This is one of my personal favorites:

A Gryffindor would DIE for you

A Ravenclaw would come up with a solution where no one DIES

A slytherin would KILL for you

A Hufflepuff would DIE with you

(makes me feel loved)
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Dudley: did you know i was born on a highway?
Harry: Makes sense. Most accidents happen on highways.
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Kid: Professor umbridge, i took a picture of you!
Umbridge: Oh really? Thank you!
Umbridge: but why is it out of focus?
Kid: my camera doesn't focus on trash.
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*picture of harry and draco doing detention in the forbidden forest*
Someone has been killing unicorns!
Sounds like a job for children!
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(sorry i gtg contact me if you want more)