one second... and the next I was feeling more hurt than I've ever felt. I don't know what brought it on, but I wasn't feeling like myself. I might of posted a few worrying things...

1. Here Goes, better throw my hand in... wish me happy landing... all I gotta do is jump

Don't worry, those are lyrics to a song.

2. Hi... I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore... I feel like I’m just staggering through each day... I barely notice or care about what I say or do anymore... I’m completely and utterly empty. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel anything again... I’m living life one day at a time... I don’t know what I’m doing, why I’m bothering, how I keep going... I just don’t know. I don’t feel anything except pain on occasion. I don’t trust anyone but at the same I trust everyone and then people hurt me. I can’t go on, but I have to for my friends, for my family. I WANT to keep going... but it’s so... hard... I’m fading away, I’m slowly losing myself to the pain and darkness that consumes me. One of these days I’ll wake up, and I just won’t be there...

I think that was the first time I fully poured my heart out, I put all my feelings into writing.


So, I just wanted to explain to all of my friends and anyone who might care. And I wanted to say that I'm sorry if I worried you. But please, don't worry about me. It makes me feel like people care, and I don't really like that feeling. I'm not used to that feeling. I prefer when people make me the monster, make me seem like a bad person, because then people don't like me, and they don't care. I'm not used to it, so I don't have what it takes to understand and deal with it. Even if it's something as simple and lovely as people caring about me.