LUKE (spoken)
Come on, grab some ambrosia, and let the nectar flow

PERCY (spoken)
Why is everyone scraping part of their plate into the fire?
Is the food here really that bad?

LUKE (spoken)
Offering to the gods. It's not enough that their omnipotent and all-powerful,
they need to feel appreciated. To the gods!

ENSEMBLE (spoken)
To the gods!

LUKE
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

ALL
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

LUKE
My dad is Hermes
He messengers things
You'll know his sign by his shoes with those wings
I'd wait by the phone, but the phone never rings
Oh no

[ENSEMBLE makes noises of agreement]

When your dad's a god, life can be tough
I met the guy once, and once was enough

(spoken) Annabeth?

ANNABETH
My mom's Athena
She's smart and she's wise
She's sworn off gluten and she's sworn off guys
But if she came to camp, it'd be a surprise
Oh no

LUKE AND KATIE: Oh no

Oh, and my stepmom, she hates me, and my dad works all day
So I left Virginia and I ran away

PERCY (spoken) Wait, is that true?

LUKE (spoken) Everybody!

ALL
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

LUKE
Alright, who's next?

KATIE (spoken)
Oh! Okay, let me see...

(sung)
My mom's Demeter
Goddess of grain
She gets excited when it starts to rain
But planting and planting and planting's a pain
Oh no

ENSEMBLE: Oh no

(spoken) Right?

(sung)
For their sixteenth birthday, my friends got a car
I got a fern in some dumb mason jar

GROVER (spoken) Ooh, ooh! My turn!

(sung)
I'm a child of Pan
God of the wild
For those who love nature, they're often beguiled
He's not really my dad, but I'm sort of his child...
Oh no...

ENSEMBLE: Oh no

He went for a hike to explore new frontiers
And no one has seen him for thousands of years

[GROVER Cries]

ALL
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe

Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your folks run the universe

PERCY (spoken) Chiron! Who's your dad?

CHIRON (spoken) Oh, well

(sung)
My father is Kronos
Remember my lecture
He ate his children

LUKE (spoken)
Chiron wins

[ENSEMBLE makes noises of agreement]

How about you Silena?

SILENA
The goddess of love
My mom's Aphrodite
She tries to be cool but mainly she's flighty
I'll bring home a boy, and she's there in her nightie

ENSEMBLE Oh no!

(spoken) It's so embarrassing, guys!

(sung)
I tried to seek help from even the fates
Cause she steals my mascara and all of my dates

LUKE (spoken)
Alright Percy, it's your turn

PERCY (spoken)
If I tried to sing, it'll probably cause an avalanche

LUKE (spoken)
Oh, we're all friends here. Come on, give it a shot

PERCY
My mom was named Sally
She loved scary movies
And food that was blue
And-

KATIE (spoken)
He's doing it wrong

SILENA (spoken)
Yeah, who's your godly parent?

PERCY (spoken)
Oh... I don't know

LUKE (spoken)
It's alright A lot of half-bloods never know their godly parent. Just give it a try

PERCY
So my dad is some god
That's great I guess...
Did he not want me? Or not want the stress?
Too bad he's the worst, and my life is a mess. Oh no

ENSEMBLE cheers

I hope he shows even a trace
Cause I got some choice words to throw in his face!

ALL
Oh, things couldn't be worse
When your parents run the universe
Oh, things couldn't be worse

LUKE
But I don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me

ALL
We don't care where our parents may be
As long as you are here with me
As long as you are here with me!