Harry Potter: I dated Moaning Myrtle a few years ago. You know how had she been called before?
Hermione: HOW?
Harry Potter: Myrtle.

Harry Potter: Want to play a game of heads and tails?
Hermione: Fine i will play.
Harry Potter: Heads you give me tail, Tails you give me head.

Harry Potter: Hi Hermione, guess what i have in my pocket.
Hermione: Harry stop it! The constant perverted jokes will not get me to hook up with you.
Harry Potter: What about 40 dollars?

Harry Potter: Hi Hermione.
Hermione: I just got Hamilton Ticke-
Harry Potter: OMG! Take me with you, Hermione.
Hermione (mind): Shit i got only one ticket.

Snape: 150 people die each year from coconuts falling on their heads.
(Umbridge stares at him)
Snape: I have planned a vacation. You're going to the Bahamas tomorrow.

Huge giant man barges through your door.
Tells that you are a wizard.
Threatens your uncle with a pink umbrella.
Harry Potter: Seems Legit.

Snape (to Voldemort): My Lord, regrettably..... I forgot the snacks for the meeting.