Strangers
written by Ĵαмɛƨ Sнαω
I think the hardest part about leaving some one isn't saying goodbye but having to learn to live without them. All ways trying to fill that void that's left in your heart after they leave. This book is about how me and my best friend I had been friends with for nine years and I had fallen apart and how I failed to let go.
Last Updated
05/31/21
Chapters
1
Reads
370
Leaving you.
Chapter 1
This is real and painful and please don't laugh at me about having to leave my best friend.
Anah(the best friend) and I didn't get together a lot over the summer but I still loved her. I had bought two 'best friend' necklaces and was planning on giving the hot pink of one to her as it was her favorite color. We were both bright kids. Not bright as in smart but in a personality way. Bright clothes and smiles, you know. We had laughed with each other for hours and stayed up until five am in the morning during sleep overs but we had also cried on each other's shoulders only God knows how many times! We had the weirdest fights that we couldn't even remember the next day. Since Anah was taller then me I would get her old clothes. *I'm crying writing this* We would come up with crazy games and share EVERYTHING! People thought we were sisters and we look nothing, /nothing/ alike! I'm shorter with tan skin and Anah's taller with dark skin. I have freckles everywhere and she had the clearest face ever! I remember us getting sugar high and running around her house chasing after the cat's when her parents weren't home. I miss her with everything in my body. I sometimes cry to sleep hoping it's a nightmare. It's been about a year and I have been buring these feelings and being incredably stupid and when people ask 'Weren't you to best friends?' I would break a little more on the inside but just say. 'Strangers with memories.' and walk away trying not to cry. When I found her on the first day of school and gave her the necklace and she just shoved it in her back pack not looking at it. I was a sensitive girl but not anymore. That was the first time I realized we weren't friends anymore but I ignored it.
*About halfway through the school year*
Everyone was talking about boyfriends and who was getting with who and I guess it made Anah feel like she needed one or something. So she got one and. I. Was. Pissed. This was NOT the Anah I remembered, the Anah who was carefree and had no need to 'be cool' or 'in trend' I still hadn't been talking to Anah and trying to ignore the hate and sadness I felt towards her. I just wanted to be her friend again so badly I was willing to do anything. So one Anah and her new boyfriend's first date I went over to see what was happening. It was a party at school so anyone could hear what they were talking about so I don't feel guilty about it. I told the boy friend an embarrassing story about Anah(that will not be told again so please don't ask) and things like that. I felt like I was being a b**** but I was mad ok! I didn't want my BEST FRIEND to leave me over a guy! Anah tried to make me apologize but I refused. I don't know why I did it but I did. I splashed water on her. I was only on her shouse and the bottom of her leggings but she was glaring at me like I've never seen her glare before.
I should tell you this now. I only had her and one other person as a friend for nine years and I'm THE WORST at talking to other people. I just can't do it! And so every time Anah and the other friend was gone from school I had nobody to talk to. I'm still like this. My new friends were introduced to me by my old old- ish-friend that-must-not-be-named(haha get it?) She was the one that Anah used to be friends with. And let me tell you this as well. Anah was the most talkitve person you will meet in your life. So she had millions of friends that I didn't know.
I tried to not care that Anah didn't love me anymore but it didn't work. It's been a year and the feelings are coming back now. My birthday is in three days and it's the first time I'll be spending one without her with me having food fights and present opening. Okay back to the school year sorry.
*Near but not close to the end of the year*
Anah was crying because her boyfriend had broken up with her. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away and leaned on another friend witch made me break inside. I ran up the hill to her new ex and started cursing and yelling at him but all he said was 'why do people keep saying I broke up with Anah?' Witch made my want to kill him for hurting my ex-best friend. In class I was muttering death threats under my breath but when the teacher asked what was wrong I put on a fake face and smiled saying 'I'm good' as she turned away I restarted the muttering.
*during quarantine*
It was a Zoom meeting and it was just me, the teacher and Anah. It was weird. I'm not trying to brag but I'm an okay drawer and the teacher was asking to show some drawing to Anah. The thing was I was so tired of not being Anah's friend anymore I had started drawing pictures of her and talking to them. I know I'm going crazy but I missed her that bad. I showed them the drawings that were so obviously Anah. She was impressed and said 'when we were friends we would have drawing contests and Janie always won.' It made me what to jump through the computer and hug her but it also hurt because she used the word 'were'. Past tense. I almost cried but smiled and said calmly 'and you're the legend around here! remember that time when you dipped half your sushi piece into a bowl of Serratia sauce? every time someone gets something spicy out they say call Anah make sure it's good enough!'
It was awesome to talk to her again but I was the last one to log off and convinced myself she was only being nice because a teacher was there. My mom walked in and said
MOM: 'how was the meeting?' '
ME: 'It was fine just Miss --------- (name will not be used)...Anah...and I'
MOM: 'Oh really? How did it...go?'
ME: 'it was... fine'
It was heartbreaking and depressing and I just wanted to talk to Anah forever and never leave because this is the worst feeling in the world 'Remember when' is the worst sentence in the world. After my Mom left I looked back at the computer and opened it hoping Anah was still there even though I saw her leave. She wasn't of course so I did the next best thing. I started talking to the drawings again. I'm stupid I know but that's how bad it is.
*now*
I still talk to the drawings and have made a lot more. Of Anah as a Goddess and demon. As her a normal girl walking down the street and doing tic tok dances. Of Anah holding hands with me like we did in second grade. Of us face timing and laughing together. With her in her dream job and wide eyed with funny faces. I miss her a lot but I don't even remember what her voice sounds like, I haven't heard it in so long. I lock myself in my room and talk for hours to the fake Anah's hoping that maybe one of them will really answer me like I wish Anah would answer my texts and emails and missed calls. I just...miss my best friend but she's been smart and moved on. Unlike me who falls asleep wishing to turn up at my door just to hang out like she used to. I want to invite her over but I'm scared she'll turn me down and I don't know what to do. Help me I'm going crazy.
Anah(the best friend) and I didn't get together a lot over the summer but I still loved her. I had bought two 'best friend' necklaces and was planning on giving the hot pink of one to her as it was her favorite color. We were both bright kids. Not bright as in smart but in a personality way. Bright clothes and smiles, you know. We had laughed with each other for hours and stayed up until five am in the morning during sleep overs but we had also cried on each other's shoulders only God knows how many times! We had the weirdest fights that we couldn't even remember the next day. Since Anah was taller then me I would get her old clothes. *I'm crying writing this* We would come up with crazy games and share EVERYTHING! People thought we were sisters and we look nothing, /nothing/ alike! I'm shorter with tan skin and Anah's taller with dark skin. I have freckles everywhere and she had the clearest face ever! I remember us getting sugar high and running around her house chasing after the cat's when her parents weren't home. I miss her with everything in my body. I sometimes cry to sleep hoping it's a nightmare. It's been about a year and I have been buring these feelings and being incredably stupid and when people ask 'Weren't you to best friends?' I would break a little more on the inside but just say. 'Strangers with memories.' and walk away trying not to cry. When I found her on the first day of school and gave her the necklace and she just shoved it in her back pack not looking at it. I was a sensitive girl but not anymore. That was the first time I realized we weren't friends anymore but I ignored it.
*About halfway through the school year*
Everyone was talking about boyfriends and who was getting with who and I guess it made Anah feel like she needed one or something. So she got one and. I. Was. Pissed. This was NOT the Anah I remembered, the Anah who was carefree and had no need to 'be cool' or 'in trend' I still hadn't been talking to Anah and trying to ignore the hate and sadness I felt towards her. I just wanted to be her friend again so badly I was willing to do anything. So one Anah and her new boyfriend's first date I went over to see what was happening. It was a party at school so anyone could hear what they were talking about so I don't feel guilty about it. I told the boy friend an embarrassing story about Anah(that will not be told again so please don't ask) and things like that. I felt like I was being a b**** but I was mad ok! I didn't want my BEST FRIEND to leave me over a guy! Anah tried to make me apologize but I refused. I don't know why I did it but I did. I splashed water on her. I was only on her shouse and the bottom of her leggings but she was glaring at me like I've never seen her glare before.
I should tell you this now. I only had her and one other person as a friend for nine years and I'm THE WORST at talking to other people. I just can't do it! And so every time Anah and the other friend was gone from school I had nobody to talk to. I'm still like this. My new friends were introduced to me by my old old- ish-friend that-must-not-be-named(haha get it?) She was the one that Anah used to be friends with. And let me tell you this as well. Anah was the most talkitve person you will meet in your life. So she had millions of friends that I didn't know.
I tried to not care that Anah didn't love me anymore but it didn't work. It's been a year and the feelings are coming back now. My birthday is in three days and it's the first time I'll be spending one without her with me having food fights and present opening. Okay back to the school year sorry.
*Near but not close to the end of the year*
Anah was crying because her boyfriend had broken up with her. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away and leaned on another friend witch made me break inside. I ran up the hill to her new ex and started cursing and yelling at him but all he said was 'why do people keep saying I broke up with Anah?' Witch made my want to kill him for hurting my ex-best friend. In class I was muttering death threats under my breath but when the teacher asked what was wrong I put on a fake face and smiled saying 'I'm good' as she turned away I restarted the muttering.
*during quarantine*
It was a Zoom meeting and it was just me, the teacher and Anah. It was weird. I'm not trying to brag but I'm an okay drawer and the teacher was asking to show some drawing to Anah. The thing was I was so tired of not being Anah's friend anymore I had started drawing pictures of her and talking to them. I know I'm going crazy but I missed her that bad. I showed them the drawings that were so obviously Anah. She was impressed and said 'when we were friends we would have drawing contests and Janie always won.' It made me what to jump through the computer and hug her but it also hurt because she used the word 'were'. Past tense. I almost cried but smiled and said calmly 'and you're the legend around here! remember that time when you dipped half your sushi piece into a bowl of Serratia sauce? every time someone gets something spicy out they say call Anah make sure it's good enough!'
It was awesome to talk to her again but I was the last one to log off and convinced myself she was only being nice because a teacher was there. My mom walked in and said
MOM: 'how was the meeting?' '
ME: 'It was fine just Miss --------- (name will not be used)...Anah...and I'
MOM: 'Oh really? How did it...go?'
ME: 'it was... fine'
It was heartbreaking and depressing and I just wanted to talk to Anah forever and never leave because this is the worst feeling in the world 'Remember when' is the worst sentence in the world. After my Mom left I looked back at the computer and opened it hoping Anah was still there even though I saw her leave. She wasn't of course so I did the next best thing. I started talking to the drawings again. I'm stupid I know but that's how bad it is.
*now*
I still talk to the drawings and have made a lot more. Of Anah as a Goddess and demon. As her a normal girl walking down the street and doing tic tok dances. Of Anah holding hands with me like we did in second grade. Of us face timing and laughing together. With her in her dream job and wide eyed with funny faces. I miss her a lot but I don't even remember what her voice sounds like, I haven't heard it in so long. I lock myself in my room and talk for hours to the fake Anah's hoping that maybe one of them will really answer me like I wish Anah would answer my texts and emails and missed calls. I just...miss my best friend but she's been smart and moved on. Unlike me who falls asleep wishing to turn up at my door just to hang out like she used to. I want to invite her over but I'm scared she'll turn me down and I don't know what to do. Help me I'm going crazy.
