LUKE
The gods are real
Like the Greek gods

ANNABETH
Like the ones you learned about
But weren't paying attention to

LUKE AND ANNABETH
Well, they don't pay attention to you, either

ALL
Especially if you're their kid

GROVER
The gods have godly things to do

GROVER AND SILENA
Godly places they need to see

CLARISSE
Godly plans they need to make
That don't include
Me

ALL
Yeah, the Gods are real
And they have kids
And those kids have
Issues
Issues

BOYS
Daddy doesn't love me
And mommy is a god

GIRLS
Mommy can't protect me
And daddy is a god

ALL
Mommy is too busy
And daddy is too busy
busy, busy, busy, busy being a god. Yeah

You never listen to me
You never listen
You never listen to me
You never listen, oh
You never listen but
Now, you're gonna listen

'Cause it's time you heard our side of the story
It's time you heard our story

PERCY (spoken) Look!

(sung)
I didn't wanna be a half-blood
I didn't ask to be a hero seeking praise

Being a half-blood, it's scary
It mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways

I didn't want to cause trouble, trouble
I'm less a player and more the played

And, honestly, I'd be totally be fine
If I could make it to the next grade, next grade

It wasn't dirty socks or my stepdad
It was danger that I smelled

The day it all went down
The day I got expelled

(spoken)
Maybe you don't know what a half-blood is because your life is normal
and happy and not constantly in danger, but my life...? Humph, Let me set the scene

(sung)
We were on this freaky field trip (ENSEMBLE: Freaky trip)
That's when this story should probably start (ENSEMBLE: Ooooh)

ALL
We were geeking out on ancient Greek
At the New York Metropolitan Museum Of Art

PERCY
We stopped by all the statues
And learned about the gods
With Mr. Brunner and my substitute, Mrs. Dodds

Hadn't done nothing wrong
Wasn't rude
Hadn't rebelled

ALL
On the day it all went down

PERCY
The day I got expelled

MR. BRUNNER (spoken)
The Greek gods! Almighty titans of earth, sea, and sky! But even they were children once.
And they didn't have it easy! Their father, Kronos,
feared the day his children would one day inherit the earth. So what did he do?
Anyone? Anyone?

MRS. DODDS (spoken)
He ate them!

MR BRUNNER (spoken)
Ah... thank you Mrs. Dodds.
But! one child, Zeus, escaped and devised a plan to rescue his brothers and sisters!
He tricked Kronos into eating a rock. And what did Kronos do? Anyone? Any student?

MRS DODDS (spoken)
He vomited them up!

PERCY
I didn't really get the story
At least it wasn't boring as I'd feared
But is it me, or is Greek mythology
Not deeply weird?
I didn't want to pay attention
(ENSEMBLE: Pay attention! Pay attention!)
Now I wish I had taken notes
But my focus is in question
And gods and indigestion caused a groan from all our throats

ENSEMBLE
Ew!

GROVER
Baaaaaaaah!

PERCY (spoken)
Dude, what was that?

GROVER (spoken)
Uh, nothing!

PERCY
My best friend was acting strange
At which he so excelled

ALL
The day it all went down

PERCY
The day I got expelled

(spoken)
Why do you have peanut butter in your hair?

GROVER (spoken)
Ask Nancy Bobofit. She's a monster! Well, not literally. I don't think.

PERCY (spoken)
She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?

GROVER (spoken)
She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you, I stopped it. With my head.

PERCY (spoken)
Grover, you're a good friend.

GROVER (spoken)
Aw... Dude. I'm your only friend.

MRS DODDS
Percy Jackson!

PERCY
I knew something was up
When I heard my name get yelled

ALL
The day it all went down-

PERCY
I saw something odd in Mrs. Dodds' frown

ALL
The day it all got weird

PERCY
The day I got expelled

MRS DODDS (spoken)
Mr. Jackson

PERCY
Oh-oh-oh-oh!

MRS DODDS (spoken)
Mr. Jackson

PERCY
Oh-oh-oh-oh!

MRS DODDS (spoken)
Mr. Jackson! Please see me by the sphinx

PERCY (spoken)
Look... if this is about Nancy Bobofit,
she only hates me because I tried to get her to stop wedgie-ing the first graders-

MRS DODDS (spoken)
I have heard much about you... Percy Jackson.

PERCY (spoken)
Really? That's very dedicated for a substitute...

MRS DODDS (spoken)
Kicked out of five schools in six years. One might question your parentage.

PERCY (spoken)
Hey, don't talk about my mom-

MRS DODDS (spoken)
And your father? That's right... you don't know who he is! [begins laughing]

PERCY (spoken)
What's this about anyway?

Uh, Mrs. Dodds?
You have something growing on your-

[MRS DODDS' laughter become maniacal. PERCY screams]

MR BRUNNER (spoken)
What ho, Percy!

PERCY (spoken)
Mr. Brunner! What am I supposed to do with a pen-Sword! Woah!

[MRS DODDS screams]

PERCY (spoken)
Mr. Brunner? Mrs... Dodds?
Um...

(sung)
I didn't know what just had happened
Was that all a creepy, crazy dream?

My teacher was a creature
Then she vanished in the ether
With a demon scream

The next thing that I knew
I was where detention was held

The day it all got real
The day I got-

(spoken) Expelled?

MR BRUNNER (spoken)
I tried, Percy, but the headmaster stands firm in his decision.
You were supposed to stay with the group. And this was your final warning.

PERCY (spoken)
But it wasn't my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds!
She lured me away, she attacked me, and... you saw it!

MR BRUNNER (spoken)
Did I?

PERCY (spoken)
And you gave me that pen! Only it wasn't a pen, it was a sword, and...
What?

GROVER (spoken)
Percy... we've never had a teacher named Mrs. Dodds.

MR BRUNNER (spoken)
Perhaps it's for the best. This wasn't the place for you. It was only a matter of time before-

PERCY (spoken)
I got kicked out?

MR BRUNNER (spoken)
That's not what I was going to-

PERCY (spoken)
You think I'm trouble. Just like everyone else.

MR BRUNNER (spoken)
No, but... That is to say... I can only accept the best from you, Percy.
Someday you'll understand why. I'm truly sorry.

PERCY (spoken)
Yeah well, I'm sorry I let you down.

GROVER (spoken)
Maybe he's right. You never fit in at this school anyway. You're not exactly...

PERCY (spoken)
Normal?

GROVER (spoken)
Exactly! [Laughs]
I mean, uh... I'll see you on the bus

PERCY
So if you think you are a halfblood
Better get headed to the exits now

'Cause folks will think you're lying
Better run and don't start crying
'Cause you're monster chow

Or stick around and maybe you'll learn from me
This ain't Odysseus' Odyssey

So hear me out if you're so compelled

But, nobody listens to me
They never listen
Nobody listens to me
They never listen, oh

ENSEMBLE
Dude! You got
Expelled

PERCY
I didn't wanna be a halfblood
(ENSEMBLE: Expelled!)
I didn't ask to be a halfblood

ALL
Expelled!