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This will be an annually updated magazine/news source created by a specific Writing club. If you are interested in joining either the writing team, the editors, or you prefer to do comics, owl Rowan Blackclaw.
Editor in Chief: Rowan Blackclaw
2nd in Command and Head Artist: Joanna Quinn
Last Updated
05/31/21
Chapters
11
Reads
4,485
July 26Th
Chapter 4
art by Joanna Quinn
Firebolt v. Thunderbolt- Safety Sacrificed for Speed By Rubi Vargas Edited by Denise Crume Broomsticks are the worst-kept secret of the wizarding world as all Muggle lore and tales, no matter how increasingly inaccurate, have always depicted witches to be riding atop broomsticks. Since its invention, broomsticks have had a myriad of uses aside from beating kneazles away from your garden. The most popular, and least dangerous, sport played using broomsticks is Quidditch, a sport which, unlike Quodpot, actually caught on in most countries (America does not count as most countries since they appear to be the only ones who like Quodpot). Because of that, broom manufacturers are fiercely competitive as they try to out-due one another when it comes to the speed of their products. Most notable is the competition between the Firebolt and the Thunderbolt, whose feud runs so deep that it is akin to that of the Capulets and the Montagues (a famous Muggle play about the creepy romance of two teenagers different in age in the fair city of Verona). The Firebolt swept the market back in its initial release in 1993, but since then has not released a new model. Even so, it remains the preferred broom of most professional Quidditch teams. Despite this the Thunderbolt VII has come thundering in to try to upstage the Firebolt, with little success. However, the main issue that may strike down the Thunderbolt is the safety regulations that have been compromised in favor of speed. This issue was brought up in Japan v. Nigeria when Nigerian Seeker, Samuel Equiano, had his broom tail shattered by a bludger, nearly resulting in his death. Not only did it cost Nigeria the victory, but the risk of Equiano's life has put the Thunderbolt's safety under question. Most broomsticks are made in order to withstand common mishaps such as bludgers, rabid chimeras, and angry bowtruckles. A thorough investigation is underway concerning the lack of safety of Thunderbolts. Even so, there's some shocking rumors concerning other broom companies. For example, Firebolts are low in stock due to the frequent goblin strikes as parts of the broom have goblin crafted iron. This may be due to the low wages and horrible conditions, but rumors have attributed the strikes to the horrid music played in the factory. Additionally, various brooms such as the Cleansweeps and the all-but-extinct Silver Arrows have had similar scandals, some of which were covered up with the aid of Memory Charms and threat of doxy attacks. The rumors range from petty things such as the addition of a hazel twig to a supposedly completely ash broom, to the more serious issues such as the endangering of Wrackspurts and illegal use of Puffskein fur. Haitian Mascot Conspiracy By Rubi Vargas Edited by Denise Crume In the 2014 Quidditch World Cup all teams were responsible for bringing along a mascot not only to represent their country, but to also provide moral support for their team. Therefore, the rumors of the Haitian team bringing along a group on Inferi as their mascots merely to intimidate the other teams was put down as “preposterous” and “cockamamie.” Until the opening ceremony when it proved to be true. Despite the 300 casualties and many injuries, Haiti was not disqualified (they later were for an illegal snitch capture in their match against Brazil). However, what really begs the question is how Haiti was able to transport the Inferi to the Patagonian Desert. After a thorough investigation with the aid of a reliable poltergeist and niffler, we have managed to drag up the answer. Apparently, the Inferi were safely transported as simple corpses via a boat of Muggle transportation so as to avoid detect from the magical community (the Muggles, we have discovered, had been Befuddled to keep things a secret and were unable to comment). The corpses were later reanimated once they arrived at the desert, having been delivered once again by Muggle transportation, this time a train. Even so, the Haitian manager, Myou Hollant, denied involvement in the production of the corpses and reanimation, and was simply “responsible for the transportation.” Furthermore, the Haitian team denies all knowledge of this set-up. The identity of the wizards and witches fully responsible for this remains unknown, and the information provided from the poltergeist concerning this clashed with that of the niffler. Hollant has sent out a formal apology for the incident, stating: "I never meant for this to happen. I simply wanted to make us stand out and outshine the other mascots. You know, scare the other teams a little only to have the Inferi perform a synchronized dance after that. I was so sure we could handle the Inferi, but I was mistaken." Hollant was mainly responsible for subduing the Inferi as most of the magizoologists were preoccupied by the Norwegian Sulma and the Fijian Dukuwaqa, as well as the assault by the Brazilian Curupira that followed. Additionally, the inferi, who are capable of speech, are currently being questioned and will be facing judgment unless they yield the identities of the people involved. |
Divine Divinations: Ouija and Spirit Boards
by Luna Alexander
edited by Denise Crume
A form of divination surrounded by the most urban muggle legends is the Ouija Board. Also known as a spirit board or talking board, it is used with a planchette to spell out messages from the beyond. The board itself contains the numbers 0-9, the alphabet, and usually words like "hello" and "goodbye" along with varying symbols. The planchette is usually heart shaped, and users place their fingertips on it so that whoever is speaking through the board can spell out their message.
Commercially introduced into the Muggle world in 1890, it was sold as a simple board game. That is until a muggle spiritualist began promoting it as a divination tool. This has prompted a plethora of outlandish theories as to who speaks through these spirit boards. Muggles have blamed ghosts, demons, angels, gods and every form of spiritual being in between.
The truth of the matter is far less mystical or heartwarming. The real "voice" on the other end of these spirit boards is poltergeists. Poltergeists have been using Ouija boards to mess with Muggles for over a hundred years. Due to the stark separation of the magical and muggle worlds, they are able to use this outlet to convince muggles that "magic" is real without risking actual exposure to our society.
As most of the wizarding community knows, poltergeists are not actually ghosts. They delight in causing mischief and chaos but generally do not take a physical or "human-shaped" form. Poltergeists were never humans, so they do not have a sense of sympathy on the muggles they terrorize. These irritating spirits are able to exploit the Ouija board as another means to create chaos - besides breaking things, writing rude messages on walls, or being otherwise disruptive. This form is especially disconcerting because it impacts the Muggles emotional well-being. They use these spirit boards to attempt to reach deceased loved ones, angels, or other beings - and instead, they get a pesky poltergeist telling them Merlin-knows-what.
Poltergeists are not reliable seers, nor do they ever tell the truth, so divination is out of the question. The wizarding community generally ignores Ouija/spirit boards as a divination tool for this very reason. Poltergeists cannot be forced out of a location they have decided to haunt, so no witch or wizard with half a brain wants to invite that burden into their home. Witches and Wizards beware - a poltergeist is not a happy house guest.
In the next issue of The Quibbler, we'll be wrapping up our fourth and final installment of Divine Divinations!
Ask Ivy! Pumpkin Pasties
Written by Ivy Nettlebed
Edited by Joanna Quinn
Has your nettle tea lost its sting? Is your hot chocolate shivering? Then it’s time to Ask Ivy!
Greetings my dear friends! How are you all dealing with the summer heat? If like me you are using an ice cube charm to cool your feet then this recipe is for you. This week’s treat was recommended by Ashley Mac[Rea] who is the Club Leader over at Wizarding Culinary Arts (#25,107). Tiggy and I are absolutely in love with these delicious little pasties and we hope you will enjoy them too.
Pumpkin Pasties by Kristen Goddard
Here's what you'll need:
- pumpkin pie filling, prepared pie crust pastry, enough for one 9-inch pie
- For the filling, you can buy the pumpkin pie filling kit near the cake kits in the grocery store. Follow the directions on the back of the can to prepare the filling, using a clear baking dish (it won’t cook as well if you use the darker pans, it burns a bit on the sides)
- For the crust, you can use your own recipe or take another shortcut and buy it pre-made. I bought the Pillsbury refrigerated crusts - my new favorite baking staple.
Using a fire charm preheat your oven to 425 degrees
Prepare the pumpkin pie filling and pour it into a large, ovenproof dish (the crust will come later). Let it bake for 15 minutes then reduce the temperature to 350 degrees and bake for another 45 minutes or so. When a knife inserted in the center comes out clean, take it out and let it cool on a rack. Once the filling has cooled down a bit and you're ready to make your pasties, heat the oven to 400 degrees. Grease or use parchment paper to line a baking sheet. Thinly roll out the pie crust and cut into 4-inch circles. (The circles should be pretty thin, but not see through). If you don't have a cookie cutter, use a wide drinking glass.
Spoon a small bit of pumpkin pie filling onto each pastry circle (a little more than a heaping teaspoon). Fold the crust over, forming a little pocket and seal the edges with a fork. Using a sharp knife, give the top a few steam vents. Lightly brush each pasty with an egg wash and sprinkle with sugar. Or leave them plain, totally your call. I leave them plain and put a bit of whipped cream (canned) on them when I eat them. Bake for 8-10 minutes or until the crusts are golden brown. Let them cool down. These are good hot or cold, I especially like them for breakfast straight from the refrigerator.
Article Title: Seven Amateur Quidditch Players to Look Out for Next Season: Part 2 Written by: Jenny Harper Edited by: Shelby Hastings This week we continue our profiles of some of the key amateur Quidditch players to look out for next season. These players all may have taken different paths into the world of Quidditch, however they are united by a passion for the sport, a passion which may not have been awoken until relatively late, for some even after they have left school, Pierre Gautier – Chaser (Chepstow Cardinals) Another player who previously had no Quidditch experience, Jean grew up near La Tranche Sur Mer, a small town in the Pays de la Loire region of France and graduated from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic in France in 2011. During his school career, he had little interest in Quidditch, instead focusing on his academic studies, and had never even watched a game. A year later, he moved to Britain. After travelling around the country, staying in various youth hostels, Pierre found himself in Godric’s Hollow where he found employment working in a café. It was during one of his days off several months later that he first discovered Quidditch. Taking an afternoon walk, Pierre left the village. Before long, he stumbled across a group of young teenagers playing a game Quidditch. He was instantly captivated by the fast pace of the sport and the agility and speed shown by the players. He started studying the sport in his spare time, reading Quidditch Through the Ages as well as a range of other Quidditch related books and magazines. Pierre jumped at the opportunity when he read in a local wizarding paper that the Cardinals were holding trials and though sheer enthusiasm and passion, managed to win a place in the team, despite his lack of experience. In his first season playing Quidditch, Pierre managed to adapt to the new sport, despite a rocky start, which saw a number of his passes intercepted. Nevertheless, a determination to improve as a player and a fantastic work ethic during training meant that the Cardinals kept faith with their raw chaser. Their faith was repaid in the second half of the season, as Pierre began to show some of his promise. His pass completion rate rose by a whole 18% in the second half of the season, while Pierre also began to find the back of the hoop, scoring seven goals in the Cardinal’s victory against the Holybourne Hornets. The Chepstow Cardinals will be hoping Pierre will be able to continue his form at the end of the season into next season Chrisy O’Niell – Chaser (Ballybunion Blazers) Chrisy is another Hogwarts graduate. She played for her house team (Ravenclaw) in her second and third year, before a severe injury in a match against Gryffindor kept her out for the rest of the year. By the time she returned, she had lost her place in the team and thus decided to focus on her studies for the rest of her Hogwarts career. She graduated in 2011 and returned to Ireland. She spent the next year working in a florist (she was a keen herbologist during her time at Hogwarts) before she saw an announcement in the local wizarding newspaper that the local amateur side the Ballybunion Blazers would be hosting trials. Encouraged by her sister, Chrisy tried out and impressed enough to be signed up. The following season, Chrisy regained some of the form which she had shown while at Hogwarts and made a promising debut season in amateur Quidditch, being in the top 10 for highest passing completion within the Ireland Quidditch League. It was last season, however, where she really came into her own, leading her team to comprehensive wins against Carryduff Cyclones and Kilkeel Kings. During the match against Carryduff Cyclones, Chrisy made everyone sit up and take-notice as she made a stunning 80-yard pass, resulting in a goal for the Blazers. She finished the season with the top passing completion rate in the league, and was even called up as a reserve for the Ireland Quidditch squad. Although she did not make the final cut, this still represented a tremendous moment for Ballybunion Blazers’ leading chaser. Jane McIntosh – Goalkeeper (Kirkwall Knights) As a Muggle-born, Jane practiced another sport as she was growing up. She played football (or soccer) for her local side as a goalkeeper. During this time, she helped her side to the league title on two separate occasions. At Hogwarts, it would seem likely that her experience of playing soccer would set her in good stead for playing Quidditch, however the game felt so different to the game she knew and loved that she did not make an immediate transition, although she continued to play football during the school holidays. In her sixth year, one of her friends managed to finally convince her to try out for the house Quidditch team. Jane showed some raw potential, but with her experience lying in football and not Quidditch, she was unable to make the team. Nevertheless, Jane realized that there was some overlap between being a Quidditch and a football goalkeeper. Once Jane graduated Hogwarts, she returned to her native Kirkwell in the Orkneys. There she found out that the local side the Kirkwell Knights were holding trials. With a greater awareness of how her football experience could be applied to the sport of Quidditch, this time she was more successful and was signed by the Scottish side. In her first season in Knights colors, Jane’s quick reflexes and ability to predict the flight of the quaffle, honed by years of playing football, meant she was somewhat successful. Although the team were not that successful and finished the season with more losses than wins, in a number of matches, it was only the goalkeeping of Jane which kept the score line from becoming embarrassing for the Kirkwell Knights. Andronicus Constantilov – Beater (Haverfordwest Hawks) Andronicus was a highly successful member of the Slytherin Quidditch team, and played a number of games for the side between 2011 and 2012, helping Slytherin to the house championship in 2011. In 2012, Andronicus played against Sinead O’Callaghan in a match which some labeled as a clash between two of Hogwarts’s top beaters. This match saw both the Slytherin and Hufflepuff Seekers face a torrent of bludgers, directed by Sinead and Andronicus. Unfortunately, before the final match of 2012, there was big argument among the team, for reasons not entirely known for those not privy to the argument. Bitter words were exchanged leading to Andronicus and several other players being dropped from the team. Slytherin managed to win the final match to secure a 2nd place finish as Ravenclaw won the house championship. Due to the bitter situation, which arose in the previous year, Andronicus did not play for the Slytherin team in his final year at Hogwarts and so was not recruited by any professional teams and had little interest in playing after he graduated Hogwarts. However, a year after graduating, Andronicus began to feel a desire to get back into Quidditch and so decided to try out for his local team, the Haverfordwest Hawks. During trials, Andronicus impressed with his ability to control the trajectory of the bludger, for example in one of the practice matches, directing the bludger with pin-point accuracy against the opposition goalkeeper to set up an easy goal for his side. Andronicus will be hoping this season that he’ll show some of the form that he showed at Hogwarts. If so, he will no doubt be a key player in the Hawk’s season.
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