I feel nothing but to much at the same time.
written by Ĵαмɛƨ Sнαω
(Please read it's real)I don't belong here it isn't for me no one notices my pain and they don't care anyway so why am I still here? (The feelings are real but the story is not)
Last Updated
05/31/21
Chapters
2
Reads
385
Fights with my mind.
Chapter 1
my demons where screaming, screaming I wasn't good enough and I would never be good enough and that no one would even care if I did win at something and did something good enough.
---next day--
"They think I'm going to kill myself." I said to the only person that would talk it me. My best friend. "Are you?" She asked. I asked my demons 'am I?' they nodded and I said allowed. "Maybe." the demons cheered but my friend frowned. "Don't. Keep fighting." I don't get it. How am I supposed to fight when I've already lost? Every thought is a battle, every breath a war, and I don't think I'm winning that's for sure.
---that night---
I remember me asking my mom, "can you check for monsters under the bed?" and her smiling and saying. "There aren't any monsters under the bed honey." And she was right, there are none because now they live in my head
---in the morning---
(quick authors note/quote: maybe the angel kept dying for too long in the dark. And that was how the devil was born)
"Are you okay?" My friend asks. That's a hard question to answer. Am I? 'No' my demons laugh. 'you never were and never will be!' I sighed and said. "yeah I'm good." "But you look...sad" I sigh/snort "I'm always sad. I was just to tiered to hide it today." And I walked away.
---midnight---
Little does she know that the only thing keeping me here...was her. And I was pushing her away. I rocked back and forth on the ground crying. "why did I do it?" I muttered under my breath. I grabbed the knife and slashed it deep into my arm. It's funny how people can say the worst pain is a paper cut or stubbing your toe when I can sit here and not feel a thing. "Maybe I deserve this." I mumbled and my demons smirked saying. 'you do'
---next day---
"are you okay?" my friend asked again. "Stop asking if I'm okay." I said while thinking 'I'm tiered of lying.'
---in room---
I was talking to my drawings of angels. "How do you run away from the things inside your head?" Of course they didn't talk they were drawings but I was still mad at myself for not knowing. The demons were laughing harder then ever when my mom walking in. "Who are you talking to?" she asked. "No one." She looked at the drawings and said flatly. "Oh. Okay." and left. I tend to be silent when I'm screaming inside.
---next day---
'I need some one to kill me. I'm tiered of killing myself.' I thought cutting into myself. Not to deep, just deep enough to shut the demons in my mind for a second.
---next day again---
We were in a dark room and my friend saw me looking around. "Are you scared of the dark?" She asked. "No." Just scared of not finding the light once again... but I thought the last part so she wouldn't hear the h*** in my head
---next day--
"They think I'm going to kill myself." I said to the only person that would talk it me. My best friend. "Are you?" She asked. I asked my demons 'am I?' they nodded and I said allowed. "Maybe." the demons cheered but my friend frowned. "Don't. Keep fighting." I don't get it. How am I supposed to fight when I've already lost? Every thought is a battle, every breath a war, and I don't think I'm winning that's for sure.
---that night---
I remember me asking my mom, "can you check for monsters under the bed?" and her smiling and saying. "There aren't any monsters under the bed honey." And she was right, there are none because now they live in my head
---in the morning---
(quick authors note/quote: maybe the angel kept dying for too long in the dark. And that was how the devil was born)
"Are you okay?" My friend asks. That's a hard question to answer. Am I? 'No' my demons laugh. 'you never were and never will be!' I sighed and said. "yeah I'm good." "But you look...sad" I sigh/snort "I'm always sad. I was just to tiered to hide it today." And I walked away.
---midnight---
Little does she know that the only thing keeping me here...was her. And I was pushing her away. I rocked back and forth on the ground crying. "why did I do it?" I muttered under my breath. I grabbed the knife and slashed it deep into my arm. It's funny how people can say the worst pain is a paper cut or stubbing your toe when I can sit here and not feel a thing. "Maybe I deserve this." I mumbled and my demons smirked saying. 'you do'
---next day---
"are you okay?" my friend asked again. "Stop asking if I'm okay." I said while thinking 'I'm tiered of lying.'
---in room---
I was talking to my drawings of angels. "How do you run away from the things inside your head?" Of course they didn't talk they were drawings but I was still mad at myself for not knowing. The demons were laughing harder then ever when my mom walking in. "Who are you talking to?" she asked. "No one." She looked at the drawings and said flatly. "Oh. Okay." and left. I tend to be silent when I'm screaming inside.
---next day---
'I need some one to kill me. I'm tiered of killing myself.' I thought cutting into myself. Not to deep, just deep enough to shut the demons in my mind for a second.
---next day again---
We were in a dark room and my friend saw me looking around. "Are you scared of the dark?" She asked. "No." Just scared of not finding the light once again... but I thought the last part so she wouldn't hear the h*** in my head
