Hello everyone. I love a guy and I am here to tell you that it is the SCARIEST THING EVER. But sometimes it pays off.  

It all started on a rainy Tuesday afternoon about one year ago... Why do all these things seem to start on rainy Tuesdays? I'd known him for months, but that day he walked into math like a summer breeze. I didn't know then that it would escalate into a year long infatuation. He was brunette, with beautiful eyes, and a kind soul. He's one of the only people in my life I've ever met that seems to have a visible aura of light around him as he walks. He was smart and funny and my best friend. So why did I suddenly see him differently? Why did my heart pound when his eyes met mine? We'd spoken like normal people the day before, and suddenly now my mind was scrambling for something, anything to say.

I went home that night in a state of shock. I didn't know I could like him. Sure, he was smart and funny and kind and caring and had a wonderful personality and was really attractive and was everything I ever wanted in a guy.... who was I kidding? I'd fallen for him. HARD. 

 I regained my ability to speak normally with him the next day, but my mind was still tied in knots. The more time I spent with him, the more reasons I found to like this guy. He loved music and he was in band with me and he understood things. I felt myself being dragged deeper and deeper into this crush.

 We went to band camp together and I felt myself drawn to him the entire time like a moth to a flame. We spent the whole camp playing cards and laughing and making jokes and talking about life and everything and nothing all at the same time. I first realized I loved him watching the lights of the movie playing across his face as he laughed at one of the jokes in the fading sunset light.

 I thought I was over my crush when school started up again and I saw him. He was still the guy I fell for, and my heart fluttered in my chest, beating stronger strains of old love. Throughout our friendship, I had told him a few fake crushes when he asked, because I never was able to say it was him. I loved him then and I love him now. 

He invited me to go to his property up in the mountains with some of our other friends, so of course I said yes. As his dad drove us all up the canyon, we talked about our fandoms and our lives. When we got out of the car, I was in one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen. The sky was everywhere and the bluest blue you can imagine. It felt like all the world was there and everything was right. We spent the day hiking and climbing trees and shooting at a target. He was at home here, and for some reason it made me love him even more. When night fell, it got cold and he gave me one of his extra hoodies he'd brought. We all curled up on the ground to stare at the stars. I swear to you all the stars there are brighter and there are more of them than I have seen anywhere before or since in my life. I spent a lot of that time wanting to curl into his arms and hold him, but I knew I could not tell him I loved him. He would never like me back; I had no chance with a guy like him.

 After returning home, I found that I couldn't get him out of my head. He was stuck there like a favorite song. 

I was riding the bus home from school one day and the girl next to me was telling me about how mcuh she liked him. I said, "Yeah, he's a great guy, he's my best friend." She replied, "He can be your best friend, but he will be MY boyfriend." For some reason I became extremely jealous and terrified. I couldn't lose him to this girl who didn't know what it was to spend months trying to find a way to tell him, thinking about him, crying because I would never have a chance with him. I decided I HAD to tell him. I couldn't wait any longer. I've never since looked down on that decision. 

I've been in a relationship with him for five months, and I've never been happier. I love this guy with all my heart and I have to tell you all it is the most terrifying thing that I have ever done. My advice for you is this: don't be afraid to say you love someone. Chances are, they feel the same way. And if they don't, you move on. Life is full of lessons and blessings, some people are both. I am grateful every day for my love and for my friends and the people in my life. I haven't had the easiest life but in the end it's been worth it. It pays off to fight through the negative things in the world, because then you get to the positives.