PERCY (spoken)
Guys, we just exploded a bus!

ANNABETH (spoken)
Yep

PERCY (spoken)
–that was being attacked by demon triplet math teachers.

ANNABETH (spoken)
Oh yeah

PERCY (spoken)
Is the whole trip going to be like this?

ANNABETH (spoken)
I hope so!

(sung)
Hades is sending his monsters after us
We're doing something right

GROVER
All our food was in there
All our clothes were in there
All our food was in there!

PERCY
Sit tight

ANNABETH
Look, I made an itinerary for any adversary
Drawn from the quests of heroes past
It's right here in my pocket

PERCY
It's where in your pocket?

ANNABETH
Oops. It got busted in the blast

PERCY
What did it say?

ANNABETH
Take that bus
To Los Angeles

PERCY
We're not on the bus

ANNABETH (spoken)
I know.

GROVER
To Los Angeles

PERCY
We blew up the bus

ANNABETH
I know!

GROVER
To Los Angeles

PERCY
So what are we supposed to do?

ANNABETH
Wait for another bus?

PERCY
What if we blow up that one too?

ALL
We're lost in the woods
Somewhere in New Jersey
And we're never gonna make it to LA
We're lost-

ANNABETH
And it's cold

GROVER
And it won't stop raining

PERCY
Let's just go

GROVER
No, not that way

ANNABETH
No backup plan

GROVER
No food

PERCY
No phone

ALL
No adult supervision

We're lost in the woods
And we'll never leave New Jersey
If none of us are making a decision!

GROVER
It's not safe to stay out here in the open
When monsters are hoping to eat us alive

PERCY
How do they know where we are
When we don't even know?
How are we gonna survive?

ANNABETH
It's your smell.

PERCY (spoken)
I don't smell.

GROVER
Dude, like listen, please
Half-bloods to monsters smell like Mickey D's

PERCY (spoken)
We smell?

GROVER
Like tacos or take-out Vietnamese

ANNABETH
So hopefully they just ate

PERCY
Fantastic gang, well
I don't wanna die in the garden state!

ALL
We're lost in the woods
Somewhere in New Jersey
And we're never gonna make it to LA

We're lost and it's dark
And I think that something's moving!
And I think it's coming this way

ANNABETH (spoken)
Is it a monster?

GROVER (spoken)
It's a squirrel

[GROVER and SQUIRREL chitter together]

PERCY (spoken)
Dude, are you talking to a squirrel?

GROVER (spoken)
Satyr powers. Be nice. This squirrel knows every corner of the woods. Maybe he can help us.

PERCY (spoken)
Really? Cause I think that seems kinda... nuts.

[SQUIRREL stops chittering]

GROVER (spoken)
You hurt his feelings. Tell the squirrel you're sorry.

PERCY (spoken)
I am not saying sorry to a squirrel.

ANNABETH (spoken)
He's very sorry. Tell the squirrel you're sorry, Percy.

PERCY (spoken)
Okay, okay, I am sorry.

[SQUIRREL resumes chittering]

PERCY (spoken)
What's he saying?

GROVER (spoken)
He says he knows where we are!

PERCY (spoken)
Where are we?

GROVER (spoken)
He says

(sung)
We're lost in the woods
Somewhere in New Jersey
And we're never gonna make it to LA

(spoken) Thanks buddy!

PERCY (spoken)
I think the gods are trying to tell me they hate me.

ANNABETH (spoken)
I'm getting that too.

PERCY
Hungry monsters on the ground

ANNABETH
Angry gods are in the sky

GROVER
No safe places to be found

ALL
Wanna run, wanna cry

PERCY
Can't go back to any home

ANNABETH
Camp is way too far away

GROVER
Can't protect my only friends

ALL
No place to go
No place to stay

We're lost in the world
And the world is freaking awful
And we're never gonna make it to LA

We're lost
We're just kids
We're alone
This is impossible

Who put the fate of the world
In the hands of
Three unprepared scared half-bloods
It's crazy

ANNABETH
So pick a direction

GROVER
It's your quest

PERCY
A direction?

ANNABETH
We trust you!

GROVER
A direction!

PERCY
A direction?

ANNABETH
A direction! Whatever you decide

PERCY
Whatever I decide

GROVER
Whatever, dude, decide

PERCY (spoken)
There! I have a good feeling about there.

AUNTIE M
Children, come inside!